I Shouldn’t Feel Like This

[IThinkIExistWrong]

I feel like I'm disrespecting people with real problems and issues. I have a supportive group of friends, a family that loves me, a good clean record, and yet still I fail to find motivation in life. The worst "issue" I feel like I've had is being told my best wasn't good enough when my grades used to slip and thats such a stupid insignificant thing for me to feel so shit about. I always feel as if I'm not good enough (which is why I bring the previous "issue" as the worst for me) or like I'm wasting my life but can never find motivation to try and push myself to do anything with it. I never have motivation for anything even things I used to find fun I can't just enjoy anymore without nitpicking it to death. I don't want to feel this way for no reason, I don't want to feel guilty for feeling like I don't deserve to live but my own "issues" don't exist or are so insignificant that I can't help but feel ashamed when looking at some other peoples real genuine reasons. I've SH'd multiple times, I got caught the first time as I'd done it on my arm but after getting threatened with psychiatric evaluation (I'm not trying to be dramatic over nothing they genuinely used it as a threat) and watching my mother cry over my actions I moved to an easier to cover up spot. There have been times where I've gone for months every day but if I got asked why I wouldn't be able to answer as I'm not even sure myself. I'm so sorry that I feel this way, I genuinely know I shouldn't and I'm so sorry for whatever you've gone through or are going through I really hope things get better. I just wanted to speak my mind (for some reason) since I'm not sure if I'd be able to with a friend. I'll probably just go back to distracting myself by tinkering with electronics like I usually do, it at least still keeps my mind off those thoughts in the moment. Sorry if this was disrespectful or if my writing is odd I'm not really great at it.

 

[Carrot]

It's not the contest. More than one person is allowed to feel sad, happy or be suicidal. Some people can withstand more psychological distress or physical pain. It can also depend on your environment and nearby people.

Somebody might lose a leg and their life is over. Somebody else might lose a leg and think it would be better if I had both legs, but they accept the situation and manage to move on.

 

[IThinkIExistWrong]

It's not the contest. More than one person is allowed to feel sad, happy or be suicidal. Some people can withstand more psychological distress or physical pain. It can also depend on your environment and nearby people.

Somebody might lose a leg and their life is over. Somebody else might lose a leg and think it would be better if I had both legs, but they accept the situation and manage to move on.

I understand that, I spoken with people and received similar responses but I still can't get past the feeling. I feel like I'm lying to myself because I can't for the life of me wrap my head around with I feel the way I do.

 

[getoutgirl]

Hi. First of all this is not disrespectful, you don't need what you think should be a "genuine reason" to be here or express this or feel the way you do. You don't. This is a space for everyone dealing with this, regardless of circumstances and thankfully with no judgement. So try to not feel bad about, get that guilt out of the way, which I know it's hard sometimes.

You sound like you have symptoms of depression. Not gonna diagnose, but if you haven't had psychiatric or psychological treatment yet, I'd say you might need that. You could use some help. The lack of motivation and joy and specially the SH itself are signs you are not doing well, which yeah obviously, but you really shouldn't rely just on SH and distractions forever, don't let this slip by or run away from it, that never works, and it really isn't worth it.
If you are not sure yourself why you are feeling this way, would want to know and how to get out of it, then you should seek help.
I could guess that guilt is a big part of why you might find that hard. Dealt with that myself too. When you don't feel like you are suffering "enough", that you should free space for the real ones going through the actual hard stuff. Or maybe you fear what others might think, family or friends, and that's why you might not want to talk to them about it yet (which is ok, you don't have to force yourself now)... but thing is all of that is just your brain doing a bit of lying to keep you in a comfort stasis, one which is just not sustainable. The self harm specially isn't either. I'd say you need help, and once you get it it will be easier to accept it, and easier to manage everything else.
If you can't access therapy or psychological treatment, consider resources online, this site has good ones in the recovery thread, those might help. You can also use this site to vent or ask for advice or just find any comfort that might make your days easier and a road to recovery more clear. But I'd still say the most important bit is getting yourself some help, and accepting you need some.
that's all I'll rant for now. In any case, take it easy, you are welcome here and I hope it helps you. Big hugs to you. <3

 

[IThinkIExistWrong]

Hi. First of all this is not disrespectful, you don't need what you think should be a "genuine reason" to be here or express this or feel the way you do. You don't. This is a space for everyone dealing with this, regardless of circumstances and thankfully with no judgement. So try to not feel bad about, get that guilt out of the way, which I know it's hard sometimes.

