I really did just want people to like me.

[rebelsue]

Now I am choosing to stay alive just to spite all the bastards.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I like you already!

 

[lmroch]

​

 

[rebelsue]

​

I like it already. I am a piano player and singer songwriter so I guess I gotta learn this one now. Thanks for the share!!!

 

[noaccount]

That's my general m.o.

 

[taylor321]

That's legitimately amazing and courageous, I'm really happy for you. Stay strong

 

[Meowkin]

Good for you. I like how you're using all that energy.

 

[rebelsue]

Still here. Still mean it. I think I'm out of the woods. Knock on wood. Maybe not. Maybe in a few days I"ll be back here wanting to die again but I will re-commit. No matter what happens, life is just a wild ride. It goes up and down, round and round....

This video is admittedly kind of funny but also oddly inspiring...

 

[Pryras]

Still here. Still mean it. I think I'm out of the woods. Knock on wood. Maybe not. Maybe in a few days I"ll be back here wanting to die again but I will re-commit. No matter what happens, life is just a wild ride. It goes up and down, round and round....

This video is admittedly kind of funny but also oddly inspiring...

Carlin keeps me sane I swear. Love him and I'm glad you're still here with us

 

[madbananas]

Now I am choosing to stay alive just to spite all the bastards.

well done and quite rightly so! I'm in the same boat. After a ctb attempt, I was cut right off from people who have a supposed duty of care for me. My uni tutor hasn't even contacted me after the circus that happened since I tried to ctb. I was doing so well, and now I'm working behind closed doors, keeping my cards close to my chest while I work my behind off to live well and make a difference to Health services in the future.
I'm loving your attitude. In my case since I've developed this kind of attitude, I have relapsed back to suicidal ideation and hopelessness occasionally. So what I'm saying, is if this happens to you as well, try not to worry too much. It is temporary. Reach out to us on this site and anyone else you trust and always remember the attitude you have now.

 

[FireFox]

@rebelsue
Good for you and i hope it all works out. I do mean it

You are amazing in your own way if others cant see that then it really is thier loss and problem.
You are Intelligenet( stem educated) , your cool because in a band which is really cool. I think it is cool.

How has your week been and What are you doing this week?

I am going shopping for my
grandmothers birthday this week and praticising for my driving theory test . Driving tests have been suspened in the UK so i am still preparing for now.
Following UK politics drama
How is the lockdown in your area

I am so Sorry for my post in one of your other threads. I really i am. I am sorry if my suggestions caused offense, stress
My post was stupid and immature.

I am 23 and failed to be an adult sadly it shows.

Everyone around me is mature whereas i am not
Seeing people paying the bills i dont even know how to pay a bill , people having a relationships and jobs etc. All those things associated with adulthood i failed to do.
I do feel bad for upsetting you

Take care
Love
Your friend
FireFox

 

[rebelsue]

well done and quite rightly so! I'm in the same boat. After a ctb attempt, I was cut right off from people who have a supposed duty of care for me. My uni tutor hasn't even contacted me after the circus that happened since I tried to ctb. I was doing so well, and now I'm working behind closed doors, keeping my cards close to my chest while I work my behind off to live well and make a difference to Health services in the future.
I'm loving your attitude. In my case since I've developed this kind of attitude, I have relapsed back to suicidal ideation and hopelessness occasionally. So what I'm saying, is if this happens to you as well, try not to worry too much. It is temporary. Reach out to us on this site and anyone else you trust and always remember the attitude you have now.

Yeah I am lapsing back into suicidal ideation now, too, just trying to ignore it.

I think the hardest part about staying alive is actually having to grapple with all the decisions about my life that I don't want to make. That "damned if you do damned if you don't" feeling is tearing me apart inside. I can't tell if my depression is a sign that something is wrong and I need to cut and run, or if the depression is just "depression" --- like a stuffy nose or something that has to pass. I can never tell. People on the internet are more than willing to encourage you to cut and run, not knowing your life at all. That never helps. Those people who tell you to listen to your gut don't understand PTSD. My gut is a big fat liar.

 

[madbananas]

Yeah I am lapsing back into suicidal ideation now, too, just trying to ignore it.

I think the hardest part about staying alive is actually having to grapple with all the decisions about my life that I don't want to make. That "damned if you do damned if you don't" feeling is tearing me apart inside. I can't tell if my depression is a sign that something is wrong and I need to cut and run, or if the depression is just "depression" --- like a stuffy nose or something that has to pass. I can never tell. People on the internet are more than willing to encourage you to cut and run, not knowing your life at all. That never helps. Those people who tell you to listen to your gut don't understand PTSD. My gut is a big fat liar.

Glad you're trying to ignore it. I have complex PTSD symptoms, and when the suicidal ideation comes I try and view the thoughts rather than identify with them. Almost like I've got an annoying co-worker in my head with the same voice as me. Helps me separate myself from the thoughts so I don't become involved with them.
For example, if I become over-involved with a toxic colleague, my health gets affected, I'm off work and next thing I'm trying to ctb. If I can accept the fact that the toxic colleague is in the same space as me and just give as little energy to the person as possible, it's easier.
This comes from basic mindfulness practice which I thought was rubbish until I found the right people (on YouTube ) to convey it to me in a way I understood and appreciated, and wasn't patronising like a lot of mental health professionals are (in my experience anyway).
Personally, I prefer this way because I'm not trying to change my thoughts, which require adding more thoughts into the mix, just creating a battle which isn't necessary (In my case. I'm giving up fighting fire with fire.