Venting i strangled myself yesterday and still feel the effects of it

[uselessflesh]

i feel like such an idiot so im sorry that the answer isn't right there in front of me, i just want to know if i've damaged myself permanently or not because i've never done this. i looked at the NN method and choked myself with a fair amnt of pressure for a few seconds in said spots, the most i felt was lightheaded slight pain and tiredness, went to sleep at night and woke up with throat pain. still feeling lightheaded and my voice is pretty weak. i feel weak, tired in general. i'm sure it'll go away ?? but i'm sorry for being an idiot. a huge coward for not going through with making myself pass out or anything. i know it's not that easy to just end my life.

everyone has given up on me so they aren't taking me seriously and i just want to cry for help, for love but they'll only tell me to pray and go to bible verses. i can't go to the hospital because i don't want to put myself in debt and it'd greatly burden and irritate my guardian more than they already are. this really is the most i've considered genuinely ctb if people are just going to step on me like this my whole life and i have college starting soon i can't handle any more worries on my plate