You sound like you have symptoms of depression. Not gonna diagnose, but if you haven't had psychiatric or psychological treatment yet, I'd say you might need that. You could use some help. The lack of motivation and joy and specially the SH itself are signs you are not doing well, which yeah obviously, but you really shouldn't rely just on SH and distractions forever, don't let this slip by or run away from it, that never works, and it really isn't worth it.
If you are not sure yourself why you are feeling this way, would want to know and how to get out of it, then you should seek help.
I could guess that guilt is a big part of why you might find that hard. Dealt with that myself too. When you don't feel like you are suffering "enough", that you should free space for the real ones going through the actual hard stuff. Or maybe you fear what others might think, family or friends, and that's why you might not want to talk to them about it yet (which is ok, you don't have to force yourself now)... but thing is all of that is just your brain doing a bit of lying to keep you in a comfort stasis, one which is just not sustainable. The self harm specially isn't either. I'd say you need help, and once you get it it will be easier to accept it, and easier to manage everything else.
If you can't access therapy or psychological treatment, consider resources online, this site has good ones in the recovery thread, those might help. You can also use this site to vent or ask for advice or just find any comfort that might make your days easier and a road to recovery more clear. But I'd still say the most important bit is getting yourself some help, and accepting you need some.
that's all I'll rant for now. In any case, take it easy, you are welcome here and I hope it helps you. Big hugs to you. <3

You're right, I haven't had any psychiatric or psychological treatment, I've also never been diagnosed with anything, I know I should probably just look into it but at this point I feel like I'm just scared that maybe I'll be fine and if that does happen then I'd still be left wondering the same thing. Still, thank you for the suggestions I'll for sure look into the Recovery Thread.

 

[IThinkIExistWrong]

Hi. First of all this is not disrespectful, you don't need what you think should be a "genuine reason" to be here or express this or feel the way you do. You don't. This is a space for everyone dealing with this, regardless of circumstances and thankfully with no judgement. So try to not feel bad about, get that guilt out of the way, which I know it's hard sometimes.

You sound like you have symptoms of depression. Not gonna diagnose, but if you haven't had psychiatric or psychological treatment yet, I'd say you might need that. You could use some help. The lack of motivation and joy and specially the SH itself are signs you are not doing well, which yeah obviously, but you really shouldn't rely just on SH and distractions forever, don't let this slip by or run away from it, that never works, and it really isn't worth it.
If you are not sure yourself why you are feeling this way, would want to know and how to get out of it, then you should seek help.
I could guess that guilt is a big part of why you might find that hard. Dealt with that myself too. When you don't feel like you are suffering "enough", that you should free space for the real ones going through the actual hard stuff. Or maybe you fear what others might think, family or friends, and that's why you might not want to talk to them about it yet (which is ok, you don't have to force yourself now)... but thing is all of that is just your brain doing a bit of lying to keep you in a comfort stasis, one which is just not sustainable. The self harm specially isn't either. I'd say you need help, and once you get it it will be easier to accept it, and easier to manage everything else.
If you can't access therapy or psychological treatment, consider resources online, this site has good ones in the recovery thread, those might help. You can also use this site to vent or ask for advice or just find any comfort that might make your days easier and a road to recovery more clear. But I'd still say the most important bit is getting yourself some help, and accepting you need some.
that's all I'll rant for now. In any case, take it easy, you are welcome here and I hope it helps you. Big hugs to you. <3

Sorry for bothering you but I'm not really sure where to start when looking for resources on the recovery thread and I was wondering if you maybe had an idea of where I should start, again sorry for bothering. Thank you.

 

[getoutgirl]

Hiii, no bother at all
I get it, it's pretty overwhelming, lots of links and threads. Don't try to get it all at once, take it easy with it. Feeling better is slow, what's important is to take the steps and try to keep it a bit consistent.
I'm no expert of that section, barely read a chunck of it, I think some mods like Dante_ might have worked on the resources compilation more so they could offer further advice.
but from what I know and you said about your situation:

the main recovery thread is this one

Recovery and Crisis Resource Compilation

The following are resources for you to reach out for help and support. We encourage you to seek recovery and be happy. Different resources work for different people, so we encourage you try several until you find what you need. Your happiness comes first. The list has been created from...

