Story I plan on drinking N as soon as I get my hands on it

[Chasing Sleep]

I'm miserable and desperate to ctb as soon as I possibly can. I'm currently in the process of purchasing N from D. I'll be documenting my journey here, hoping with all my heart I'll be dead by the end of the week.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I understand the feeling of desperation. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I will be following your thread closely. In a similar position. But I will still wait a bit to smooth some things out first.

I send you love and good luck.

 

[Lost Magic]

Still can't believe that it was a perfectly legal sleeping agent in the 50's.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Still can't believe that it was a perfectly legal sleeping agent in the 50's.
View attachment 88551

They make it appear as beautiful as it truely is lol.

What a tease. At least they had a peaceful exit during WW2 available.

 

[Lost Magic]

They make it appear as beautiful as it truely is lol.

What a tease. At least they had a peaceful exit during WW2 available.

yes and it was also Monroe's drug of choice.

 

[MikeDeross82]

Still can't believe that it was a perfectly legal sleeping agent in the 50's.
View attachment 88551

It's great and all, but 'TOPS IN TASTE'? Seriously?

 

[Lost Magic]

It's great and all, but 'TOPS IN TASTE'? Seriously?

Dude, that was when it was made to be drank. The stuff we have was meant for injection. It's vet N lol

 

[MikeDeross82]

Dude, that was when it was made to be drank. The stuff we have was meant for injection. It's vet N lol

Yes, i guess vet N is very different

 

[bad luck]

I will do the same but in a hotel. Still raising funds.

 

[Lost Magic]

I will do the same but in a hotel. Still raising funds.

The way you downed that vodka, you should have no probs drinking N. Good luck getting the funds together mate.

 

[quothTheRaven9]

I'm miserable and desperate to ctb as soon as I possibly can. I'm currently in the process of purchasing N from D. I'll be documenting my journey here, hoping with all my heart I'll be dead by the end of the week.

Can you pm? Interested in your method. Getting worried about the one I chose. Best to you.

 

[Red Scare]

Still can't believe that it was a perfectly legal sleeping agent in the 50's.
View attachment 88551

It can be mixed with [...] belladonna tincture, codeine sulfate, desoxyn (meth) elixir, ephedrine...

Damn, lol

 

[Chasing Sleep]

Update #1

Just paid D through Western Union, geez was it a pain in the ass. Apparantly WU has been experiencing a server-wide issue, so I had to find a location in person in order to send money.

I asked him to ship it to a UPS drop-off location because I've read that PO boxes are risky and I can't have it shipped to my address. My parents and friends have me under their thumb because they're suspicious I'm plotting something.

I do not plan to ctb at home, even though I would love to pass peacefully in my own bed. It's too risky and I don't want to traumatize a loved one. My current plan is to rent a hotel room, head to "work" one morning (my shifts start at 6AM), check-in, and document my passing on this website. I feel exceptionally guilty because my loved ones are trying to help me, but I am so exhausted and only want peace now.

I am sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I understand the feeling of desperation. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

Thank you so much for your kindness

I will be following your thread closely. In a similar position. But I will still wait a bit to smooth some things out first.

I send you love and good luck.

Thank you, sending you love and luck on my end as well. Have you already gotten your N? It feels like so many people on this site either have a bottle or are in the process of getting one.

Same. Wishing you both peace and love.

Thank you so very much

 

[Lost Magic]

Update #1

Just paid D through Western Union, geez was it a pain in the ass. Apparantly WU has been experiencing a server-wide issue, so I had to find a location in person in order to send money.

I asked him to ship it to a UPS drop-off location because I've read that PO boxes are risky and I can't have it shipped to my address. My parents and friends have me under their thumb because they're suspicious I'm plotting something.

I do not plan to ctb at home, even though I would love to pass peacefully in my own bed. It's too risky and I don't want to traumatize a loved one. My current plan is to rent a hotel room, head to "work" one morning (my shifts start at 6AM), check-in, and document my passing on this website. I feel exceptionally guilty because my loved ones are trying to help me, but I am so exhausted and only want peace now.

Thank you so much for your kindness

Thank you, sending you love and luck on my end as well. Have you already gotten your N? It feels like so many people on this site either have a bottle or are in the process of getting one.

