I want to kill myself so badly, have a 9mm

[cicada6865]

Failed a suicide attempt in 2019 and I've still been miserable. People keep telling me life gets better but it never does. I can't fucking wait to kill myself but I always get so paranoid that I'll miss the brainstem and that I'll have a super painful death or that I won't actually die and paramedics will come and I'll just be a vegetable unable to kill myself ever again.

I have 9mm hollow points with my pistol. I have an MRI showing exactly where the medulla/pons/thalamus are in my skull. I've replanned this so many times, but my paranoid ass gets so fucking paranoid about recoil or involuntary last millisecond jerks that I don't even know where to shoot, at what angle, etc. I could just get a 12 gauge pretty easily but I've heard that with long barrels your neck extension can just make you blow your face off instead of hitting the brainstem.

I'm sure I want to die, I just wish I knew how, where to aim, how to angle, whether to use FMJ or HP, what caliber, fuck.... I hate my life so much I've literally devolved into insanity.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

I can agree with this so much. It only gets worse out here.

 

[cicada6865]

I can agree with this so much. It only gets worse out here.

Things keep deteriorating with my BPD, even with meds. Been like this for years. Really really want to CTB but I'm so scared of pain. Gave my vicodin to a former close friend early this year to prevent me from CTB as vicodin literally completely takes pain away and that's the only thing blocking me from killing myself and I regret doing that so much. I crave death. I have like 105mg total of xanax too but I have a close friend who tried to kill himself by a xanax overdose and he ended up just puking it out

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

My question is how do people who ctb with guns prevent the bullets from going off track due to recoil or bouncing around the skull? If I weren't a coward I would only use a shotgun to the head to ctb. I couldn't risk living permanently disfigured and unable to physically ctb after.

 

[cicada6865]

My question is how do people who ctb with guns prevent the bullets from going off track due to recoil or bouncing around the skull? If I weren't a coward I would only use a shotgun to the head to ctb. I couldn't risk living permanently disfigured and unable to physically ctb after.

Usually recoil only kicks in once the bullet has already exited the barrel, but the involuntary jerking reaction from anticipating the recoil is enough to set it off course enough to vegetable-ize you if paramedics respond fast enough

 

[dontwakemeup]

There's a 50/50 chance it will work. I've seen people survive gunshots and survive and still be able to talk. You would be surprised what the body is capable of surviving.

 

[Lethargic8468]

Simply set up the weapon in a manner that does not allow for any significant amount of movement. This could be done by wedging the device into a small area, or using something like a clamp in order to affirm the device. One might go further to devise a mechanism that would similarly affirm the head into a particular location, so as to prevent any sort of reflexionary movements. Suicide by firearm is already 90-95% lethal, yet I somehow doubt that those who failed to complete the deed took such steps to ensure the attempt proceed successfully.

You might also consider standing on the edge of a very tall building or edge of a canyon when you perform the task. After shooting yourself in the head, even if your shot is non-lethal, the fall should be appropriate to complete the task.

 

[-Tandem-]

Wish I had a gun. I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope you find whatever it is that you need

 

[Chopper97]

I don't think it's that complicated, but you should workout the details and only execute in a clear state of mind.

 

[cicada6865]

You might also consider standing on the edge of a very tall building or edge of a canyon when you perform the task. After shooting yourself in the head, even if your shot is non-lethal, the fall should be appropriate to complete the task.

This is actually exactly what I was considering haha.

Also re: clamping the gun, im just paranoid about getting the angle wrong and whether to aim for behind the ear with an fmj or to the roof of the mouth with a hollow point. i dont want the hollow point to fragment against the thick skull near the ear region and not completely obliterating the brainstem within the ~100-300ms it takes to process pain

Wish I had a gun. I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope you find whatever it is that you need

I hope you find whatever it is you need as well. Right now what I need is to kill myself. I've been certain of it for months that it's what I need most. I fucking hate life

I don't think it's that complicated, but you should workout the details and only execute in a clear state of mind.

I've kind of worked out the details but I'm obsessing over how to angle it and I'm not aiming (no pun intended) for a slow lethality, but one that hits the medulla/pons and makes me lose consciousness within 100ms of the bullet making contact with my head. I want it to be painless

 

[blacksand]

I'm going to kill myself with my 9mm pistol and an fmj bullet and I will stand either on a seacliff edge or over a roaring bonfire.

