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lost_one

lost_one

Once
Nov 3, 2024
147
I have posted similar things before, so forgive me for walking in circles. But I do, I want to be happy alone, I want to be satisfied with who I am, I want to like myself, to enjoy my own company, to have my own little quiet place in the world. To be whole by myself.

Let people just be a fun little addition to that...

That is literally all that I know right now. I just don't know how to do that, how to feel motivated to care about myself. To care about anything really.
 
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NearlyIrrelevantCake

NearlyIrrelevantCake

The Cake Is A Lie
Aug 12, 2021
1,951
I wouldn't say I like myself. I only socialize IRL a few times a year with one person that I've known for 20 years. I've never liked people, even in kindergarten I hated other people. I ignore people in public trying to chat with me, I just straight up pretend they don't exist [but if someone asks for help or is in an emergency, I respond right away]. I'm aromantic and single for the last ~17 years.

I'm alone and I don't mind it. I've never felt lonely despite being alone.
 
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UtopianSoliloquies

UtopianSoliloquies

Act 3 Scene 1
Jan 21, 2023
83
I'm not an expert obviously and I could be wrong, but counterintuitively I think that getting out there and hopefully meeting people that you can be friends with can actually make you happy on your own. Things like self esteem and self efficacy are learned. You don't necessarily have to learn them from other people, but that can be a lot easier than getting it from some solitary philosophical meditation.

I used to be incredibly lonely and it was probably the main thing driving me to CTB, and it was having friends who saw the best in me that helped me get out of that mental state and made me healthy enough emotionally to eventually find my girlfriend who I've been with for a few days short of a year now. That combination of having people who were there for me at my worst and subsequently meeting someone who loved me more than I could initially understand drastically changed how I viewed myself. I would say that today, I generally like myself. I'm grateful to my past, miserable self and see him as someone who made the right decisions when they counted to eventually get me out of that hellhole, even if it was very painful in the moment.

Ironically, because I now have some people around me that I deeply care about, I'm happy on my own. The time I spend around others recontextualizes my alone time as an opportunity to unwind and do the things that are best done alone (i.e. personal projects and learning random things). Just as bullying and abuse often makes people internalise the destructive perceptions directed at them, having meaningful connections can help you like yourself and internalise that you're someone that is nice to be alone with.
 
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lost_one

lost_one

Once
Nov 3, 2024
147
I'm not an expert obviously and I could be wrong, but counterintuitively I think that getting out there and hopefully meeting people that you can be friends with can actually make you happy on your own. Things like self esteem and self efficacy are learned. You don't necessarily have to learn them from other people, but that can be a lot easier than getting it from some solitary philosophical meditation.

I used to be incredibly lonely and it was probably the main thing driving me to CTB, and it was having friends who saw the best in me that helped me get out of that mental state and made me healthy enough emotionally to eventually find my girlfriend who I've been with for a few days short of a year now. That combination of having people who were there for me at my worst and subsequently meeting someone who loved me more than I could initially understand drastically changed how I viewed myself. I would say that today, I generally like myself. I'm grateful to my past, miserable self and see him as someone who made the right decisions when they counted to eventually get me out of that hellhole, even if it was very painful in the moment.

Ironically, because I now have some people around me that I deeply care about, I'm happy on my own. The time I spend around others recontextualizes my alone time as an opportunity to unwind and do the things that are best done alone (i.e. personal projects and learning random things). Just as bullying and abuse often makes people internalise the destructive perceptions directed at them, having meaningful connections can help you like yourself and internalise that you're someone that is nice to be alone with.
Yes, but I don't think I can do that. I never had friends, I don't know if I even will, so I don't want to wait around for that to happen so that I can try and be happy.
 
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Reactions: UtopianSoliloquies

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