Venting I view myself as an object

[milkteacrown]

I do SW. My life is built around trauma from a young age. One of the most difficult things about recovery for me, outside of not feeling deep emotions, is that I just see myself as an object to be consumed. I don't know how to live in ways that don't traumatize me, and I don't know how to connect with others because most people have not gone through what I've gone.

Maybe it would be easier to make friends and feel emotionally connected to them if there was a person I could deeply relate to.

 

[Ilovetoomuch]

Aww.. I am really sorry ur going through this :( I have to say that u have to start loving urself. If SW brings u emptyness and makes u feel like an object it's probably better to take care of urself and the perfect time to stop doing it and finding something y'all love to live for :)




I'm also struggling with not finding a genuine connection for about 2 years now I can't seem to find someone I can deeply relate to. And I've been lacking an Athuenthic connection with someone..I can't seem to find someone who is real.I've also gone through a lot of trauma from my very childhood and have a lot to get off my chest. But nobody seems to love me as deeply I love them. But still I think the best the best thing we can do is to keep going and maybe one day we end up finding that person.

Just find something that u can live for again like even if it's a little passion of urs lol. I'm starting my journey on content creation and I hope I find something to live for again.

I'm new to this site so idk if can pm u so here's my email if u wanna make friends :)
[email protected]

And heres a cool and calming 45 second clip from one of my favorite yts :



Sending hugs... Ur not an object ur deserving of love ❤. And hopefully this helps lol

 

[foggyskies_]

That's a terrible situation to be in, I'm so sorry. Sexual trauma is a terrible beast because it leaves you feeling far too old too early, while also feeling stuck too young in a scary adult world. I haven't been hurt that way in years but I still find myself going into "I am an object for others" mode in my romantic relationships. I can't imagine what it must be like for you, who needs to rely on it for money.

If you'd like, I recommend you play the game "He F*cked The Girl Out Of Me" by Taylor McCue. It's extremely heavy, so make sure you're in the right headspace, but I think you might find a lot of solidarity in it. It speaks on the intersection between trauma, SW, poverty, loneliness, and gender from the perspective of a transgender former SW. It gave me a lot of comfort when I first played it. It takes about 30 minutes, but be sure to take breaks if it gets triggering. There's a lot in there to get triggered by.

As for friends, online connections can run much deeper than real life ones it seems. Real life social interaction is still vital, please go out when possible if you're able, but hopefully you can find someone who understands in places like this. Everyone needs friends, and you especially deserve them.

I hope you find some sense of normalcy in life, whatever that might look like for you. Hang in there, Milk ♡

 

[SickNSad2024]

I relate. I feel like an object bc my parents treated me like one. They had the belief that babies' brains aren't developed enough to form memories and have feelings and emotions. When they went to work, they would put me in an empty room and lock the door. But I have memories of being in the room all day until they come home, they bring me out of the room long enough to feed me, and after that it's back in the room. And I used to wonder how come other people can go outside of the room and have freedom to move around and not me. I think because of having been locked in the room for the first 3 years of my life, I don't know how to interact with people. I'm awkward and make people uncomfortable, not intentionally. I don't say anything inappropriate but people are freaked out that I don't say anything, which I don't understand why they are uncomfortable with or why that would come off as rude.

Even though I am no longer locked in the room, I feel like I'm being treated differently still, like being told I can't do certain things and being passed over for opportunities. Like there are opportunities to travel at work and I told my boss I was interested and she ended up letting this other guy go to Hawaii and Vegas. And she told me next time she will let me...but she made me go to the places no one else wanted to go like Lemoore. And one time me and this other person signed up for a training in Norfolk but they let her have the rental car and cancelled my reservations. They told me, I would just have to carpool with her. Well she never came to get me for the training. I ended up basically having to hitchhike to get to class. It makes me wonder what do other people have that I don't have where I'm constantly getting the shorter end of the stick and being ignored.

I haven't come across anyone with the same experience as me though. But I am open to talking to anyone else about their trauma and attempt to connect.

 

[theshund]

You all might find this thread useful:

CPTSD safe thread

I wanted to start a thread about complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) which is also referred to as childhood post traumatic stress disorder. Feel free to discuss, vent and reflect but please no judgement or condemnation. I will come back to this thread regularly to give advice and...

sanctioned-suicide.net