Thank you so very much

Hope everything goes well for you. I didn't know D still took Western Union payments and by the way you are fortunate you got a location in person because I heard D doesn't do WU online transactions anyway. Good luck with your method!

 

[Chasing Sleep]

Can you pm? Interested in your method. Getting worried about the one I chose. Best to you.

Heyo- feel free to pm me if you want me to share what I've done personally. I came from this megathread here:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/n-from-d-megathread.77724/

Hope everything goes well for you. I didn't know D still took Western Union payments and by the way you are fortunate you got a location in person because I heard D doesn't do WU online transactions anyway. Good luck with your method!

Thank you!
Yeah I was kinda surprised too, especially since I see most people paying with MoneyGram but unfortunately, my VPN convinced MoneyGram I was being scammed

 

[Lost Magic]

Heyo- feel free to pm me if you want me to share what I've done personally. I came from this megathread here:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/n-from-d-megathread.77724/

Thank you!
Yeah I was kinda surprised too, especially since I see most people paying with MoneyGram but unfortunately, my VPN convinced MoneyGram I was being scammed

actually, most people paid with cryptocurrency. This is D's preferred payment method.

 

[Red Scare]

and document my passing on this website.

Can I just ask one question... why?

And what precautions are you going to take so that when you are found with your device right next to you, that this won't be the first thing anybody sees when they unlock and look at your phone? Authorities have their own software and ways of cracking the encryption on your phone, so a fingerprint or password won't keep it locked. Even if you break your phone, data can still be recovered.

So if you do what you are planning, and your phone is found and this is the first website thst comes up when someone accesses your device, it is only going to attract more unwanted attention to this place. There are already entire groups hell bent on getting this website shut down, and online blogs and magazines writing articles about this place, like the one in the nyt.

Do whatever you wish ultimately. But once your gone, you could still be endangering this place or the people who log on if you're found out. I know there's been a few other threads here in the past few weeks where people logged on to say they drank sn, or took a bunch of pills, but I have to wonder if they took any precautions or if it's just going to lead authorities or aggrieved family members right to this site?

 

[Chasing Sleep]

actually, most people paid with cryptocurrency. This is D's preferred payment method.

I tried to look into doing Bitcoin and immediately gave up when I was reading all the instructions haha

Can I just ask one question... why?

And what precautions are you going to take so that when you are found with your device right next to you, that this won't be the first thing anybody sees when they unlock and look at your phone? Authorities have their own software and ways of cracking the encryption on your phone, so a fingerprint or password won't keep it locked. Even if you break your phone, data can still be recovered.

So if you do what you are planning, and your phone is found and this is the first website thst comes up when someone accesses your device, it is only going to attract more unwanted attention to this place. There are already entire groups hell bent on getting this website shut down, and online blogs and magazines writing articles about this place, like the one in the nyt.

Do whatever you wish ultimately. But once your gone, you could still be endangering this place or the people who log on if you're found out. I know there's been a few other threads here in the past few weeks where people logged on to say they drank sn, or took a bunch of pills, but I have to wonder if they took any precautions or if it's just going to lead authorities or aggrieved family members right to this site?

Yeah, you're right. I guess I got the idea because I saw other people documenting the taste, symptoms, etc, but you're absolutely right.

 

[Lost Magic]

I tried to look into doing Bitcoin and immediately gave up when I was reading all the instructions haha

Well the main thing is, he accepted it. I know, crypto is a pain. I hope it all works out for you mate!

 

[Joey]

Update #1

Just paid D through Western Union, geez was it a pain in the ass. Apparantly WU has been experiencing a server-wide issue, so I had to find a location in person in order to send money.

I asked him to ship it to a UPS drop-off location because I've read that PO boxes are risky and I can't have it shipped to my address. My parents and friends have me under their thumb because they're suspicious I'm plotting something.

I do not plan to ctb at home, even though I would love to pass peacefully in my own bed. It's too risky and I don't want to traumatize a loved one. My current plan is to rent a hotel room, head to "work" one morning (my shifts start at 6AM), check-in, and document my passing on this website. I feel exceptionally guilty because my loved ones are trying to help me, but I am so exhausted and only want peace now.

