Venting I think I am forced to recover

[Namelesa]

(I think this is the best section to do this thread as it is partly about recovery) I don't think I am able to ctb at all due to my parents trapping and restricting me. I can't go outside (unless I walk the dog but even then I can't go travel far) nor can buy things online on my own. The one method I had access is a bust now cus one of the objects needed for it broke the last time I attempted it so the method has become unreliable and I don't think I can do it else where. Honestly I wish I had access to a method even if I didn't intend on 100% wanting to die as I would feel less trapped and that there is a plan B if I can't handle life anymore.

Seen as I am forced to keep living, I guess I have to give trying to get better another go and I do have genuine reasons to stay alive. I want to be able to continue developing the games I want to make and be able to see and maybe live with my best friend. I just find it so difficult in either having to deal with too little emotion or too much of it. It is hard to consistently keep working as I can get burnt out and I can't even physically see my friend due to both our families restrictions. I have trouble with feelings of emptiness and its getting hard to fill void as time passes. I have tried using friends as a way to decrease the emptiness but its often made me feel worse cus of the risk of abandonment and increasing guilt and worthlessness if I do something wrong.

Question is should I try to make money to try and escape my living situation? Do I attempt to finish making the game I am developing now and make money off it? Do I try do some other form of online work to get money? I probably won't even be able to do some other type of work cus I don't like being constricted to being told what to do in most cases scared of failure or disappointment. I do have one idea about a type of work I can do but won't mention about it here now but otherwise I don't think I am fit to do any other work. Or should I just try to wait it out and pretend I am less suicidal so that I could get more freedom and maybe be able to see my friend? I don't expect answers to these questions as I am probably the one if the most information on what choices I should make, just mostly wanting to vent out my frustration with not knowing what to do and how trapped I feel with it being hard to get better or to ctb.

 

[RULE8AM]

Question is should I try to make money to try and escape my living situation? Do I attempt to finish making the game I am developing now and make money off it? Do I try do some other form of online work to get money?

Well if you are able to escape then do that.
Even if you were scheduled to ctb tomorrow you should still continue making your game.

however many weeks/months/years you have left don't have to be boring and lackluster.