A
affirmatice
Student
- Aug 31, 2024
- 148
I think… I made my decision.
Which is to say I don't think I can overcome or adapt to the challenge I'm facing.
One that will only continue to get worse in the future.
I have a few things to enjoy for the rest of the year. I'll try my best to live these months fully. A trip with some friends, see my long distance girlfriend in person hopefully, visit my family.
And then after the new year, I may call it quits.
It'll be difficult - maybe impossible to fully enjoy these moments, with what's going on in my head and my impending plan. But no matter what, I just could not find a way to accept the harsh truths of my current life.
It's been extremely exhausting to live the past 5 years. I'm sad that this is the way my story will end. But if anything I'd rather go out on the highest note I can. Rather than continue to spiral down, self sabotage, and suffer everyday.
There are many things that could've prevented me from being in this position… I tormented myself endlessly for years over how things could've gone. But the reality is I have to accept these facts of my life. And I guess this is my form of acceptance. Accepting that I may never be happy and may never live the life I wanted to live. To me, death is more preferable than falling short of my own expectations.
Which is to say I don't think I can overcome or adapt to the challenge I'm facing.
One that will only continue to get worse in the future.
I have a few things to enjoy for the rest of the year. I'll try my best to live these months fully. A trip with some friends, see my long distance girlfriend in person hopefully, visit my family.
And then after the new year, I may call it quits.
It'll be difficult - maybe impossible to fully enjoy these moments, with what's going on in my head and my impending plan. But no matter what, I just could not find a way to accept the harsh truths of my current life.
It's been extremely exhausting to live the past 5 years. I'm sad that this is the way my story will end. But if anything I'd rather go out on the highest note I can. Rather than continue to spiral down, self sabotage, and suffer everyday.
There are many things that could've prevented me from being in this position… I tormented myself endlessly for years over how things could've gone. But the reality is I have to accept these facts of my life. And I guess this is my form of acceptance. Accepting that I may never be happy and may never live the life I wanted to live. To me, death is more preferable than falling short of my own expectations.