Venting i never want to feel fear or pain ever again

[twistedtransistor69]

I don't plan on doing anything with my life. I don't want to do anything with my life.

I have no friends, I'm not smart or hard working, no goals, nothing in life I'm looking forward to. Anything that has to do with being around people freaks me out, I dont even leave the house most days. I don't know how to dig myself out of this hole I've spent years digging myself into and even if I could I'm not sure I want to.

It'll be so hard to get better and I don't even know if it'll be worth it because life will still be scary and painful no matter what. I've been in pain for so long, I've fantasized about killing myself since I was 11 and I know I'm going to do it eventually, it's just a matter of when. I just want to stop feeling pain and I genuinely do not believe I would ever live a good life. Sometimes I don't even feel like a real human being.

I don't even know why I'm typing all this out, I don't expect anyone to magically cure me with advice in the comments or anything haha. These are just thoughts that have been floating around my head and I need to get it out there, even if it's just to an empty void. I'm also not really good with words, sorry if this rant was disjointed and rambley.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

This is so relatable. I also never want to feel fear or pain or... anything ever again. The fact that I live in a pro suffering society where people would rather have me suffer for as long as possible than die peacefully is absolutely horrifying and merely thinking about this causes me to have immense chest pains. For me, life can never be worth living since I see the issue in existence itself. Death is my only cure and I'm fucking sick and tired of those who act like they know me better than I know myself to say otherwise. I want an earlier death and that's the only thing that I want. I'm not interested in any bullshit music or movies or whatever shit gets people so hooked on life. I want death and nothing else!

 

[twistedtransistor69]

This is so relatable. I also never want to feel fear or pain or... anything ever again. The fact that I live in a pro suffering society where people would rather have me suffer for as long as possible than die peacefully is absolutely horrifying and merely thinking about this causes me to have immense chest pains. For me, life can never be worth living since I see the issue in existence itself. Death is my only cure and I'm fucking sick and tired of those who act like they know me better than I know myself to say otherwise. I want an earlier death and that's the only thing that I want. I'm not interested in any bullshit music or movies or whatever shit gets people so hooked on life. I want death and nothing else!

I'm so glad to hear someone understands me. Sometimes I feel like people only want a person to live just because them dying would make them sad. They don't care if every day of a person's life is painful, just as long as you don't make it anyone else's problem.

That being said, I do genuinely hope you one day find something beautiful that makes life worth living.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

That being said, I do genuinely hope you one day find something beautiful that makes life worth living.

I won't because there's nothing beautiful enough in life that justifies the atrocities and hardship that I have to go through. Even if I find something beautiful, I will still want death because I genuinely fail to see what can be more beautiful than permanent non existence. Life itself isn't worth living for me because, as the pro lifers themselves respond to any suffering and hardship that goes on in life, "that's just life". I don't want life

 

[Hollowman]

Very relatable

 

[twistedtransistor69]

I won't because there's nothing beautiful enough in life that justifies the atrocities and hardship that I have to go through. Even if I find something beautiful, I will still want death because I genuinely fail to see what can be more beautiful than permanent non existence. Life itself isn't worth living for me because, as the pro lifers themselves respond to any suffering and hardship that goes on in life, "that's just life". I don't want life

In that case, I hope that when you eventually die it will be quick and painless.

I don't know what you're going through but clearly it sucks ass. Also fuck prolifers

 

[ijustwishtodie]

In that case, I hope that when you eventually die it will be quick and painless.

I hope so too but unfortunately it won't be. I also hope that I die as early as possible. I personally consider an earlier death to be better than a later death for me.

I don't know what you're going through but clearly it sucks ass. Also fuck prolifers

It does suck. Living like me sucks

 

[FuneralCry]

I just wish to be free from all pain as well, I've personally always found existing to be so painful. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[twistedtransistor69]

I just wish to be free from all pain as well, I've personally always found existing to be so painful. But anyway I wish you the best.

I'm sorry to hear that and I wish you the best as well

 

[a time in time]

this emotional pain is pretty awful....so I sure feel for people on here, especially the ones who have both physical pain and the emotional pain.....must be unbearable....

 

[genie]

I feel you. I've never had any ambition or drive on life to do or achieve anything. I've ghosted my entire life. I dropped out of sixth form (UK high school equivalent) and made nothing of my life. I just feel this isn't the life I was meant to live. You're not alone in this.

 

[twistedtransistor69]

I feel you. I've never had any ambition or drive on life to do or achieve anything. I've ghosted my entire life. I dropped out of sixth form (UK high school equivalent) and made nothing of my life. I just feel this isn't the life I was meant to live. You're not alone in this.

I dropped out of highschool too, when I was 15. I chose not to think about my future and just hoped I would figure it out by the time I was an adult but now I'm here and just like you said, no ambition or drive to do anything.

I just feel this isn't the life I was meant to live.

I feel this. My child self would be disappointed in me. I don't know if this makes you feel better at all but something I think about sometimes is how Tolkien didn't write Lord of the Rings until he was 50, so I guess there's always time?