Thank you so much for your kindness

Thank you, sending you love and luck on my end as well. Have you already gotten your N? It feels like so many people on this site either have a bottle or are in the process of getting one.

Thank you so very much

To help you out @Red Scare !

Western Union works :)

 

[Chasing Sleep]

Update #2

Lots of interference and guilty feelings.

I'm still waiting on shipment confirmation from D, but I'm not too worried about it considering everyone else has seemed to have a positive experience with D.

What does suck is how both my parents and a few of my close friends have me under a microscope. Lately, they've been pressuring me to turn the location back on my phone and finally I caved in after two of my friends made me feel really guilty about it. Right now it doesn't really matter if my location is off or on- all I've been doing lately is going back and forth from work. But I'm worried about my ctb date. I really wanted to at least text a few people that I loved them before I chug my N. I think that would've been an important closure ritual for me...and I don't really want to feel alone. But now I'll have no choice but to fake my location by leaving my phone behind at work.

I plan on leaving to ctb at around 5AM, but it'll have to be on a day I'm not supposed to work so that my managers don't wonder where I am. Not only will I have to leave my phone at work, but I'll probably have to leave my car behind too. I want as much time for the N to work as possible, so I was planning on renting a hotel room for 2 days to be safe, then sticking the "no service" sign on the door so room service doesn't discover me too early. I don't want to risk the police locating my car outside the hotel in case my parents call the cops later that day, so I really shouldn't bring my car. There's a shitty motel like a mile from my work, so I guess I'll just have to walk with my N in my backpack and pray no cops bother me. It just sucks that I can't have my phone with me now. That final walk's going to be real lonely.

Today I'm going to plan more on what I should bring to the hotel room, because I want to make sure finding me is as least traumatizing as possible. I'm going to leave a note right by the entrance (inside the room) that says something like "WARNING: There's a dead body in here (hi it's me). If encountering a dead body is something that's going to traumatize you for life, please do not enter and call the police to handle it instead. Sorry about this and I promise that my ghost will not haunt the premises." I also will probably make sure my face is covered and wear long sleeves, long pants so that none of my skin is showing. This way, no worker has to see the deathly color of my skin. I'd imagine that alone would be horrifying.

Don't get me wrong, I only feel happy now when I imagine my suffering being over, but I also feel overwhelmingly guilty. I love my parents so much. My brother is going to be shocked because I don't think he's ever been told about my mental health struggles. My older sister adopted her first child this year and my niece already loves me so much and is excited to see me this weekend. I might ruin my best friend's life. This friend has done so much to try to keep me alive. And then there's my ex. I've tried to convince myself that my ex-girlfriend hates me (since she's the one that broke my heart) but she literally just called me yesterday because she heard my friends were worried that I hadn't responded to any of their messages since the previous night. I know she's anxious over the idea of me taking my own life, even though I've tried to lie and tell her I'd never hurt myself. She may have hurt me a lot, and I feel like she doesn't really care about me, but someone in her position would probably be mentally ruined if I went through with it. I would never wish that level of guilt upon her. But I know there's no way to prevent her from finding out, and that's really making me feel awful.

Sorry for the long rant, I just wish I could ctb without hurting anyone. I don't even know if I should leave suicide notes now. I don't want to make anything worse. Cowabummer.

 

[Red Scare]

I'm still waiting on shipment confirmation from D, but I'm not too worried about it considering everyone else has seemed to have a positive experience with D.

Damn. That makes two people now who have ordered and haven't heard back from D. Both in the US. I was going to email him, but now I don't know. I'm concerned. Please keep us updated.

What does suck is how both my parents and a few of my close friends have me under a microscope. Lately, they've been pressuring me to turn the location back on my phone and finally I caved in after two of my friends made me feel really guilty about it. Right now it doesn't really matter if my location is off or on- all I've been doing lately is going back and forth from work. But I'm worried about my ctb date. I really wanted to at least text a few people that I loved them before I chug my N. I think that would've been an important closure ritual for me...and I don't really want to feel alone. But now I'll have no choice but to fake my location by leaving my phone behind at work.

