Venting I want to be a small girl

[DevonBostick'sAss]

I want to be a small girl. Im not that tall but Im around 170cm and fat. The only thing that can be called attractive about me is my boobs. RN Im in my house with my 2 friends one of em is a girl. And she is so pretty,so good looking so petite, She is 160 cm and she is so skinny and everything looks cool and pretty on her.

While I sit here feeling like a lump in comparison. She's wearing this simple little dress, and it looks like it was made for her flowing in all the right places, hugging all the right curves. If I tried to wear that, I'd look like a stuffed sausage. I can't help but wonder what it's like to just exist without feeling like you take up too much space, to not have to think about what people are whispering about when they glance your way.

I glance down at my own outfit baggy sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, my go-to armor against the world. It's not that I don't try. God knows I've tried. But every time I attempt to wear something "nice," it either doesn't fit right or makes me feel like I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. And then there's her. She doesn't even realize how easy it is for her, how effortless. She can eat an entire pizza and still look like she stepped out of a magazine. Meanwhile, I think about a slice of pizza, and my jeans start to feel tight.

It's not that I don't love her I do. She's my best friends friend we are old class mates. But sitting here next to her, I can't help but feel this simmering mixture of admiration and jealousy. I wish I could just borrow a piece of her confidence, her beauty, her ease, just for a day. But instead, I sit here writing in this forum.

I really wanna cut myself right now. I wanna cut my body. Im gonna stop eating after my exams are over. I wanna be pretty. I wish I was petite like her.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I deeply relate to this being born in the wrong race and having an hourglass figure (I still look so fat and hate being called thick) and just wished the human body wasn't like this all lol so I wish I could just be slightly taller too :<

 

[EvisceratedJester]

While you might be on the taller side, 170cm isn't that tall overall. You still fall within the typical height distribution for women.

Spoiler

Women were smaller on average, with a mean height of 164.7 cm, and a standard deviation of 7.07 cm. This means 68% of women were between 157.6 and 171.8 cm
; and 95% between 150.6 and 178.84 cm.

Human Height

The average height of a population can inform us about the nutrition and living conditions of populations in the past for which we have little other data.

ourworldindata.org

For example, the global average human female height is ~162 cm with ~6 cm per standard deviation. This means that most females are between 153 cm and 171 cm tall, and this range is considered statistically ​

typical​

. Only 20% are shorter or higher than that range and considered statistically ​

atypical​

.​

Unraveling Neurodiversity: Insights from Neuroscientific Perspectives

Neurodiversity is a concept and a social movement that addresses and normalizes human neurocognitive heterogeneity to promote acceptance and inclusion of neuro-minorities (e.g., learning disabilities, attention disorders, psychiatric disorders, and more) in contemporary society. Neurodiversity...

www.mdpi.com

Most people, at least in many Western countries, aren't going to see you as being unattractive because you are 5'7. I'm around the same height as you and most people don't see it as out of the ordinary. The only time I've gotten my height commented on as an adult was while out of the country, and even then none of them were meant as a negative. Even when I was younger, most comments about my height were either neutral or positive.

In regards to your weight, ideas of attractiveness surrounding weight also tend to differ depending on time period and culture. You being fat doesn't inherently make you unattractive because beauty ideals are largely based on social conformity surrounding what is or isn't attractive and that tends to change a lot. You view fatness as being ugly because wider society taught you to, not because there is anything inherently wrong with it. Clothing may fit your friend better but is it simply because your friend is petite or is it because clothing made for plus-sized individuals tends to be more lazily made and more ill-fitting? If you look up plus-size clothing and go through images of it, you'll find a lot of plus-sized people wearing nice outfits that look amazing on them. Part of why is because they are wearing clothing that is either fitted or specifically made for their body type. Funnily enough, a lot of non-plus-sized women describe having similar issues to yours when it comes to clothing because of the fact that most brands aren't body-inclusive.

Maybe you could try getting your nice clothing fitted or you try learning how to sew in order to better cater your clothing to your body type.

In regards to people whispering about you, I'd say just ignore them. People are rude and judgemental towards anyone who they perceive as not fitting into societal norms. Even if you were skinny and petite they would still find something else to judge you for. Working towards societal validation is a losing battle. I understand that it's easier said than done, but it's generally much more fulfilling compared to the alternative.

 

[divinemistress36]

A lot men like thicker women but I can understand not feeling comfortable in your body . I dont like being overweight

 

[ClippedWings]

too bad I guess, time to want something else

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

too bad I guess, time to want something else

You do not have to mock people if you dont have an informative opinion yk.
Im not offended after seeing your other comments but it can effect other people so i encourage you to stop doing it
Kisses

 

[SNastablesalt]

I want to be a small girl. Im not that tall but Im around 170cm and fat. The only thing that can be called attractive about me is my boobs. RN Im in my house with my 2 friends one of em is a girl. And she is so pretty,so good looking so petite, She is 160 cm and she is so skinny and everything looks cool and pretty on her.

While I sit here feeling like a lump in comparison. She's wearing this simple little dress, and it looks like it was made for her flowing in all the right places, hugging all the right curves. If I tried to wear that, I'd look like a stuffed sausage. I can't help but wonder what it's like to just exist without feeling like you take up too much space, to not have to think about what people are whispering about when they glance your way.

I glance down at my own outfit baggy sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, my go-to armor against the world. It's not that I don't try. God knows I've tried. But every time I attempt to wear something "nice," it either doesn't fit right or makes me feel like I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. And then there's her. She doesn't even realize how easy it is for her, how effortless. She can eat an entire pizza and still look like she stepped out of a magazine. Meanwhile, I think about a slice of pizza, and my jeans start to feel tight.

