I think i’m more ready to ctb but i don’t want to be

[Volatile]

I hate my apartment situation, but I thought my problem was unique. After pouring through apartment forums, it seems most people who live in an apartment fucking hate it.

This truly explains why many people out and about in society are mean and miserable. They must hate their living situation.

I miss living in a house and it kills me to know that i'll never be able to afford it anytime soon. I'm on disability and can barely afford rent. I am starting to realize that I will be on disability forever due to my issues which is very discouraging.

My anxiety and paranoia only exacerbate the negatives of apartment living.

Knowing I can't just drive off to a secluded place and survive there makes me sad.

My bucket list items are to read certain books. The list keeps growing though. My OCD makes me obsess about completing it.

I realize when I die that having completed the list or not won't mean anything. It's bittersweet.

 

[CJM]

Funny. I sold my house in the suburbs last month and moved into an apartment in the city, much happier.

But similar in a sense that I wasn't happy with the living situation and I needed to change that.

 

[TengoK]

Hey Volatile, on living and accommodation worries, you definitely have my sympathies and understanding. I'm guessing as you're referencing your living situation as 'apartment' that we're probably in different countries. I live in the UK. I'm in a dilapidated, run-down one-bedroom flat on the 5th floor of a very old block of flats. I've lived here since 2005. In 2006 I became physically disabled and walk (badly) with crutches and a prosthetic limb, though I'm increasingly a wheelchair user. When I was let home from hospital in 06, my mother still lived in the same block, so stupidly (really stupidly) I stayed here. She died a couple of years ago, and for various complex family reasons too tedious to discuss here, I can't afford to move out of this shithole. The whole place is horribly inaccessible to me - slippery floors to the lift (I've fallen over loads of times), the lift itself is over 70 years old and keeps breaking, the housing situation in this country is insane. I'm going to be renting forever, I know that, and on some kind of disability benefit forever too (though our pathologically mean govt are changing how that works too, so at some point I may well lose that too. Insecurity about going out has made me acutely agoraphobic - I haven't even stepped outside my flat since February last year (well over 600 days). Oh, and I also have a neurological disability - I'm on the autistic spectrum.

My dire, disastrously depressing housing situation is definitely one reason I want to ctb. I'd rather go when I'm somewhere else, but I'm guessing my exit will be in this prison I detest.

So yeah, completely understand hear you.

 

[Volatile]

Hey Volatile, on living and accommodation worries, you definitely have my sympathies and understanding. I'm guessing as you're referencing your living situation as 'apartment' that we're probably in different countries. I live in the UK. I'm in a dilapidated, run-down one-bedroom flat on the 5th floor of a very old block of flats. I've lived here since 2005. In 2006 I became physically disabled and walk (badly) with crutches and a prosthetic limb, though I'm increasingly a wheelchair user. When I was let home from hospital in 06, my mother still lived in the same block, so stupidly (really stupidly) I stayed here. She died a couple of years ago, and for various complex family reasons too tedious to discuss here, I can't afford to move out of this shithole. The whole place is horribly inaccessible to me - slippery floors to the lift (I've fallen over loads of times), the lift itself is over 70 years old and keeps breaking, the housing situation in this country is insane. I'm going to be renting forever, I know that, and on some kind of disability benefit forever too (though our pathologically mean govt are changing how that works too, so at some point I may well lose that too. Insecurity about going out has made me acutely agoraphobic - I haven't even stepped outside my flat since February last year (well over 600 days). Oh, and I also have a neurological disability - I'm on the autistic spectrum.

My dire, disastrously depressing housing situation is definitely one reason I want to ctb. I'd rather go when I'm somewhere else, but I'm guessing my exit will be in this prison I detest.

So yeah, completely understand hear you.

your situation is much worse on the outside. My mind makes a hell out of any place I live

 

[Volatile]

Funny. I sold my house in the suburbs last month and moved into an apartment in the city, much happier.

But similar in a sense that I wasn't happy with the living situation and I needed to change that.

Why would you like living in an apartment?

 

[CJM]

Why would you like living in an apartment?

Closer to work, more things happening in the city, always lived in the suburbs, tidy profit made off the house but above all else it's a complete reset for me. Leave the old life behind.

 

[Volatile]

Closer to work, more things happening in the city, always lived in the suburbs, tidy profit made off the house but above all else it's a complete reset for me. Leave the old life behind.

I can't relate. City life is hell

 

[Final Escape]

I hate my apartment situation, but I thought my problem was unique. After pouring through apartment forums, it seems most people who live in an apartment fucking hate it.

This truly explains why many people out and about in society are mean and miserable. They must hate their living situation.

I miss living in a house and it kills me to know that i'll never be able to afford it anytime soon. I'm on disability and can barely afford rent. I am starting to realize that I will be on disability forever due to my issues which is very discouraging.

My anxiety and paranoia only exacerbate the negatives of apartment living.

Knowing I can't just drive off to a secluded place and survive there makes me sad.

My bucket list items are to read certain books. The list keeps growing though. My OCD makes me obsess about completing it.

I realize when I die that having completed the list or not won't mean anything. It's bittersweet.

I know right? I wish there was more of an option to easily go off the grid and live in a supportive community of other people who can't thrive in the current system. Just to have that peace and not worry about expensive expenses and feeling like I'm dependent on the monetary system. Which will collapse anyway.