I plan on leaving to ctb at around 5AM, but it'll have to be on a day I'm not supposed to work so that my managers don't wonder where I am. Not only will I have to leave my phone at work, but I'll probably have to leave my car behind too. I want as much time for the N to work as possible, so I was planning on renting a hotel room for 2 days to be safe, then sticking the "no service" sign on the door so room service doesn't discover me too early. I don't want to risk the police locating my car outside the hotel in case my parents call the cops later that day, so I really shouldn't bring my car. There's a shitty motel like a mile from my work, so I guess I'll just have to walk with my N in my backpack and pray no cops bother me. It just sucks that I can't have my phone with me now. That final walk's going to be real lonely.

Hey, I guess just be glad that you have friends that care. No one has called or texted me in 2 months. I'm fairly convinced that not a damn person is going to really care that I am gone or miss me, outside of my family.

I'm also worried about my car, or them being able to track my phone location. I can probably buy myself a few days by telling my family I am going to stay at a friends, or something. But after a couple days if I don't answer texts or calls, their going to come looking for me, maybe call the police. I don't want them to look for my car, or look up my debit card purchases and see I got a hotel and then show up there (can they do that?)

I also wonder if the "do not disturb" sign will be enough to keep the maids out for a couple days, I have stayed at hotels wheel they ignore that after more than a day, and told me they are required to come in once at least in every 48 hours. Don't know how true that is.

Sorry for the long rant, I just wish I could ctb without hurting anyone. I don't even know if I should leave suicide notes now. I don't want to make anything worse. Cowabummer.

I know the feeling... I don't want to hurt my dad, or my sister, or my niece... But I think they'll get over it, they will hopefully understand. I'm not happy, I don't have the possibility of being happy, it's better for me if I just end it before things get worse. I am undecided on whether to leave a note as well. I had an officer tell me once that most people don't actually leave a note.

 

[Chasing Sleep]

Damn. That makes two people now who have ordered and haven't heard back from D. Both in the US. I was going to email him, but now I don't know. I'm concerned. Please keep us updated.

I'll be updating that situation for sure It'll be interesting to see if it's going to be successful since I'm having it shipped to a UPS drop-off location.

Hey, I guess just be glad that you have friends that care. No one has called or texted me in 2 months. I'm fairly convinced that not a damn person is going to really care that I am gone or miss me, outside of my family.

I'm also worried about my car, or them being able to track my phone location. I can probably buy myself a few days by telling my family I am going to stay at a friends, or something. But after a couple days if I don't answer texts or calls, their going to come looking for me, maybe call the police. I don't want them to look for my car, or look up my debit card purchases and see I got a hotel and then show up there (can they do that?)

I also wonder if the "do not disturb" sign will be enough to keep the maids out for a couple days, I have stayed at hotels wheel they ignore that after more than a day, and told me they are required to come in once at least in every 48 hours. Don't know how true that is.

Aw man ): hey for what it's worth, you absolutely deserve someone who checks up on you. If you ever need someone to talk to, my PMs are open and I don't mind if someone just needs to vent.

I'm definitely worried about my car because I feel like it would be the first thing police would search for. I've thought about parking it at work and then calling for an Uber or something, but even that seems risky to me. I'll just have to play it cool when I'm walking, haha. As for card information, personally, I think I'm going to pay with cash just to be triple safe. I don't think it's possible for law enforcement to trace your banking info, but it wouldn't surprise me. When I tried to ctb in my car like 5 years ago, law enforcement was able to track my location because I was on a phone call saying goodbye to someone, so it's kind of amazing how easy it is to be found.

Also yeah, the thing about the maids makes me nervous too ): I'm not sure how long it takes for N to work 100%. I'm super tiny- 5'1 and somewhere between 90-100 pounds and I'll be downing 2 bottles, so I'd think I'd be out quickly, but you never know. I've seen people make threads about surviving N too, though it usually seems to be because they didn't drink enough (or drank it too slowly before passing out)

I know the feeling... I don't want to hurt my dad, or my sister, or my niece... But I think they'll get over it, they will hopefully understand. I'm not happy, I don't have the possibility of being happy, it's better for me if I just end it before things get worse. I am undecided on whether to leave a note as well. I had an officer tell me once that most people don't actually leave a note.

