Story I started self-harming again

[lilyeehaw]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but anyway on with the story!

I used to self-harm 3-6 months ago, it helped me stop myself from thinking of suicide so much.

Once I stopped self-harming I became more suicidal again.

I started self-harming myself again about a week ago and the suicidal feelings have lessened.

not the best coping mechanism but at least I'm still alive

Does anyone else feel like this?

 

[FullCircle]

I understand. I've battled self harm on and off for 12 years. Sometimes it's the only thing that makes my mind stop racing.
The problem is that for me it's gotten so bad that I occasionally need medical attention. So ultimately it causes more problems than it solves.

 

[lilyeehaw]

I understand. I've battled self harm on and off for 12 years. Sometimes it's the only thing that makes my mind stop racing.
The problem is that for me it's gotten so bad that I occasionally need medical attention. So ultimately it causes more problems than it solves.

Yeah, part of me wants to cut deeper but another part of me dosen't want to end up in the hospital

 

[FullCircle]

Yeah, part of me wants to cut deeper but another part of me dosen't want to end up in the hospital

I don't recommend it. I went in for stitches so I could go back to work because every time I moved the cut started bleeding, I'm still paying for the ambulance ride to the ER because the DR at the clinic freaked out and wouldn't let me drive myself. They took my clothes and all my stuff. They only let me keep my phone because the nurse felt bad for me.
Once they decide you're a risk to yourself, no one cares what you say.
I totally get that it helps. But the consequences don't out-weigh the reward.

 

[salvation]

Recently I've been burning myself and cutting my arms. I'm always nervous that I will cut a vein and die a painful death though. The problem is that I don't really feel pain well.

 

[Nightglimmer]

I have been an avid self harmed for a while now and I've honestly gotten to the point where it doesn't even help. I'm consistently cutting deep enough for stitches (I never get them regardless) and its just a pain to have to take care of my cuts. I used to do it to feel better, but now all I feel is the urge to get even worse because my cuts are too "small" in my eyes. Self harm can help in the short term but for me it backfired and caused more harm then help so be careful.

 

[Saga]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but anyway on with the story!

I used to self-harm 3-6 months ago, it helped me stop myself from thinking of suicide so much.

Once I stopped self-harming I became more suicidal again.

I started self-harming myself again about a week ago and the suicidal feelings have lessened.

not the best coping mechanism but at least I'm still alive

Does anyone else feel like this?

were the same...the pain just makes everything stops but its only temporary although im still suicidal so every cut gets deeper

 

[Kjo]

I have this problem too. I slice my legs to survive. It's terrible. Can't get myself to cut though I was 3 years clean, my longest over the 15+ years of struggling with this addiction.

 

[Saga]

i cut everywhere...until everything hurts

 

[Midnight_Rambler]

I get it. Sometimes self harm is the only way I can cope. I do what I have to to deal with the pain.

 

[kkatt]

I haven't cut myself for years, but recently have done it a few times. Last night was quite a serious injury (lost about 500ml blood). The problem is that no hospital will stitch me anymore, for two reasons. One because I have a history of pulling them out, but more importantly, I am immunocomprimised and suturing a wound may actually present a greater risk of infection. I don't believe in asking for medical advice online anyway, but had hoped to maybe get some suggestions.

 

[Rocksandsand]

Hey @kkatt firstly, I'm really sorry that you felt the urge again. As a fellow recovering self harmer, I get how hard it can be. I have a couple of questions. I have a background as a paramedic, so they aren't just random haha

Just how deep are we talking here? How far apart are the wound edges? Generally stitches are an option for the first 24 hours after a wound occurs. If it's very very deep, the risk of infection may be outweighed by the need to close the wound.. otherwise, keep it clean with salt water (a teaspoon dissolved in a warm cup of water will do it). Do that after you have a shower, as well as morning and night. You can use something like betadine (I hope that product is available outside of Australia) to flush things out if it starts to look mucky. I think dressings may be appropriate here, just given the severity of the bleeding. But they can be expensive to buy yourself. Things should be okay uncovered, but you may scar more heavily

Of course, if you get any broader symptoms like abnormal pain, pus, or a fever, best go to the doctor - particularly because you're immunocompromised.

 

[EmptySteph62]

I feel you, I had mostly stopped during the summer but now that things are getting really bad again I can't fight the urge anymore. I'm back up to 3 times a week.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

I don't recommend it. I went in for stitches so I could go back to work because every time I moved the cut started bleeding, I'm still paying for the ambulance ride to the ER because the DR at the clinic freaked out and wouldn't let me drive myself. They took my clothes and all my stuff. They only let me keep my phone because the nurse felt bad for me.
Once they decide you're a risk to yourself, no one cares what you say.
I totally get that it helps. But the consequences don't out-weigh the reward.

It's true that once they decide that no one cares what you say. A crsis line sent the police to where I was in a parking lot. Six cars showed up. I'm still messed up by that and won't keep the location of my phone on. The involuntarily hospitalized me. I begged them not to because I have no job or insurance. But they didn't care about the added stress.

 

[kkatt]

Hey @kkatt firstly, I'm really sorry that you felt the urge again. As a fellow recovering self harmer, I get how hard it can be. I have a couple of questions. I have a background as a paramedic, so they aren't just random haha

Just how deep are we talking here? How far apart are the wound edges? Generally stitches are an option for the first 24 hours after a wound occurs. If it's very very deep, the risk of infection may be outweighed by the need to close the wound.. otherwise, keep it clean with salt water (a teaspoon dissolved in a warm cup of water will do it). Do that after you have a shower, as well as morning and night. You can use something like betadine (I hope that product is available outside of Australia) to flush things out if it starts to look mucky. I think dressings may be appropriate here, just given the severity of the bleeding. But they can be expensive to buy yourself. Things should be okay uncovered, but you may scar more heavily

Of course, if you get any broader symptoms like abnormal pain, pus, or a fever, best go to the doctor - particularly because you're immunocompromised.

Thanks for some expert advice. I sent a PM. Hope that's ok.

 

[irregularheartbeat]

I can definetly resonate in the fact that it helps lessen suicidal thoughts.
A lot of those close to me found out I was harming again, and they don't understand my reply of "well Im alive, which would you prefer?" It's difficult to explain, or express without people getting incredibly upset or angry for the justifications. But I feel as though, if I find just one thing that makes me content with living shouldn't that be enough? No matter if it's harmful?

 

[scorpiooo2]

I too relapsed back into self harm about a week ago. I'm trying to quit now.

Some methods that worked for me (other than just trying my best to stop) were putting ice cubes on the places I usually cut and putting my wrist (where I cut) under hot water.

I'm not saying these methods are healthy, but for people who self harm because it helps them cope with the emotional pain to hurt themselves it's better than cutting or burning (to the point where it scars) I have days where I regret my self harm scars and want them to go away, then there are other days where I'm proud of them because they aren't fresh which means I'm healing in a way.

I respect which ever decision you choose to make, whether you decide to stop or decide to keep doing it. I know it truly does help sometimes but I'd encourage you to try some other methods.