murderousvixen
Member
- Jan 7, 2025
- 9
i posted a couple days ago about my relapse and how miserable i was (hadn't properly taken my meds in 3 weeks) and now i have been forced to start taking them again and all that pain feels sort of muffled now? i know that's just how it works, ive been on meds for years, but this time i really hate it!!
i love people sort of being forced to treat me special because they're worried if they don't i'll do something rash. i love how in control i am when im willing to put a blade to skin. i love it all!!!! i find so much comfort in being miserable because it's what i've known most of my life. this artificial contentment is really strange and feels alien. i feel like all my suffering was pointless i im able to pop a couple pills and be back to "normal" in a couple days. like it feels really invalidating?
i miss outpatient i miss the ER i miss having to bandage my wounds every night just to go to school in short sleeves so everyone can see my bandages.
i don't know what i want to hear, i think i just feel so evil thinking this and need to get it out. i feel so invalid but i guess someone who craves being sick is sick in themselves so! yay suffering!!!!
anyways thanks for reading love you guys!
i love people sort of being forced to treat me special because they're worried if they don't i'll do something rash. i love how in control i am when im willing to put a blade to skin. i love it all!!!! i find so much comfort in being miserable because it's what i've known most of my life. this artificial contentment is really strange and feels alien. i feel like all my suffering was pointless i im able to pop a couple pills and be back to "normal" in a couple days. like it feels really invalidating?
i miss outpatient i miss the ER i miss having to bandage my wounds every night just to go to school in short sleeves so everyone can see my bandages.
i don't know what i want to hear, i think i just feel so evil thinking this and need to get it out. i feel so invalid but i guess someone who craves being sick is sick in themselves so! yay suffering!!!!
anyways thanks for reading love you guys!