I'd imagine both our families would hurt over our passing forever. Suicide leaves a hole that hurts our loved ones even worse than if we were to die in an accident. But it shows how much we love them that we don't take that lightly, y'know? I think if I were to leave a note, I'd keep it short. I'd make sure to clarify that "I was desperate. It's not because I didn't love you, or because I thought you didn't love me."

 

[woundedwarrier]

Update #1

Just paid D through Western Union, geez was it a pain in the ass. Apparantly WU has been experiencing a server-wide issue, so I had to find a location in person in order to send money.

I asked him to ship it to a UPS drop-off location because I've read that PO boxes are risky and I can't have it shipped to my address. My parents and friends have me under their thumb because they're suspicious I'm plotting something.

I do not plan to ctb at home, even though I would love to pass peacefully in my own bed. It's too risky and I don't want to traumatize a loved one. My current plan is to rent a hotel room, head to "work" one morning (my shifts start at 6AM), check-in, and document my passing on this website. I feel exceptionally guilty because my loved ones are trying to help me, but I am so exhausted and only want peace now.

Thank you so much for your kindness

Thank you, sending you love and luck on my end as well. Have you already gotten your N? It feels like so many people on this site either have a bottle or are in the process of getting one.

Thank you so very much

I know how you feel. I'm choosing SN as my method, and I am so sick of being in pain, and want to go, but at the same time I feel so guilty to do this to my loved ones.

Can I just ask one question... why?

And what precautions are you going to take so that when you are found with your device right next to you, that this won't be the first thing anybody sees when they unlock and look at your phone? Authorities have their own software and ways of cracking the encryption on your phone, so a fingerprint or password won't keep it locked. Even if you break your phone, data can still be recovered.

So if you do what you are planning, and your phone is found and this is the first website thst comes up when someone accesses your device, it is only going to attract more unwanted attention to this place. There are already entire groups hell bent on getting this website shut down, and online blogs and magazines writing articles about this place, like the one in the nyt.

Do whatever you wish ultimately. But once your gone, you could still be endangering this place or the people who log on if you're found out. I know there's been a few other threads here in the past few weeks where people logged on to say they drank sn, or took a bunch of pills, but I have to wonder if they took any precautions or if it's just going to lead authorities or aggrieved family members right to this site?

I'm planning on CTB within the next couple of weeks. What precautions should I be taking so that this site isn't found? I clear my search data, but is there anything else I could do? I've attempted before so my family and friends wouldn't really go through my phone because they're sort of "used" to me doing this.

 

[Chasing Sleep]

I know how you feel. I'm choosing SN as my method, and I am so sick of being in pain, and want to go, but at the same time I feel so guilty to do this to my loved ones.

It's comforting to see other people that feel the same. My loved ones were the only reason I didn't try harder to ctb earlier, but I'm just in too much pain to stay anymore. I don't think anyone ever fully heals from losing someone to suicide- that's what hurts me. I just wish they could forget about me.

I'm planning on CTB within the next couple of weeks. What precautions should I be taking so that this site isn't found? I clear my search data, but is there anything else I could do? I've attempted before so my family and friends wouldn't really go through my phone because they're sort of "used" to me doing this.

Personally, I'm going to make sure all my history is deleted and that I'm fully logged out of any website. I do wanna make a farewell post before I leave my phone behind- but after that, I'll log out and wipe out my history again. I also need to make sure I unsubscribe to this site on my email and delete any site-related emails. But that might be the best I can do.

 

[Chasing Sleep]

Update #3

Holy cow you guys, the adrenaline is kicking in. I just heard back from D, he apologized for not getting me my tracking info right away but my N's already been sent. Just checked UPS tracking- expected delivery is TOMORROW by 7PM. I did not expect it to get here so fast.

 

[Treeline589]

Yea D is pretty darn efficient

 

[Chasing Sleep]

Update #4

Just picked up my N from a UPS drop-off location. The packaging was super discrete and the bottles are in perfect condition. I hardly can believe I actually have N. Holy shit.

 

[milly]

Update #4

Just picked up my N from a UPS drop-off location. The packaging was super discrete and the bottles are in perfect condition. I hardly can believe I actually have N. Holy shit.

arrived in just 2 days??