Things keep deteriorating with my BPD, even with meds. Been like this for years. Really really want to CTB but I'm so scared of pain. Gave my vicodin to a former close friend early this year to prevent me from CTB as vicodin literally completely takes pain away and that's the only thing blocking me from killing myself and I regret doing that so much. I crave death. I have like 105mg total of xanax too but I have a close friend who tried to kill himself by a xanax overdose and he ended up just puking it out

Xanax overdose is best used for SI rather than suicide itself.

 

[cicada6865]

Xanax overdose is best used for SI rather than suicide itself.

That's what I suspected, which is why the thought never crossed my mind, but I'm wondering if I can use it in combination with anything, like taking aspirin and cutting an artery and xanax to pass out. I wonder if that will be less painful than a failed SIGSW
I think I'll buy a 12ga shotgun today

 

[J&L383]

Failed a suicide attempt in 2019 and I've still been miserable. People keep telling me life gets better but it never does. I can't fucking wait to kill myself but I always get so paranoid that I'll miss the brainstem and that I'll have a super painful death or that I won't actually die and paramedics will come and I'll just be a vegetable unable to kill myself ever again.

I have 9mm hollow points with my pistol. I have an MRI showing exactly where the medulla/pons/thalamus are in my skull. I've replanned this so many times, but my paranoid ass gets so fucking paranoid about recoil or involuntary last millisecond jerks that I don't even know where to shoot, at what angle, etc. I could just get a 12 gauge pretty easily but I've heard that with long barrels your neck extension can just make you blow your face off instead of hitting the brainstem.

I'm sure I want to die, I just wish I knew how, where to aim, how to angle, whether to use FMJ or HP, what caliber, fuck.... I hate my life so much I've literally devolved into insanity.

I'm sorry that this has come to you. You do have my sympathy. It's clear that you have given it the thought that it deserves. I agree the 12 gauge would be preferable over a 9 mm if the goal is to [at least as much as possible] guarantee a death. But a well-placed 9 mm hollow point should do the job. (I have two friends of friends that succeeded in this manner). For a shotgun, get the shortest barrel, which is 16 in, and just practice ahead of time (of course not ON yourself, you only get the one chance at that!) and take your time. If that is what your heart truly desires. Peace to you.

 

[waistcoat]

I'm going to kill myself with my 9mm pistol and an fmj bullet and I will stand either on a seacliff edge or over a roaring bonfire.

Xanax overdose is best used for SI rather than suicide itself.

bonfire sounds like a bad choice imo, chance you don't instantly die n all tht. burning to death doesnt sound fun x-x

 

[cicada6865]

I'm sorry that this has come to you. You do have my sympathy. It's clear that you have given it the thought that it deserves. I agree the 12 gauge would be preferable over a 9 mm if the goal is to [at least as much as possible] guarantee a death. But a well-placed 9 mm hollow point should do the job. (I have two friends of friends that succeeded in this manner). For a shotgun, get the shortest barrel, which is 16 in, and just practice ahead of time (of course not ON yourself, you only get the one chance at that!) and take your time. If that is what your heart truly desires. Peace to you.

Factually where would the ideal hollow point placement and angulation be? I've heard that if I'm daring enough to do a temple shot, I should press it against my skull to minimize movement and angle it down a bit and ever so slightly to the back so that it strikes the brainstem, but I don't khow what the angular margin of error is. I'm so paranoid about everything that I can't even bring myself to CTB lmao

 

[dontwakemeup]

When do you plan to execute this plan? I guess we all have our fantasies about how we want to go. Yours sound so painful. It's awful we don't have better options

 

[blacksand]

That's what I suspected, which is why the thought never crossed my mind, but I'm wondering if I can use it in combination with anything, like taking aspirin and cutting an artery and xanax to pass out. I wonder if that will be less painful than a failed SIGSW
I think I'll buy a 12ga shotgun today

I can't recommend any of those methods except the gun.

