Venting I really wish I was never born in the first place.

[iwishiwasntborn]

I've been trying to ctb for 5 years and its gotten to the point that its ruined our family. I mean it was always a mess and my parents have an unhealthy relationship but I still feel bad. I despise them for getting into a loveless marriage and yet I still love them and feel sorry that I turned out this way. They used to be so proud of me and now I'm nothing but an embarrassment. I guess I can say I'm trying to recover but a huge part of me still prefers dying— or more like disappearing, as if I never existed at all. But reality sucks so that's impossible. I just want to die but the process of dying is too hard and painful. My head is already a disaster and I have to suffer more to achieve peace. It's just all so difficult. I wish I had access to easier method. Owning firearms is forbidden in my country, everything is just so inaccessible. I've been interested with SN lately but I have no resources to purchase such. Being poor and depressed is the worst combination ever. I feel motivated to get back on track sometimes but mostly, I just want to cry like a baby and die asap. I really dont want to do this anymore…
thinking about my cats is what motivates me to stand up and awaken the last fight in me. i want to prove them that raising my cats was never a mistake but life hits me so damn hard most of the time, it really gets to me. i think about how im so behind, how my former friends and peers are all certainly doing better than me. i think about how what can i even accomplish in this world knowing so many people out there are more talented, smarted and way much more competent than me. it sucks the motivation out of me. i know its really all in my head but i cant even afford therapy. so there we go, it makes me really want to die but thinking about my failed attempts scares me because if i do failed again, my family will all be ruined and idk what im gonna do anymore by then… i feel so bad for my mom :(((

 

[StupidCat]

I wish I wasn't born.
It's something I told my mom as a kid, she proceeded to beat the shit out of me

 

[iwishiwasntborn]

im so tired of thinking. im so tired of being me. i want to be gone already. why is it so hard to take my life. i wish i had the resources. not even a nearby tall building or any water areas. we moved too so im unfamiliar in this place. i just really want to die…
hanging cant even be an option because i'd feel so bad to my auntie and uncle because they owned this house and we're basically just leeching off them. they just finished the house construction recently and i cant taint their house considering how much they've helped us. im so so tired and desperate….

I wish I wasn't born.
It's something I told my mom as a kid, she proceeded to beat the shit out of me

you don't deserve to experience that im so sorry you had to go through it :(((

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

i wish i were never born also.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I feel the same. People with money and therapy feel the same too. There's no way out.

 

[iwishiwasntborn]

I feel the same. People with money and therapy feel the same too. There's no way out.

I would've loved to receive therapy but i cant burden my parents with that anymore because there's no guarantee i'll get better too. i'll just feel worse bc they'll gonna have to spend more to a disappointment like me.




sometimes i wish i wasn't an only child so i didn't have to bear the responsibilities and meet their expectations all the time. but sometimes im grateful i never had a sibling bc i'd feel bad she/he would have to go through all of this. i fantasise a lot about having an older sister/brother tho. i feel like it would have made a difference. i mightve not ended up this way if i had someone i can rely on and understands me the best because we grew up the same way.

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, therapy is an employment agency with an endless subscription fee.

 

[iwishiwasntborn]

i wish i were never born also.

life was fun. atleast before to me, it was enjoyable even if we belong in the lower class and never had the privelege to experience many things but if i was given a choice i would rather not be born at all. living doesnt seem worth it to me. going through all the struggles and experiencing failure, it's all too hard for someone like me. :')

ב''ה, therapy is an employment agency with an endless subscription fee.

tbh i do have this feeling therapy wont help me at all but i was hoping maybe the meds would atleast improve my mental health but well, being poor and dependent to parents… i cannot burden them any further than this. gods i just really want to die :(((

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand as more than anything I wish I never existed, I wish I never suffered in this cruel and torturous existence at all, I see it as the most terrible tragedy how this existence was even imposed, it's so dreadful to me how I cannot just have a painless guaranteed death even know I was burdened with this existence in the first place.

 

[Hunter2005]

Same I'm only here because of my stupid mother and retarded ass dad.