I think i need a "suicide buddy"?

[Vaarasusi]

I've tried to kill myself for 1,5 years but I've just been too coward. I think that one big reason why I still haven't found the courage to do it is because dying alone is very lonely and dreadful?

So I've been thinking that maybe I don't have to do it alone. I'm in hospital at the moment so I probably also need some help with lying to the nurses and doctors so they would let me go out from here.

My plan is hanging but I'm also open to other ideas. I live in Finland so of course it would be best if you lived here as well (though it is pretty likely that I'm the only Finnish person here :--D) Hmm maybe some other nordic or European country would be ok as well.

I'm 19 and I hope that you're over 18 too.

 

[Vaarasusi]

And by the help with lying to the nurses and doctors I mean that you don't need to lie to them but I wish that I could talk to you about how I've lied to them.

 

[Mari]

Hi there!

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this these times :( I wouldn't be able to help you out with those specific requests, but if you need someone to talk to generally, feel free to pm me.

<3

 

[Vaarasusi]

Hi there!

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this these times :( I wouldn't be able to help you out with those specific requests, but if you need someone to talk to generally, feel free to pm me.

<3

Thanks a lot.

 

[BurningLights]

How come your in hospital if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Vaarasusi]

How come your in hospital if you don't mind me asking?

I tried to kill myself a month ago. I thought I would have had the courage to hang myself if I took some (about 300mg) oxazepam. But no, it didn't help because something that I don't remember happened after I took the medicine.

 

[BurningLights]

I tried to kill myself a month ago. I thought I would have had the courage to hang myself if I took some (about 300mg) oxazepam. But no, it didn't help because something that I don't remember happened after I took the medicine.

I'm guessing that's a benzo, I've said in a few threads about that, blacking out and then not knowing what your doing. Sorry that that actually happened, I've been there myself. Came to 2 days later in the hospital.
I would concentrate on getting out of hospital before anything else. Jump through the hoops and tell em what they want to hear. Feel free to pm me anytime though man.

 

[Vaarasusi]

I'm guessing that's a benzo, I've said in a few threads about that, blacking out and then not knowing what your doing. Sorry that that actually happened, I've been there myself. Came to 2 days later in the hospital.
I would concentrate on getting out of hospital before anything else. Jump through the hoops and tell em what they want to hear. Feel free to pm me anytime though man.

Yeah. Lying is just so hard for me. But I can't stand the thought of being stuck in here for maybe even months. I don't even want to feel better. And how should I lie? Should I tell them that I feel ok already and don't want to die anymore (not very believable)? Or that I don't feel ok but I want to feel ok again (more believable but might took a while before they let me go)?

Argh the desire to die is too high and I'm afraid that I'm going to do something stupid soon. A while ago I was outside walking with a nurse and I thought about running to a motorway (it's very near). I really don't want to end up paralyzed...

 

[BurningLights]

Sounds like in your in a tough situation man. In my experience just saying you want to live, or you do see a future is good enough for them. But then I am in the UK.

 

[Empty Smile]

Yeah. Lying is just so hard for me. But I can't stand the thought of being stuck in here for maybe even months. I don't even want to feel better. And how should I lie? Should I tell them that I feel ok already and don't want to die anymore (not very believable)? Or that I don't feel ok but I want to feel ok again (more believable but might took a while before they let me go)?

Argh the desire to die is too high and I'm afraid that I'm going to do something stupid soon. A while ago I was outside walking with a nurse and I thought about running to a motorway (it's very near). I really don't want to end up paralyzed...

When they had me in hospital for about a month, the first 3 weeks I wouldn't communicate with anyone or eat. Once a day I would have to go one on one with the doctor. End of 3rd week, she tells me that they are going to send me to the big house for mentally ill.

I thought to myself fuck that, and went into my planning stages. So from that day, I started eating slowly, and started talking to people. Plus, each day I had to see doc, I put in my fake smile and told her what she wanted to hear. It was all lies, but I made it work.

So instead of being sent away the next week, I was released. Since then, I've been on the roller coaster of hell. I was sent back to the hospital several weeks later for another suicide attempt, and was there for a few weeks.

After I got out that last time, I vowed to keep my mouth shut, and not make any suicidal talk, or any kind of action which would lead someone to figure it out.

So my plan is going deep into the woods, and carrying out my suicide. There, I won't be found, and I honestly don't give a shit if my body is ever found.

 

[Strumgewehr]

When they had me in hospital for about a month, the first 3 weeks I wouldn't communicate with anyone or eat. Once a day I would have to go one on one with the doctor. End of 3rd week, she tells me that they are going to send me to the big house for mentally ill.

I thought to myself fuck that, and went into my planning stages. So from that day, I started eating slowly, and started talking to people. Plus, each day I had to see doc, I put in my fake smile and told her what she wanted to hear. It was all lies, but I made it work.

So instead of being sent away the next week, I was released. Since then, I've been on the roller coaster of hell. I was sent back to the hospital several weeks later for another suicide attempt, and was there for a few weeks.

After I got out that last time, I vowed to keep my mouth shut, and not make any suicidal talk, or any kind of action which would lead someone to figure it out.

So my plan is going deep into the woods, and carrying out my suicide. There, I won't be found, and I honestly don't give a shit if my body is ever found.

I'm sorry that sounds rough.