 

[cicada6865]

When do you plan to execute this plan? I guess we all have our fantasies about how we want to go. Yours sound so painful. It's awful we don't have better options

probably as soon as possible, I'm just hoping that I get it right and strike the medulla and that the shockwave damages the pons and surrounding structures all within 100ms and sever any possibility for me to feel pain. If done right, it's the quickest and surest way to CTB painlessly, other than a helium suicide (was planning on that too but I found out they now lace it with 20% air bc of helium shortage and suicide prevention... shame..

I can't recommend any of those methods except the gun.

Fair. I can either wait till tomorrow to get a 12ga 16in bullpup shotgun for compactness or just do it now with the pistol by my bedside. just dont know what exact angle i need for my desired result
i love everyone here by the way, i finally can talk openly about this. it makes me feel understood and valid

 

[J&L383]

Factually where would the ideal hollow point placement and angulation be? I've heard that if I'm daring enough to do a temple shot, I should press it against my skull to minimize movement and angle it down a bit and ever so slightly to the back so that it strikes the brainstem, but I don't khow what the angular margin of error is. I'm so paranoid about everything that I can't even bring myself to CTB lmao

To be honest, I haven't researched this. But I have studied anatomy (including dissection). I would think that you want to maximize soft tissue damage and especially blood vessel damage, so that you bleed out. A temple shot is probably likely to succeed but it seems more susceptible to not getting the angle just right. This is definitely something you want to take your time with and not act on a whim!

 

[isolatedl111]

Failed a suicide attempt in 2019 and I've still been miserable. People keep telling me life gets better but it never does. I can't fucking wait to kill myself but I always get so paranoid that I'll miss the brainstem and that I'll have a super painful death or that I won't actually die and paramedics will come and I'll just be a vegetable unable to kill myself ever again.

I have 9mm hollow points with my pistol. I have an MRI showing exactly where the medulla/pons/thalamus are in my skull. I've replanned this so many times, but my paranoid ass gets so fucking paranoid about recoil or involuntary last millisecond jerks that I don't even know where to shoot, at what angle, etc. I could just get a 12 gauge pretty easily but I've heard that with long barrels your neck extension can just make you blow your face off instead of hitting the brainstem.

I'm sure I want to die, I just wish I knew how, where to aim, how to angle, whether to use FMJ or HP, what caliber, fuck.... I hate my life so much I've literally devolved into insanity.

Just watch videos of suicides by gun, Make an idea for yourself, eitherway the more you're afraid of failing the more you have chances to actually fail.

Example: If your hands are shaking while holding the gun

 

[L'absent]

Very often people don't hit the brainstem, but it doesn't matter. The bleeding is enormous and the brain swells immediately. You have the method with the highest lethality at your disposal. I have friends who work in hospitals and have never had a patient alive after being shot in the mouth, or even with a nail gun or those used to kill pigs. However, if you want to increase safety, use the rifle and the head with the brainstem, hypothalamus, pituitary gland, cerebellum, thalamus and cortex will also blow up.


We have statistical death rates of over 95% with people who kill themselves impulsively, without any calculation and without even having an idea of what the brainstem is. People who are perfectly ignorant of anatomy and even teenagers are practically killed by shooting themselves in the head. Survivors with bullets trapped in the skull are so rare that they shouldn't even be considered. Many have even used blank bullets which if used in the mouth are not so harmless.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to be gone, permanently ceasing to exist is all I personally hope for, I'd also fear trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse suffering, I find it so horrifying how such could happen, all I wish for is to just die in peace in a guaranteed way and never exist ever again. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[cicada6865]

Very often people don't hit the brainstem, but it doesn't matter. The bleeding is enormous and the brain swells immediately. You have the method with the highest lethality at your disposal. I have friends who work in hospitals and have never had a patient alive after being shot in the mouth, or even with a nail gun or those used to kill pigs. However, if you want to increase safety, use the rifle and the head with the brainstem, hypothalamus, pituitary gland, cerebellum, thalamus and cortex will also blow up.


We have statistical death rates of over 95% with people who kill themselves impulsively, without any calculation and without even having an idea of what the brainstem is. People who are perfectly ignorant of anatomy and even teenagers are practically killed by shooting themselves in the head. Survivors with bullets trapped in the skull are so rare that they shouldn't even be considered. Many have even used blank bullets which if used in the mouth are not so harmless.