sanctioned-suicide.net

again, lots of links, but some that could be of use to you are

- Journaling https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-to-journal.165846/ I think if you are not planning on getting psychological help right now, at least you should try journaling. Works wonders when trying to sort out the confusion and mess in the head if you give it time. But it's also hard to start if you don't know how to, this might help.
- Self Harm Resources https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/self-harm-resources.166153/ I think this might be of use to you. The latter part for coping, distractions and support has specially helped me so, give it a read some day, it's got further links too.
- For anxiety attacks or emotional overwhelm https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...xiety-attacks-and-emotional-overwhelm.151599/ quick steps to calm down if you have a panic attack, I don't know if you experience them. Still good to know tips.
- crisis hotlines (same thing but if it gets real desperate. Sometimes they help. The list is there)
- Therapy https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/different-therapy-methods-alternatives-explained.139570/ which is me just being annoying about it :P. You said that despite your fear you should at least look into it, you can do so here, just brief summary of the kinds there are, some of the further ones are more alternatives if the usual don't work, don't need to read all of them Cognitive Behavioral is usually a good start I'd say.
- Online support https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/online-support-and-recovery-meeting-groups.153414/ which is for people who can't afford / access therapy, a list of some online alternatives you can skim through, maybe one interests you
- Youtube channels https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/youtube-channel-resources.162618/ similarly, if no therapy, you can still get a lot of good advice, tools and knowledge from some videos you can put in the background. Might make it easier.

- and finally https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...booklets-digital-resources-megathread.138817/ left this one for the end cos it's a more varied one. It's got a Lot of worksheets, diagrams, a workbook to manage suicidal ideation... great for self help, understanding and getting the actual knowledge behind what you are going through, how the mind works and how to better manage it. Just good useful reads. Might want to check the Breaking Depressive Cycles section and whichever interest you. I read a few each few days.

Again this is just a quick summary and there is still a lot I've missed for sure, some people will point you better. Still a bit overwhelming but like I said take it easy, step by step, and once you read a bit do consider getting that direct help if you can have access to it. Also you can vent and ask for anything in the forums, don't feel guilty about it really, ppl are nice. You are already puting a lot of effort by just looking this up, really hope you can see that and acknowledge it, you are already doing a lot. Hope this helps, take care <3

 

[IThinkIExistWrong]

Hiii, no bother at all
I get it, it's pretty overwhelming, lots of links and threads. Don't try to get it all at once, take it easy with it. Feeling better is slow, what's important is to take the steps and try to keep it a bit consistent.
I'm no expert of that section, barely read a chunck of it, I think some mods like Dante_ might have worked on the resources compilation more so they could offer further advice.
but from what I know and you said about your situation:

the main recovery thread is this one

Recovery and Crisis Resource Compilation

The following are resources for you to reach out for help and support. We encourage you to seek recovery and be happy. Different resources work for different people, so we encourage you try several until you find what you need. Your happiness comes first. The list has been created from...

sanctioned-suicide.net

again, lots of links, but some that could be of use to you are

- Journaling https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-to-journal.165846/ I think if you are not planning on getting psychological help right now, at least you should try journaling. Works wonders when trying to sort out the confusion and mess in the head if you give it time. But it's also hard to start if you don't know how to, this might help.
- Self Harm Resources https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/self-harm-resources.166153/ I think this might be of use to you. The latter part for coping, distractions and support has specially helped me so, give it a read some day, it's got further links too.
- For anxiety attacks or emotional overwhelm https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...xiety-attacks-and-emotional-overwhelm.151599/ quick steps to calm down if you have a panic attack, I don't know if you experience them. Still good to know tips.
- crisis hotlines (same thing but if it gets real desperate. Sometimes they help. The list is there)
- Therapy https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/different-therapy-methods-alternatives-explained.139570/ which is me just being annoying about it :P. You said that despite your fear you should at least look into it, you can do so here, just brief summary of the kinds there are, some of the further ones are more alternatives if the usual don't work, don't need to read all of them Cognitive Behavioral is usually a good start I'd say.
- Online support https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/online-support-and-recovery-meeting-groups.153414/ which is for people who can't afford / access therapy, a list of some online alternatives you can skim through, maybe one interests you
- Youtube channels https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/youtube-channel-resources.162618/ similarly, if no therapy, you can still get a lot of good advice, tools and knowledge from some videos you can put in the background. Might make it easier.

- and finally https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...booklets-digital-resources-megathread.138817/ left this one for the end cos it's a more varied one. It's got a Lot of worksheets, diagrams, a workbook to manage suicidal ideation... great for self help, understanding and getting the actual knowledge behind what you are going through, how the mind works and how to better manage it. Just good useful reads. Might want to check the Breaking Depressive Cycles section and whichever interest you. I read a few each few days.

Again this is just a quick summary and there is still a lot I've missed for sure, some people will point you better. Still a bit overwhelming but like I said take it easy, step by step, and once you read a bit do consider getting that direct help if you can have access to it. Also you can vent and ask for anything in the forums, don't feel guilty about it really, ppl are nice. You are already puting a lot of effort by just looking this up, really hope you can see that and acknowledge it, you are already doing a lot. Hope this helps, take care <3

You take care as well, thank you for being so helpful you have been super great!