Story I saw my daughter

[LadyAlastor]

It's been 2 years I've been able to finally see my daughter, however under very different circumstances my ex walked back into my life and I love her so much we hurt each other so bad but I did the most.

I hurt her I hurt my daughter I've had two years of therapy I've gotten so much better me and my ex we started kissing and holding each other and the four weeks that I've had with my ex I've been the best weeks of my life and I f***** it up.

Honestly not surprising..I am, so tired, I'm tired of hurting people I love. I cut all the toxic people out of my life I thought I did everything right.

I worked on myself I worked on myself really hard and it just feels like it's futile uphill battle.

I got to see my daughter but I had to see her very much undercover. I could see her but she couldn't see me. my ex had planned it out because I can't see my any of my kids so I had to see her from afar.

Without being seen, I was very good at that but deep down all I wanted to do was run and hug her and tell her how sorry I am and I don't even get to do that I got to see your turn 14 which was great she's so grown up she's tall.

But everyday I can't spend with those two is the day I go deeper and deeper and deeper in the darkness I don't know what to do with myself yeah I f***** up one day, but it's just like it's something I shouldn't have f***** up on it's something that I've been working on for a very long time along with all my other issues and I disappointed my own EX and all I want is my family back and now it feels like I'm slipping in the cracks.

I told myself I'm going to second job I will build as much money as possible for her and for my daughter and when it's time when I feel it's enough I'll give her a good 90% of it and the last of it will probably before the final attempt.

I don't plan on coming back from this one I'm just so tired of hurting those I love I ask myself why I exist if I'm hurting the ones I love.

And the f***** up thing is the first time you hurt your family you didn't even realize you were doing it and that's the guilt that beats you down and chokes you.
All I want is My family to be happy. for some reason I can't wait to be happy without either of them, my daughter my doesn't even talk about me anymore. like I don't exist and I don't know what to do. My ex s said she was willing to drop the issue that we had yesterday but it's still eating me up inside.

so now I'm just preparing just in case cuz I'm afraid I'm going to f****** again and it's the one thing I don't want to do and I'd rather die than ever my family again.

 

[pole]

despite what you may have done in the past, you seem like an amazing parent that has a massive heart, cares so much about their family, and would give the world to the two people they love.

even if you feel as if your daughter doesn't acknowledge your existence or perhaps love you, she does, and she's lucky as shit to have such a great parent that loves her to death.

i'm sorry about the guilt you continue to feel. it seems your extremely exhausted by it and can't outrun what you may have done. on the other hand, to me, the love and care that you have for your ex and daughter grows stronger. they'd be devastated without the love and care you offer.

how you feel about them is so strong and it's something that's captivating and just by reading your words, it means something, and it means a great deal to your family, even if you don't see it, and without it, I think they'd be lost. a parents love is just something that can't be replaced.

you honestly deserve another chance to be with them again. I hope you can somehow continue to get better and build towards getting them back and giving your daughter the world like you'd want to. your a great parent and you deserve to have another chance at being with your daughter and your ex. and I hope that opportunity comes your way.

take care.