Yeah I know I'll likely die but if I miss the brainstem I'll probably feel excruciating pain worse than anything else I've felt before for a couple of seconds before succumbimg to ICP

Just watch videos of suicides by gun, Make an idea for yourself, eitherway the more you're afraid of failing the more you have chances to actually fail.

Example: If your hands are shaking while holding the gun

My hands dont shake, I've almost CTB a few weeks ago by putting my gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger a bit past the point where i felt resistance but then I chickened out last minute because I was scared of not doing it right. I practice at the range a lot so my hands are as steady as it gets, I just don't know what angle to use. I'll watch some videos

 

[cloudyskye]

People survive headshots a lot. Temple is a horrible idea. Long gun is better. Please do some research. Surviving a gunshot to the head is serious. You're looking at involuntary hospitalization possible blindness deafness paralysis etc...

 

[L'absent]

Yeah I know I'll likely die but if I miss the brainstem I'll probably feel excruciating pain worse than anything else I've felt before for a couple of seconds before succumbimg to ICP

My hands dont shake, I've almost CTB a few weeks ago by putting my gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger a bit past the point where i felt resistance but then I chickened out last minute because I was scared of not doing it right. I practice at the range a lot so my hands are as steady as it gets, I just don't know what angle to use. I'll watch some videos

The brain has no nerve endings and you cannot feel pain. To feel pain you would have to hit these colored areas, but I don't think you intend to shoot there.

 

[-Tandem-]

Just watch videos of suicides by gun, Make an idea for yourself, eitherway the more you're afraid of failing the more you have chances to actually fail.

Example: If your hands are shaking while holding the gun

what is your pfp...

 

[L'absent]

People survive headshots a lot. Temple is a horrible idea. Long gun is better. Please do some research. Surviving a gunshot to the head is serious. You're looking at involuntary hospitalization possible blindness deafness paralysis etc...

Are you saying that the percentage of survivors of a bullet to the head is very high? Where did you get this data?

 

[lifeisbutadream]

Failed a suicide attempt in 2019 and I've still been miserable. People keep telling me life gets better but it never does. I can't fucking wait to kill myself but I always get so paranoid that I'll miss the brainstem and that I'll have a super painful death or that I won't actually die and paramedics will come and I'll just be a vegetable unable to kill myself ever again.

I have 9mm hollow points with my pistol. I have an MRI showing exactly where the medulla/pons/thalamus are in my skull. I've replanned this so many times, but my paranoid ass gets so fucking paranoid about recoil or involuntary last millisecond jerks that I don't even know where to shoot, at what angle, etc. I could just get a 12 gauge pretty easily but I've heard that with long barrels your neck extension can just make you blow your face off instead of hitting the brainstem.

I'm sure I want to die, I just wish I knew how, where to aim, how to angle, whether to use FMJ or HP, what caliber, fuck.... I hate my life so much I've literally devolved into insanity.

Get that 12 gauge. It would be almost impossible to fail with it in the mouth. Read through the Firearm Megathread:

Guns/firearms megathread

Hello all, I'm thrw_a_way1221221, or you can call me TAW122 if that's easier for you. In this thread, here is all the information in regards to ctb'ing via a gun/firearm. Everyone who is suggesting or choosing to ctb via 'N' and 'A' and 'H', that's cool. However, this thread is about GUNS (Not...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[cloudyskye]

Are you saying that the percentage of survivors of a bullet to the head is very high? Where did you get this data?

Ummm.... no one said the chances were high. however it happens more often than you think. Especially in countries with good hospitals and medical care if you're found immediately. It's not like the movies or TV.

 

[cicada6865]

The brain has no nerve endings and you cannot feel pain. To feel pain you would have to hit these colored areas, but I don't think you intend to shoot there.

I believe that to get to the brain you have to get through the skull, and shooting through thick skull bone will indeed be super painful.

Get that 12 gauge. It would be almost impossible to fail with it in the mouth. Read through the Firearm Megathread:

Guns/firearms megathread

Hello all, I'm thrw_a_way1221221, or you can call me TAW122 if that's easier for you. In this thread, here is all the information in regards to ctb'ing via a gun/firearm. Everyone who is suggesting or choosing to ctb via 'N' and 'A' and 'H', that's cool. However, this thread is about GUNS (Not...

sanctioned-suicide.net

thanks, ill get one as soon as i have the money