Venting I was predetermined and born as an addict

[KillingPain267]

I know I was. I remember as a child getting N2O at the dentist's (before they removed it) and how I loved and enjoyed the feeling and even requested more hits of this gas. I remember that I was amazed how a substance can make the world seem a little more bearable.

A few years later I remember enjoying the feeling of artificially drifting off from anesthesia before a surgery I had.

Nobody taught me to love mind-altering substances. It wasn't first until my life situation crashed hard that I started liking and experimenting with substances. As a teenager, my peers drank weekly only at parties, but I started drinking in my room alone.

But then I had a decade where I was a teetotaler for religious reasons, but being sober was bearable for a while, when I was seeking a spouse and when I got married.

So while I was married and life seemed to only move forward, my predetermined addictive personality was just suppressed like an air-filled beach ball kept under water in the pool. As soon as the hand lets go, the ball jumps above the surface with great force, and as soon as my spouse left me my addictive personality reared its disgusting ugly head.

But I can't blame it on life circumstances; I can't blame my ex, nor can I blame upbringing or anything else: Because I already had it in me from the very start.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying all addicts are born that way (I'm just saying I am), nor am I saying all addicts, or even myself, are hopelessly stuck in addictive tendencies for life.

 

[deadstillwalking]

I feel very sorry for you. My mom is a heavy drinker who drinks to suppress thoughts about problems. Her dad died a horrible death, slowly rotting away in a hospital, both mentally and physically. The worse it gets the more she drinks. She promised my dad not to drink to get drunk as a marriage promise, she also promised never to drink again when she got into a fight with my dad over it... yet she does it to this day. Addiction is a very hideous thing, disguising itself as a solution to problems only to create even more of them. Being born an individual who is prone to addictions is absolutely unfair. I hope that you can resist these struggles as much as possible. I wish you the best!

 

[cloudyskye]

I know I was. I remember as a child getting N2O at the dentist's (before they removed it) and how I loved and enjoyed the feeling and even requested more hits of this gas. I remember that I was amazed how a substance can make the world seem a little more bearable.

A few years later I remember enjoying the feeling of artificially drifting off from anesthesia before a surgery I had.

Nobody taught me to love mind-altering substances. It wasn't first until my life situation crashed hard that I started liking and experimenting with substances. As a teenager, my peers drank weekly only at parties, but I started drinking in my room alone.

But then I had a decade where I was a teetotaler for religious reasons, but being sober was bearable for a while, when I was seeking a spouse and when I got married.

So while I was married and life seemed to only move forward, my predetermined addictive personality was just suppressed like an air-filled beach ball kept under water in the pool. As soon as the hand lets go, the ball jumps above the surface with great force, and as soon as my spouse left me my addictive personality reared its disgusting ugly head.

But I can't blame it on life circumstances; I can't blame my ex, nor can I blame upbringing or anything else: Because I already had it in me from the very start.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying all addicts are born that way (I'm just saying I am), nor am I saying all addicts, or even myself, are hopelessly stuck in addictive tendencies for life.

You're absolutely correct. There is a ton of research into addiction/addictive personalities being a genetic predisposition. Some researchers even believe they've linked it to a lower number of D2 receptors. Although they also concede that environment has an impact as well of course.

 

[KillingPain267]

You're absolutely correct. There is a ton of research into addiction/addictive personalities being a genetic predisposition. Some researchers even believe they've linked it to a lower number of D2 receptors. Although they also concede that environment has an impact as well of course.

It's interesting stuff. But I think it CAN just be environmental as well, or both, or environment can increase the tendency to use substances. I just know it CAN also just be a preset tendency from very early on in my case if I'm being honest with myself. But a tendency to addiction would never get expressed if the person never sees or tries substances. Maybe the solution for addicts is to try to forget the feelings substances give, because once a substance is tried, the brain seems to remember the idea that there is something out there to easily alter a mood.

I feel very sorry for you. My mom is a heavy drinker who drinks to suppress thoughts about problems. Her dad died a horrible death, slowly rotting away in a hospital, both mentally and physically. The worse it gets the more she drinks. She promised my dad not to drink to get drunk as a marriage promise, she also promised never to drink again when she got into a fight with my dad over it... yet she does it to this day. Addiction is a very hideous thing, disguising itself as a solution to problems only to create even more of them. Being born an individual who is prone addictions is absolutely unfair. I hope that you can resist these struggles as much as possible. I wish you the best!

Thank you. But being brutally honest with myself at least helps me know that I only have myself to blame when I use. It takes away the many ways my brain tries to justify substance use. Similar to what you described about your mom, I started drinking to suppress depressive and anxious thoughts from divorce. But then it became justifying drinking to fall asleep a little faster. Then it became opioids to relieve stress. Then it became drinking to relieve hangovers. Then it became mixing alcohol with opioids to potentiate the effects of these expensive precious opioids. Then it became alcohol and sleep meds to sleep for 2 days straight to entirely shut out any feelings and thoughts at all. The only thing "good" in the eyes of society would be that my substance use postponed my suicide. But it also hastens my demise in other ways.