It's not that I don't love her I do. She's my best friends friend we are old class mates. But sitting here next to her, I can't help but feel this simmering mixture of admiration and jealousy. I wish I could just borrow a piece of her confidence, her beauty, her ease, just for a day. But instead, I sit here writing in this forum.

I really wanna cut myself right now. I wanna cut my body. Im gonna stop eating after my exams are over. I wanna be pretty. I wish I was petite like her.

most relatable thing ive ever read also i love ur username lmao devon is my fav

 

[Luminous_]

too bad I guess, time to want something else

Being a dickhead because you will never achieve anything you wanted is a bit silly, why not just stfu and sit down? Maybe? Pretty please? *blinks my pretty eyeballs at you*

I want to be a small girl. Im not that tall but Im around 170cm and fat. The only thing that can be called attractive about me is my boobs. RN Im in my house with my 2 friends one of em is a girl. And she is so pretty,so good looking so petite, She is 160 cm and she is so skinny and everything looks cool and pretty on her.

While I sit here feeling like a lump in comparison. She's wearing this simple little dress, and it looks like it was made for her flowing in all the right places, hugging all the right curves. If I tried to wear that, I'd look like a stuffed sausage. I can't help but wonder what it's like to just exist without feeling like you take up too much space, to not have to think about what people are whispering about when they glance your way.

I glance down at my own outfit baggy sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, my go-to armor against the world. It's not that I don't try. God knows I've tried. But every time I attempt to wear something "nice," it either doesn't fit right or makes me feel like I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. And then there's her. She doesn't even realize how easy it is for her, how effortless. She can eat an entire pizza and still look like she stepped out of a magazine. Meanwhile, I think about a slice of pizza, and my jeans start to feel tight.

It's not that I don't love her I do. She's my best friends friend we are old class mates. But sitting here next to her, I can't help but feel this simmering mixture of admiration and jealousy. I wish I could just borrow a piece of her confidence, her beauty, her ease, just for a day. But instead, I sit here writing in this forum.

I really wanna cut myself right now. I wanna cut my body. Im gonna stop eating after my exams are over. I wanna be pretty. I wish I was petite like her.

If it isn't invasive would you be comfy estimating your weight? I'm a bi woman who's fluctuated from overweight to underweight to finally now, muscular, I always see cute chubbed ladies putting themselves down because they aren't thin- but the worst part is that their minds wildly distort the view on their body to the point where they think they look so much larger and misshapen than they really look, it's so heartbreaking to think so many women and men out there hate their body because they are larger, but being fat doesn't even mean unnattractive!! Especially if you can find brands and styles that flatter your shape rather than trying to force yourself into clothes that simply weren't made for you; because you shouldn't bend to the world, you deserve to be accommodated for as you are.

Of course if you want to lose weight that's also totally your choice, but it should be YOUR CHOICE. Not a choice you feel you must go through in order to be validated by others. You will not be happy just because you are thin, you don't have to hate how you look just because you are fat. You just need to let go of expectations unfairly made and placed upon you and live how you feel is best. Live how you want to, do what you want to.

I wish you luck my love, in feeling better about who you are~ if you want advice on ways to style yourself as a larger person I can try my hardest to help you or provide you sources to learn yourself !!

Ps: you're an inch taller than me and I'm incredibly jealous, if I could be model heights I would (and even taller)

 

[ClippedWings]

You do not have to mock people if you dont have an informative opinion yk.
Im not offended after seeing your other comments but it can effect other people so i encourage you to stop doing it
Kisses

I'm just skipping to the end of the dialogue tree, it all boils down to hope, cope, or rope. My response is really all there ever is. You can paint it a million colors.

 

[drug]

too bad I guess, time to want something else

be kind please

 

[AuroraB]

My experience with dieting has always been the faster I lose it, the faster I gain it back. Please be careful if you plan to diet. Go slow. Be patient. Good luck.

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

Being a dickhead because you will never achieve anything you wanted is a bit silly, why not just stfu and sit down? Maybe? Pretty please? *blinks my pretty eyeballs at you*

If it isn't invasive would you be comfy estimating your weight? I'm a bi woman who's fluctuated from overweight to underweight to finally now, muscular, I always see cute chubbed ladies putting themselves down because they aren't thin- but the worst part is that their minds wildly distort the view on their body to the point where they think they look so much larger and misshapen than they really look, it's so heartbreaking to think so many women and men out there hate their body because they are larger, but being fat doesn't even mean unnattractive!! Especially if you can find brands and styles that flatter your shape rather than trying to force yourself into clothes that simply weren't made for you; because you shouldn't bend to the world, you deserve to be accommodated for as you are.

Of course if you want to lose weight that's also totally your choice, but it should be YOUR CHOICE. Not a choice you feel you must go through in order to be validated by others. You will not be happy just because you are thin, you don't have to hate how you look just because you are fat. You just need to let go of expectations unfairly made and placed upon you and live how you feel is best. Live how you want to, do what you want to.

I wish you luck my love, in feeling better about who you are~ if you want advice on ways to style yourself as a larger person I can try my hardest to help you or provide you sources to learn yourself !!

Ps: you're an inch taller than me and I'm incredibly jealous, if I could be model heights I would (and even taller)

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this it really means a lot to me. You're absolutely right about how distorted body image can become and how easy it is to get caught up in those unfair comparisons. It's something I've been struggling with for a long time, and reading your words feels like a breath of fresh air.
I really appreciate your offer to help with styling tips or resources.
I think that's an area where I could use some guidance because I've always felt out of place when it comes to fashion. It'd be nice to find styles that make me feel confident instead of trying to squeeze into trends that don't suit me.
And thank you for reminding me that the journey is mine to decide. I'm going to work on focusing less on what others think and more on what makes me feel good. Your words have truly given me something to think about, and I'm so grateful for your kindness and support.