I think the 'non-carceral suicide hotline' that I mentioned blocked me.

[fallingleaves]

I didn't do anything wrong. I take back everything nice I said about it. I am in unbearable pain. Please, what is the fastest and least painful way to end it? I'm so tired of the pain. I'm so weak and I'm afraid of dying but I can't take the pain anymore. I wanted someone to care about me.

Btw it was the 'Thrive Lifeline' from the resources section. Non-carceral, but they said I was texting them back too much and were going to block me for the rest of the day. Guess they decided to extend that to forever for no fucking reason. I complained in their discord, calling Thrive 'trash' and one of their admins has been getting super offended because how dare I harshly criticize an organization that has let me down in a time of great need? That admin took my criticism extremely personally. Hooray.

There are no safe places! There is nowhere to turn. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

 

[fallingleaves]

Why am I always ignored? Why doesn't anyone care?

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I didn't do anything wrong. I take back everything nice I said about it. I am in unbearable pain. Please, what is the fastest and least painful way to end it? I'm so tired of the pain. I'm so weak and I'm afraid of dying but I can't take the pain anymore. I wanted someone to care about me.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I understand how you feel; you aren't just feeling sad, you feel like you're being crushed by unbearable emotional pain. I feel the same way, like I'm just not built to handle the normal stresses of life. Like even the most minor challenges are now so difficult that I'd rather day than spend one more day alive.

 

[fallingleaves]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I understand how you feel; you aren't just feeling sad, you feel like you're being crushed by unbearable emotional pain. I feel the same way, like I'm just not built to handle the normal stresses of life. Like even the most minor challenges are now so difficult that I'd rather day than spend one more day alive.

I feel like i can't handle the normal stresses either but I don't think I am under particularly normal stresses right now. I'm deeply traumatized. I feel betrayed, abandoned. I don't feel safe anywhere. I can no longer function. I'm drowning in grief. I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. I wish things were different but the suffering is so great.

Or maybe that is what you were trying to say, sorry.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Trans Lifeline posted a few other anti-location-tracing helplines on their Insta, I can find them for you.

 

[fallingleaves]

Trans Lifeline posted a few other anti-location-tracing helplines on their Insta, I can find them for you.

Okay. Sure. Thanks. But I was banned from TLL itself seven years ago in a way that I also find unjust. People probably won't believe me, but at least at the time I didn't find that to be a very accountable organization at all. I've tried to call them recently and they don't pick up, leading me to believe the block is still there. I feel like the world wants me to die. I try to hard to reach out but nowhere is safe and everyone turns their backs. Why doesn't anyone ever come back?

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Okay. Sure. Thanks. But I was banned from TLL itself seven years ago in a way that I also find unjust. People probably won't believe me, but at least at the time I didn't find that to be a very accountable organization at all. I've tried to call them recently and they don't pick up, leading me to believe the block is still there. I feel like the world wants me to die. I try to hard to reach out but nowhere is safe and everyone turns their backs.

I'll send em over dw! Also Trans Lifeline has been SWAMPED with calls especially since Trump got elected. They didn't pickup for me either... and I called like 12 times lol. If you feel comfortable could you tell me how you were blocked? My conversation section is open, I just wanna make sure I know their limits because if I get blocked (if they still do that) that genuinely might be my last straw...

Community-Based Crisis Support Resources - Trans Lifeline

Hotlines That Avoid Police Crisis Support Guides Support Groups for Survivors of Forced Treatment Peer Support Orgs & Respites Mental Health Crisis

translifeline.org

 

[fallingleaves]

I'll send em over dw! Also Trans Lifeline has been SWAMPED with calls especially since Trump got elected. They didn't pickup for me either... and I called like 12 times lol. If you feel comfortable could you tell me how you were blocked? My conversation section is open, I just wanna make sure I know their limits because if I get blocked (if they still do that) that genuinely might be my last straw...

Community-Based Crisis Support Resources - Trans Lifeline

Hotlines That Avoid Police Crisis Support Guides Support Groups for Survivors of Forced Treatment Peer Support Orgs & Respites Mental Health Crisis

translifeline.org

I'll think about your question if you don't mind, my head is spinning right now and I'm not comfortable with anything or having a good time with words. I was a volunteer as well as a caller at the time and I got ganged up on in that context in a sleep deprived state and I was demanded to agree to certain things that I can't even remember the specifics of? Was horrific. Makes me so sad that I can't use TLL. Feel so betrayed. Feel so betrayed by Thrive. Think I unfortunately might have seen this list before and I don't know what there is left for me.

Today I'm probably going to go to my ex's house, who is the only person I have left, who promised to talk to me and broke that promise like every other promise, and hope that they let me in so we can talk. Because I feel at the end of my rope. For me, suicide feels like a tragic end to my life. I don't feel capable of glorifying it or reframing it. But maybe I can't take it anymore. Everyone turns their backs on me. I am a good person. I just can't take this. I need to talk to someone from my life for real. Face to face. I'm dying.

 

[cowboypants]

Not if i understood your post right but I don't think they are pro choice.They mention they are life affirming in their site.

Sorry you are having a bad time tho

 

[fallingleaves]

Not if i understood your post right but I don't think they are pro choice.They mention they are life affirming in their site.

Sorry you are having a bad time tho

Yeah I changed the title of the post. It wasn't totally accurate. I'm in hell right now but I noticed that too.

 

[Ah.ow]

I appreciate you posting this, my experience was like this for all resources. when I sense they will yell, I don't get into much. it seemed non-carceral doesn't mean non traumatic or non discriminating. but those qualities can definitely worsen carceral risks, so they feel more failing then.
they feel like confusing organizations to me. i am thankful to hear people speaking about it

is it ok too to ask who the reactive discord person was? I think I recognized who you meant, and it could be validating to hear they weren't mean to me only

 

[physai]

Very sorry you were let down like that. I understand the feeling of everything and everyone turning you down when you most need it. You deserve to be listened and heard and I sincerely hope you find someone that will.

 

[fallingleaves]

I appreciate you posting this, my experience was like this for all resources. when I sense they will yell, I don't get into much. it seemed non-carceral doesn't mean non traumatic or non discriminating. but those qualities can definitely worsen carceral risks, so they feel more failing then.
they feel like confusing organizations to me. i am thankful to hear people speaking about it

is it ok too to ask who the reactive discord person was? I think I recognized who you meant, and it could be validating to hear they weren't mean to me only

Ash on the Stronger Together discord.

I appreciate your point about how non-carceral doesn't mean non-traumatic or non-discriminating. That's so true. :(

Very sorry you were let down like that. I understand the feeling of everything and everyone turning you down when you most need it. You deserve to be listened and heard and I sincerely hope you find someone that will.

Thank you. I don't think I will. I really want to die right now. I'm so much unbearable pain.