So, I used to have existential crises on the daily when thinking about why anything exists at all. Not so much anymore, I guess because I eventually became unbothered by the acknowledgement that I may never ultimately know why anything exists. But also, if I did know the answer, I think all answers are unsatisfactory and actually absurd. Obviously yes there is some kind of answer, if it can even be formualted by the limited number of sounds we can make that we like to call language.
But any answer, even "THE ANSWER" is not able to satisfy that nagging question of "But still, why though?"
Maybe there's some unknown physics that lies outside of the observable universe that is responsible for universe(s) beginning to exist. But then, why does that exist? Why is there a system or process that allows for a universe to big bang and suddenly exist? Well maybe there's a further physics beyond that physics. The question can be asked ad infinitum. Eventually we hit one of two answers, generally speaking.
Either something just exists without any reason, and that's not a satisfying answer. But it is what it is, if that's how it is. Or, there is no full stop, and all processes are preceded by processes infinitely. Also, mind-fuckingly unsatisfying, but it is what it is, if that's how it is.
I think about it from time to time, to keep staring into that abyss and never forget it. But also I've learned to not let it have power over me anymore. Yeah I can become paralyzed and look at my fingers and think "why the fuck did a dense point begin the expand and do shit with stars, planets, sub-particles, time dilation, and fire ants, all to get to this random point where I'm struck by it all and wondering why I am a thing that has fingerprints????"
But I've already been paralyzed by these questions countless times before, so I've learned to just accept the absurdity of it, and exist conscious of the absurdity of existence.
I'm using the word absurdity on purpose because this work had a big impact on me:
Or you can listen while doing other things :)