Story I thought I recovered but I clearly haven't and probably never will, but I still want to get help

[the_phoenix_project]

I've been dealing with depression/anxiety/whatever since at least 2011. I thought I recovered but the past few years have clearly shown me that I still have lots of issues to deal with. It's kind of a miracle that I managed to finish a degree and then work full time jobs in these couple years under these circumstances. But I just realised that I've always been lying to myself about my own mental health and it's time to realise that I've never recovered from the condition, just better at hiding it from other people and myself.

If you follow news in Australia there's been a recent lock down in Sydney due to the delta variant and it was originally projected to end in September but last Saturday there was a protest and thousands of people gathered in CBD and it's going to prolong the lock down for god knows how long, especially given how contagious delta is. I'm already in an episode and this just makes it so much worse. I had some plans for what I wanted to do once I'm fully vaccinated and all the restrictions are over but all of that is put on hold. I even risked getting the blood clot to get the AZ vaccine hoping that it would make the recovery sooner (maybe I was also secretly hoping to die from the side effects) but it just seems like whatever we do the pandemic is never going to end. It's not like I'm doing anything different before the pandemic, I'm still at home most of the time and rarely go out but somehow the lock down makes it so much worse.

Long story short, I'm going to try and find a psychoanalyst in my area once all of this is over. I hate zoom so it'll have to be in person sessions.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

 

[Luchs]

I've been dealing with depression/anxiety/whatever since at least 2011. I thought I recovered but the past few years have clearly shown me that I still have lots of issues to deal with. It's kind of a miracle that I managed to finish a degree and then work full time jobs in these couple years under these circumstances. But I just realised that I've always been lying to myself about my own mental health and it's time to realise that I've never recovered from the condition, just better at hiding it from other people and myself.

If you follow news in Australia there's been a recent lock down in Sydney due to the delta variant and it was originally projected to end in September but last Saturday there was a protest and thousands of people gathered in CBD and it's going to prolong the lock down for god knows how long, especially given how contagious delta is. I'm already in an episode and this just makes it so much worse. I had some plans for what I wanted to do once I'm fully vaccinated and all the restrictions are over but all of that is put on hold. I even risked getting the blood clot to get the AZ vaccine hoping that it would make the recovery sooner (maybe I was also secretly hoping to die from the side effects) but it just seems like whatever we do the pandemic is never going to end. It's not like I'm doing anything different before the pandemic, I'm still at home most of the time and rarely go out but somehow the lock down makes it so much worse.

Long story short, I'm going to try and find a psychoanalyst in my area once all of this is over. I hate zoom so it'll have to be in person sessions.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

This will never end. The virus mutates to quickly for the entire population to be vaccinated before another variant appears. The goal of vaccination is to get herd immunity, but the Swedes tried that by just letting everyone get infected and hoping it would create herd immunity, but it didn't work. Corona is like the new flu, we'll never get rid of it. Best thing to do ia that we stock up our intensive care units and just open back up, because these lockdowns and vaccines are completely pointless anyways.

 

[timf]

By finishing your degree and working full time jobs, it sounds like you have accomplished a lot. The ability to "mask" (appear more functional than you feel) can be a critical one to function in the midst of those less understanding.

In the US 120 years ago newspapers made a fortune whipping people into a frenzy to go to war with Spain. Today those that control news seem to be just as flexible about truth and may have their own interests ahead of ours. It might not be a bad idea to retain some skepticism regarding what we are told.

There have been real epidemics (small pox, cholera, and plague) in the past with high death rates (30, 50, and 66 percent). Covid has 0.2% and that number may be inflated as hospitals are financially rewarded for having a Covid death over an Influenza death.

I have always been suspicious of those that promote a frenzy of fear. All we can do is wait it out and if we are given the opportunity to vote, we should consider voting for the less hysterical candidate in the hope we can get some of our freedom back.

 

[whywere]

I 1st off send you lots of huge hugs and smiles, as covid is here to stay in this world. I too dislike Zoom and all that stuff, as I like to see the person in real not on a darn screen. I live in the upper Midwest in the USA and the delta covid is sending people to the hospital, that were NOT vaccinated, and the death rate has really jumped.

My wish for you is that you can find a doc who will see you in person and help with your recovery, as I have been working on my recovery for a long time.

I send you all my best and best wishes and hopes that you can continue on the road of recovery and find a great person to help you.

Sending you lots of love and kindness and the knowledge that you are part of everyone here.
Walter

 

[the_phoenix_project]

By finishing your degree and working full time jobs, it sounds like you have accomplished a lot. The ability to "mask" (appear more functional than you feel) can be a critical one to function in the midst of those less understanding.

In the US 120 years ago newspapers made a fortune whipping people into a frenzy to go to war with Spain. Today those that control news seem to be just as flexible about truth and may have their own interests ahead of ours. It might not be a bad idea to retain some skepticism regarding what we are told.

There have been real epidemics (small pox, cholera, and plague) in the past with high death rates (30, 50, and 66 percent). Covid has 0.2% and that number may be inflated as hospitals are financially rewarded for having a Covid death over an Influenza death.

I have always been suspicious of those that promote a frenzy of fear. All we can do is wait it out and if we are given the opportunity to vote, we should consider voting for the less hysterical candidate in the hope we can get some of our freedom back.

Yeah, I get the whole skepticism thing, but rules are rules and if I get caught breaking them there will be pretty heavy fines and there's a social stigma attached. I'm not really against lock down but having gone through it last year and having spent almost a year not being in lock down (things were okay in Sydney back in July last year and up until delta hit everything seems to be going back to normal), it really feels like it's never going to end, especially with how slow the vaccine roll out has been.

I suppose "objectively" I did accomplish a lot, but I still feel like I'm good for nothing and that I'm a fake and don't deserve anything good that's happened to me.

I 1st off send you lots of huge hugs and smiles, as covid is here to stay in this world. I too dislike Zoom and all that stuff, as I like to see the person in real not on a darn screen. I live in the upper Midwest in the USA and the delta covid is sending people to the hospital, that were NOT vaccinated, and the death rate has really jumped.

My wish for you is that you can find a doc who will see you in person and help with your recovery, as I have been working on my recovery for a long time.

I send you all my best and best wishes and hopes that you can continue on the road of recovery and find a great person to help you.

Sending you lots of love and kindness and the knowledge that you are part of everyone here.
Walter

Thanks for your kind words.

This will never end. The virus mutates to quickly for the entire population to be vaccinated before another variant appears. The goal of vaccination is to get herd immunity, but the Swedes tried that by just letting everyone get infected and hoping it would create herd immunity, but it didn't work. Corona is like the new flu, we'll never get rid of it. Best thing to do ia that we stock up our intensive care units and just open back up, because these lockdowns and vaccines are completely pointless anyways.

COVID is a lot more serious than the flu and we don't know the long term effects it may have on people, so I understand the whole lockdown thing. It still sucks though.

Also, I think vaccines do work to prevent COVID and even if you do get it it's less serious. I've had the first jab already and I definitely feel safer.