esthe
snap back
- May 9, 2023
- 47
My boyfriend woke up today and decided to leave me. I'm 20, he's 32.
We've been together for almost a year, which could seem very little to most, but, for me as my first relationship it's been intense, I lived every single moment of it fully. From when we met, we hit it off and started spending every day together, which led to us, living together early.
He shared his life plans with me, his projects and objectives, and made me a part of it: we moved country, from Italy to Switzerland, I left university and my family behind, who completely shut me out of their lives. Now I find myself at a friend's house, without a job, another place to stay, all things we were looking for together in order to build a future here.
We've been happy, always talked about our problems, had each other's back. Or at least, he's always had my back. But I thought and hoped I could change a narcissist. He always complained about his ex relationship, which lasted 7 years and was abusive, in his own words. And he always told me how happy he was since with me it was completely different. No arguing from my part, only love and respect. But it seems it wasn't enough.
Today he woke up and told me that he wants to be alone, that he doesn't want any relationship at all, ever. And after so many projects and days spent very well, it was a bad blow. He told me that it's not me, that he's the one who is unstable and doesn't want the burden of someone close to him to care for.
That he doesn't feel like always consoling someone, that I'm a child and I'm too sensible, when in the end I'm the most mature out of the two as I left everything to build a future for myself with my own resources, and it takes huge balls to do that. I busted my ass finding small jobs along the way, having never worked, everything was new to me, from managing my money, to finding apartments and work and care about everything else while having my family constantly remind me how much of a failure I was.
He told me that I love him much more than he does, I've always done, and it weighs on him. That I'm not my own person but a reflection of him.
And while I was explaining my pain, my reasons, he was getting angry about my reactions, complaining about it. Once home, he took my pc and opened Netflix, commenting about a documentary as if nothing happened, smoking his joints as usual. I just stayed silent.
So now I have to think carefully about everything, what to do, when to do it, I'm heartbroken, confused, while he seems fine, as usual. I have to reconsider my whole life now, and I don't know where to start, I don't feel like I have the strength to do it.
I'm exhausted, tired of feeling so much and feeling it so strongly. I hoped not to feel that pain again. And during this relationship, I've been the happiest I've ever been. Now I'm more of a wreck than before.
We've been together for almost a year, which could seem very little to most, but, for me as my first relationship it's been intense, I lived every single moment of it fully. From when we met, we hit it off and started spending every day together, which led to us, living together early.
He shared his life plans with me, his projects and objectives, and made me a part of it: we moved country, from Italy to Switzerland, I left university and my family behind, who completely shut me out of their lives. Now I find myself at a friend's house, without a job, another place to stay, all things we were looking for together in order to build a future here.
We've been happy, always talked about our problems, had each other's back. Or at least, he's always had my back. But I thought and hoped I could change a narcissist. He always complained about his ex relationship, which lasted 7 years and was abusive, in his own words. And he always told me how happy he was since with me it was completely different. No arguing from my part, only love and respect. But it seems it wasn't enough.
Today he woke up and told me that he wants to be alone, that he doesn't want any relationship at all, ever. And after so many projects and days spent very well, it was a bad blow. He told me that it's not me, that he's the one who is unstable and doesn't want the burden of someone close to him to care for.
That he doesn't feel like always consoling someone, that I'm a child and I'm too sensible, when in the end I'm the most mature out of the two as I left everything to build a future for myself with my own resources, and it takes huge balls to do that. I busted my ass finding small jobs along the way, having never worked, everything was new to me, from managing my money, to finding apartments and work and care about everything else while having my family constantly remind me how much of a failure I was.
He told me that I love him much more than he does, I've always done, and it weighs on him. That I'm not my own person but a reflection of him.
And while I was explaining my pain, my reasons, he was getting angry about my reactions, complaining about it. Once home, he took my pc and opened Netflix, commenting about a documentary as if nothing happened, smoking his joints as usual. I just stayed silent.
So now I have to think carefully about everything, what to do, when to do it, I'm heartbroken, confused, while he seems fine, as usual. I have to reconsider my whole life now, and I don't know where to start, I don't feel like I have the strength to do it.
I'm exhausted, tired of feeling so much and feeling it so strongly. I hoped not to feel that pain again. And during this relationship, I've been the happiest I've ever been. Now I'm more of a wreck than before.
