Venting I should have listened.

[sylvey]

I loved him and he loved me and everything was fine, even though I'm distant he never minded and he was all I could have ever asked for, but no, I had to go and end it because I didn't want to hurt him. I should have fucking listened when he said he didn't mind, because now I broke his heart worse then I ever would have by staying with him, and I made him think he's a burden, and I'm alone again, and it's all my fucking fault. Why can't I just fucking listen?? Why can't I just believe people when they say it's okay? Why couldn't I just accept that he really did love me, even though I had flaws?
I wish I never met him, because even though it means I would have never met the love of my life, I wouldn't have lost the love of my life either, and he'd be happy with someone who deserves him.
I remember when he told me we'd get married and he'd make me a breakfast themed wedding and the cake would be made out of waffles because I love breakfast food.
Well, I'll never have that now. And I'll never have someone like him again.
I fucking deserve to suffer.

 

[PAfb_640]

It's never too late to say sorry to him. Just do it. Trust me.

 

[sylvey]

It's never too late to say sorry to him. Just do it. Trust me.

I purposely made him hate me so I wouldn't try to do it. As wonderful as he was he was possessive and manipulative.

 

[Deleted member 8119]

Do you have BPD?

Please, apologize. There's a chance he's still willing to change and give you another chance. Acknowledge your mistakes, know what to never do again, and show him.

Your story reminds me of a friendship I had, which I was also hella possessive and destroyed it. I'd still want to revive it so badly. We can understand the reasons behind your behavior and see our hate isn't totally true.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

I loved him and he loved me and everything was fine, even though I'm distant he never minded and he was all I could have ever asked for, but no, I had to go and end it because I didn't want to hurt him. I should have fucking listened when he said he didn't mind, because now I broke his heart worse then I ever would have by staying with him, and I made him think he's a burden, and I'm alone again, and it's all my fucking fault. Why can't I just fucking listen?? Why can't I just believe people when they say it's okay? Why couldn't I just accept that he really did love me, even though I had flaws?
I wish I never met him, because even though it means I would have never met the love of my life, I wouldn't have lost the love of my life either, and he'd be happy with someone who deserves him.
I remember when he told me we'd get married and he'd make me a breakfast themed wedding and the cake would be made out of waffles because I love breakfast food.
Well, I'll never have that now. And I'll never have someone like him again.
I fucking deserve to suffer.

I don't believe anyone is truly deserving of suffering. You don't deserve to suffer. Be gentle with yourself.
I have to say, that's actually really cute about the "waffle wedding cake"!

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I purposely made him hate me so I wouldn't try to do it. As wonderful as he was he was possessive and manipulative.

That's abusive. So the relationship wasn't great. You dodged a bullet. He wasn't wonderful.. being possessive and manipulative is ABUSIVE and those types of people are VERY dangerous. Keep away from him, you deserve so much better!