Venting i want to be remembered for me

[social amoeba]

im losing me. i want to be remembered for how i was before i got this bad. the longer i wait to ctb the less of myself i become and i can see it draining the people i want to love me and they're beginning to forget the old me they liked originally. im well known for what i can only describe as 'manic pixie dream girl' vibes and i feel like im losing it and getting more boring and its corrupting their memories of me for when im dead. i dont know whether its because i want to manipulate people in to missing me more when im gone or what. its not like it even matters because ill be dead. just when im dead i want them to think back on me and remember me as something special, rather than how i am now. does this even make sense

 

[yowai]

It's the depression turning you into a shell of your former self, it's normal you want people to remember the best parts, terminally ill people on their death beds don't want to be remembered the way they are at the end either. Actually I think that's how those who get cancer and refuse chemotherapy justify their decision