I think using my firearm would be too messy

[conquest_gold]

So, I own a firearm and the thing is I think about using it all the time. I'll hold it to my head and just hope that if I do I'll go through with it. I have a plan for if I ever do decide to use it too. But I feel like it's too messy. If I'm going I don't want it to look like a crime scene. I want it to be peaceful. And I'm not judging anyone who does use a firearm. I understand wanting to use one because often times I want to use mine too.

Honestly, I'm scared of it for some reason? It's kind of funny tbh. I'm scared of any method using a weapon like a firearm or a blade. I think because I relate them to pain too much and I really want to go out calmly.

I can take pills easy. I've done that before. I was young and didn't really know what I was doing. ODing is probably what I would prefer. I don't really know what I should do though. Like I just want to drink a ton of sleep medicine and just not wake up yknow? I don't want it to be super complicated and I have to buy something illegal or anything.

CTB should be easy. Nothing else about this is so why can't this be? I just want to leave everything behind and find a nice, pretty and secluded place and just go. I would love for there to be flowers too. It would be so wonderful to just fall asleep in a forest surround by flowers and never wake up. That seems like I'm romanticizing it, but really I just want to go out calmly, sweetly, something like that.

Idrk where I'm going with this. Just kind of yapping I guess.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting to never wake again, to fall asleep permanently really is all I hope for, I just want a death as painless as possible with no more pain, no more suffering, I wish there's the option to just simply cease existing in peace and finally forget about this existence.

 

[struggles_inc]

They say when someone shoots themselves in the head, the bullet is faster than the reaction of your brain to pain. The mess, however, depends on the gun.

 

[wiggy]

You and whatever mess it makes will not coexist for any amount of time. It seems like kind of a silly thing, but when people are overly concerned about the practicalities of things after their death I tend to suspect they don't fully appreciate the implication of taking their own life. You might as well be stressing about the mess that the death of the sun will make when it engulfs earth billions of years from now.

 

[maniac116]

It would be a nasty mess for whoever finds you as well as cleanup crew. Skull & teeth could be embedded in the walls, not to mention all the blood splatter. Personally I couldn't do it.
I want a peaceful non violent way out.