Venting I really, really want a lock

[Anarchy]

I'm not allowed to have a lock on my door. When I ask why, the answer's "just because" or "you can't".

Today, I woke up to find my sister in my room looking through my stuff. She woke me up. And she was in without my permission. I am still really angry about it.
My mum made out I'm overreacting. But it's my space. It's supposed to be a space where I get privacy, but instead my family completely disrespect that and think it's okay to walk in without asking or anything.
I find it extremely difficult to get to sleep. I should be asleep now.
Then my mum walked in later; she knocks sometimes but doesn't wait for any response, just walks in. She came in to ask if I wanted a drink. And to ask if I want to go out.
I barely ever go out, and never in the mornign, yet she still barged in to ask me that. And a drink? As if I want a drink in the morning when I should be asleep.
Even if I weren't asleep, it's still incredibly disrespectful. From my perspective, it's like a neighbour who has spare keys to your house just walking in because they want to tell you something.
They always say it's not a big deal - well I don't care that they are indifferent of how I feel about them walking in my room; I'm bothered by it.
I don't even have a private space of my own. They walk in as if it's just another room. I need to move out.

 

[mwu14]

Is it at all possible to start saving up so you can move out when you turn 18? They're not going to change and this kind of dynamic only gets worse.

 

[Anarchy]

No, not possible, unfortunately. I've wanted to move out for years but there's just no way for me to get the money. I couldn't get a job because I'm clueless about it and I'm too amxious to do most jobs. I can't even speak most of the time. Besides, getting a job would probably be umbearable.
The only job I'd want to do at this stage is proofread other people's work, but I don't think there are many jobs like that.
If I live to 18 (which I don't plan to, but then I'm not sure how likely my suicide is), I plan to stop living there even though that will make me homeless.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

This might sound a bit extreme, but I've got a hand-luggage sized suitcase in my room with a padlock on. Anything I don't want being found goes in there. It's such a shit fix, but when you're stuck for options it protects some stuff/gives you a chance to put one finger up at people who come in.

 

[Anarchy]

Doesn't sound extreme at all; after all, everyone's entitled to privacy, especially in their own room.
Thankfully, I don't have anything that will make people suspicious if they went rooting through my stuff, but it would be nice to have a secure place to put my stuff.
My mum tends to put stuff away rather than look through my stuff, fortunately.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

My mum 'puts away' and looks, I imagine. Would never get an admission from her that she does, but I know she has in the past and old habits die hard.

You wouldn't think I'm a bloody adult XD

 

[GodKnows]

I'm 25 and I don't even have bedroom door. When I was in Poland I had my own room with a lock, although I had the best flatmates in the world who trusted me so much they didn't even lock their door when they were away. And then I broke my dick and ran back into this hell. I don't deserve to live anymore.

 

[Anarchy]

My mum 'puts away' and looks, I imagine. Would never get an admission from her that she does, but I know she has in the past and old habits die hard.

You wouldn't think I'm a bloody adult XD

I'd hate to have my mum looking through my stuff - it must be really frustrating. Does she know about your being suicidal?

 

[Anarchy]

I'm 25 and I don't even have bedroom door. When I was in Poland I had my own room with a lock, although I had the best flatmates in the world who trusted me so much they didn't even lock their door when they were away. And then I broke my dick and ran back into this hell. I don't deserve to live anymore.

I can't even imagine how annoying it must be to not have a door. How come you don't have one?

 

[GodKnows]

My dad removed them long ago. I basically have zero privacy in the apartment. My mom keeps my meds away so I don't abuse Xanax. I feel like I'm 10. But the fault is my own for returning here. Luckily I'll be dead by the end of the year.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I'd hate to have my mum looking through my stuff - it must be really frustrating. Does she know about your being suicidal?

Not as of recently. She knows a friend of mine died by suicide recently, and that I'm down as a result of that, but she doesn't need to know anything else. I used to tell people all the time when I was younger because I needed to feel like someone was listening, but with sites like this I can keep the finer details to myself (and you guys..)

 

[Anarchy]

Not as of recently. She knows a friend of mine died by suicide recently, and that I'm down as a result of that, but she doesn't need to know anything else. I used to tell people all the time when I was younger because I needed to feel like someone was listening, but with sites like this I can keep the finer details to myself (and you guys..)

It's so much harder when parents know. My parents barely leave me alone; they know but I'm not sure if they think I'm at immediate risk. I also told people because J wanted people to listen, but I'm glad that the effects of that are starting to wear off. I will probably feel triumphant when I finally end it, knowing that I mislead people to think that I'm not acutely suicidal.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I feel like I'm 10.

How old are you? I'm 24 and still feel like I'm living under my parents' rule.

 

[GodKnows]

How old are you? I'm 24 and still feel like I'm living under my parents' rule.

I'm 25. I was finally free when I went to Erasmus, but mentally I was still under my parents rule. I had to inform them about what I eat, where I go, who am I hanging out with. I felt guilty after I got addicted to prostitutes and broke my dick. I had panic attacks and during one panic attack I booked a ride home and ran away. I felt relief, but became aware of how big the mistake it was after a few hours. I still regret that decision.

 

[GodKnows]

It's so much harder when parents know. My parents barely leave me alone; they know but I'm not sure if they think I'm at immediate risk. I also told people because J wanted people to listen, but I'm glad that the effects of that are starting to wear off. I will probably feel triumphant when I finally end it, knowing that I mislead people to think that I'm not acutely suicidal.

I was discharged from the mental hospital as non-suicidal, but not that anyone really cares. Life is cheap in this hellhole.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Erasmus

I saw from one of your previous posts. Sometimes with situations like that there is no right or wrong way to resolve it :(

 

[Anarchy]

I was discharged from the mental hospital as non-suicidal, but not that anyone really cares. Life is cheap in this hellhole.

How long were you in for?

 

[lv-gras]

You ought to definitely have privacy.

 

[GodKnows]

How long were you in for?

I was there for 7 days. They did some tests and talked to me. I talked to them about my penis injury and urethral swab, although I didn't mention escorts. I told them they were girls from Tinder. They don't need to know everything.

 

[GodKnows]

I saw from one of your previous posts. Sometimes with situations like that there is no right or wrong way to resolve it :(

Loneliness, homesickness and hypochondria kicked in and took control over me. The situation was not as bad as I thought, but I wasn't mentally strong to handle the situation. :C