 

[cloudyskye]

Maybe the solution for addicts is to try to forget the feelings substances give, because once a substance is tried, the brain seems to remember the idea that there is something out there to easily alter a mood.

How plausible is that really though? I mean you said you're self you were a child and enjoyed the gas. Also just consider you probably don't know what your addiction will be for sure when you're young so how can you avoid everything? Genetic predisposition to addiction doesn't mean the same addiction necessarily. Parent might be alcoholic kids could be smokers, gamblers, drug abusers etc...

 

[NegevChina]

It's interesting stuff. But I think it CAN just be environmental as well, or both, or environment can increase the tendency to use substances. I just know it CAN also just be a preset tendency from very early on in my case if I'm being honest with myself. But a tendency to addiction would never get expressed if the person never sees or tries substances. Maybe the solution for addicts is to try to forget the feelings substances give, because once a substance is tried, the brain seems to remember the idea that there is something out there to easily alter a mood.

Thank you. But being brutally honest with myself at least helps me know that I only have myself to blame when I use. It takes away the many ways my brain tries to justify substance use. Similar to what you described about your mom, I started drinking to suppress depressive and anxious thoughts from divorce. But then it became justifying drinking to fall asleep a little faster. Then it became opioids to relieve stress. Then it became drinking to relieve hangovers. Then it became mixing alcohol with opioids to potentiate the effects of these expensive precious opioids. Then it became alcohol and sleep meds to sleep for 2 days straight to entirely shut out any feelings and thoughts at all. The only thing "good" in the eyes of society would be that my substance use postponed my suicide. But it also hastens my demise in other ways.

I used to be addicted to cigarets for 15 years, managed to quit and for the last 26 years I haven't smoked. But then for the past 10 years I'm addicted to sleeping pills and lately due to deteriorating conditions, both mental and physical I'm addicted to benzos. I don't blame myself but rather my traumas in life, most of them in childhood, causing my CPTSD. Guess I was never really over my addiction to substances.

 

[KillingPain267]

How plausible is that really though? I mean you said you're self you were a child and enjoyed the gas. Also just consider you probably don't know what your addiction will be for sure when you're young so how can you avoid everything? Genetic predisposition to addiction doesn't mean the same addiction necessarily. Parent might be alcoholic kids could be smokers, gamblers, drug abusers etc...

Yeah I don't know. It was just a thought. Addictions are one of the toughest things to treat and most current "techniques" are little more than hocus pocus.

 

[cloudyskye]

Yeah I don't know. It was just a thought. Addictions are one of the toughest things to treat and most current "techniques" are little more than hocus pocus.

I'm addicted to tobacco I've been smoking cigs for over 30yrs. I know that's not the same but I do understand to a small degree. In the interest of full disclosure I've never tried to quit though.

 

[KillingPain267]

I'm addicted to tobacco I've been smoking cigs for over 30yrs. I know that's not the same but I do understand to a small degree. In the interest of full disclosure I've never tried to quit though.

I've never been able to smoke anything, but I know my mom quit smoking cigarettes two decades ago but was never able to quit nicotine gum, lol. I even bought nicotine gum for her as a kid, in a shop that knew I me, haha. So nicotine seems like one of the toughest out there, lol.

And by the way, by addiction I don't mean drug dependence. There is a difference. It takes only like a week to quit alcohol or opioids cold turkey (dependence). But it may take a lifetime resisting cravings for them (addiction). Treating withdrawals for alcohol is easy (benzos) or opioids (suboxone or methadone or tapering), but what the mental health science has yet to really have effective treatments for is the addiction part.

 

[cloudyskye]

I've never been able to smoke anything, but I know my mom quit smoking cigarettes two decades ago but was never able to quit nicotine gum, lol. I even bought nicotine gum for her as a kid, in a shop that knew I me, haha. So nicotine seems like one of the toughest out there, lol.

And by the way, by addiction I don't mean drug dependence. There is a difference. It takes only like a week to quit alcohol or opioids cold turkey (dependence). But it may take a lifetime resisting cravings for them (addiction). Treating withdrawals for alcohol is easy (benzos) or opioids (suboxone or methadone or tapering), but what the mental health science has yet to really have effective treatments for is the addiction part.

I get you. My dad literally went 25+ years not drinking and then started again and basicly lived in a bottle for over a decade b4 stopping again. He still fights cravings and drinks sometimes but he been able to keep it in check for 5+ yes.

 

[KillingPain267]

I get you. My dad literally went 25+ years not drinking and then started again and basicly lived in a bottle for over a decade b4 stopping again. He still fights cravings and drinks sometimes but he been able to keep it in check for 5+ yes.

Amazing! This shows that tendency to addiction may also fluctuate as well. There really needs to be done more research in this field. Recently I have been interested in studying newer views on the old adage that Once an Addict Always an Addict.

 

[cloudyskye]

Amazing! This shows that tendency to addiction may also fluctuate as well. There really needs to be done more research in this field. Recently I have been interested in studying newer views on the old adage that Once an Addict Always an Addict.

It certainly didn't take him long to get back at it so to speak. I personally think it was emotionally driven. He and my mom weren't getting along she was being a total bitch to him constantly. He would basicly live in his workshop and drink until he passed out.