coolgal82
she/her, terminally silly :3
- Sep 10, 2024
- 469
I hate thinking and feeling. i hate how every thought and feeling i have its almost like theres another layer in my brain that then "analyses" those thoughts/feelings and goes "why are these here? is this that? is that this? are these thoughts/feelings even real or are you tricking yourself into having them like a self fulfilling prophecy or just for attention?" then the layers basically continue up in an infinite like loop where it analyses the analysis and questions of thats even real or if im just doing that to try and validate myself and if anything i think/feel is real i dont know if any of my feelings are real i dont inow who i am i hate it
every time i think i've figured it out it lasts for like 2 hours before im either like "no that's wrong" or i start doubting it to some degree and i just cant stop doubting it i fucking hate it im constantly just trapped in my own mind and it wont fucking shut up (probably atleast partially related to adhd tbh but i can only figure out exactly how much of my issues are related to that if they'll give me fucking meds they need to hurry up i cant take this anymore) i feel like im going insane my thoughts are too much my feelings are too much they're basically paralysing if i feel something it just consumes me and i cant do or focus on anything else other than it until my brain decides to stop feeling like it (or i like cut myself or have some alcohol or anything to atleast make it not as bad)
im so tired of it all every day is just hell trapped within my own mind and the only relief really is when im with my besties i wish i could be with them 24/7 maybe then i could live but rn i dont feel like i'll ever be able to escape this
I dont even know if any of this is real and how i really think/feel i just flip flop on it so much i fucking hate it
like even the besties thing one second im like "yes im only happy with them i hate being without them" the next second im like "hmm okcbut what if its not just them but people in general yeah that could be it" then its back to "no its just them" then its "ok but is it just them?" then its "no its just them im certain i love them sm theyre the best" then its "ok but is it jus them? theyre cool i guess but idk" i wanna tear my brain out and slam dunk it into the trash
every time i think i've figured it out it lasts for like 2 hours before im either like "no that's wrong" or i start doubting it to some degree and i just cant stop doubting it i fucking hate it im constantly just trapped in my own mind and it wont fucking shut up (probably atleast partially related to adhd tbh but i can only figure out exactly how much of my issues are related to that if they'll give me fucking meds they need to hurry up i cant take this anymore) i feel like im going insane my thoughts are too much my feelings are too much they're basically paralysing if i feel something it just consumes me and i cant do or focus on anything else other than it until my brain decides to stop feeling like it (or i like cut myself or have some alcohol or anything to atleast make it not as bad)
im so tired of it all every day is just hell trapped within my own mind and the only relief really is when im with my besties i wish i could be with them 24/7 maybe then i could live but rn i dont feel like i'll ever be able to escape this
I dont even know if any of this is real and how i really think/feel i just flip flop on it so much i fucking hate it
like even the besties thing one second im like "yes im only happy with them i hate being without them" the next second im like "hmm okcbut what if its not just them but people in general yeah that could be it" then its back to "no its just them" then its "ok but is it just them?" then its "no its just them im certain i love them sm theyre the best" then its "ok but is it jus them? theyre cool i guess but idk" i wanna tear my brain out and slam dunk it into the trash
