EternalShore
Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
- Jun 9, 2023
- 1,038
Posting this in recovery not because it isn't a sewer-slidal-as-heck rant but because I really do want to live... but well~ :(
Life is just more pain than it's worth~ Humans aren't ofc, but a purely logical approach to life would be if there is more sorrow than joy, than one should just end it~ and past one's years as a child, I'd doubt that there's anyone who'd actually say there is~ ofc, we're told to live for the joy in the 90% sorrow which once you think about it, doesn't even make sense at all! >_< if my death will give me 100% joy in Heaven, then what's the point of settling for 10%? xD
no one really cares about your value as a person~ They'll talk all about the "sanctity" of life and stuff, but if they're only offering free internships and work cleaning toilets for $2 an hour~ rofl~
ofc, I don't really care at all about either of what I just said~ More of just using that as complaints that my life is entirely horrible and why no one even wants to talk to me, much less befriend me~ :( I'm a walking doormat (according to my parents), and you still don't want to!? What the heck! I do all the work on school stuff and attempt to transform into a different person to fit your desires from me, and still, nope! :/
My life is like that one thread where if a person genuinely cared, my life would turn around, and I'd be happy~ :) and I do have that now, and I am happy when I'm with him~ :) the only issue is that well... This ingrained belief within me that because I was born a boy (despite me having no say in the matter!), I need to remain one because of God's wishes (despite not being stated in the Bible anywhere), marry and have kids with a girl~ problem is that, well, I know it'll just bring me misery, since I'm not masculine at all, have no desire to be, and it'd just involve pretending for the rest of my life~
God is supposed to provide for me, but if I serve and believe in Him in spite of that, and He still doesn't lift a finger, it's awful~ :( in fact, the only thing He really gives me is my bf (and the fact my parents are being forced to comply with me being a girl sometimes), but at the same time, I have this ingrained belief that those are all wrong and sinful, and I should just let it all go~ despite the fact that they're the only things which give me fragments of happiness anyways! >_< aaaaaaaa
Life is just more pain than it's worth~ Humans aren't ofc, but a purely logical approach to life would be if there is more sorrow than joy, than one should just end it~ and past one's years as a child, I'd doubt that there's anyone who'd actually say there is~ ofc, we're told to live for the joy in the 90% sorrow which once you think about it, doesn't even make sense at all! >_< if my death will give me 100% joy in Heaven, then what's the point of settling for 10%? xD
no one really cares about your value as a person~ They'll talk all about the "sanctity" of life and stuff, but if they're only offering free internships and work cleaning toilets for $2 an hour~ rofl~
ofc, I don't really care at all about either of what I just said~ More of just using that as complaints that my life is entirely horrible and why no one even wants to talk to me, much less befriend me~ :( I'm a walking doormat (according to my parents), and you still don't want to!? What the heck! I do all the work on school stuff and attempt to transform into a different person to fit your desires from me, and still, nope! :/
My life is like that one thread where if a person genuinely cared, my life would turn around, and I'd be happy~ :) and I do have that now, and I am happy when I'm with him~ :) the only issue is that well... This ingrained belief within me that because I was born a boy (despite me having no say in the matter!), I need to remain one because of God's wishes (despite not being stated in the Bible anywhere), marry and have kids with a girl~ problem is that, well, I know it'll just bring me misery, since I'm not masculine at all, have no desire to be, and it'd just involve pretending for the rest of my life~
God is supposed to provide for me, but if I serve and believe in Him in spite of that, and He still doesn't lift a finger, it's awful~ :( in fact, the only thing He really gives me is my bf (and the fact my parents are being forced to comply with me being a girl sometimes), but at the same time, I have this ingrained belief that those are all wrong and sinful, and I should just let it all go~ despite the fact that they're the only things which give me fragments of happiness anyways! >_< aaaaaaaa
