Venting I wish friends cared about me the way i do them

[cylus46]

Im always the one to reach out, to initiate, to support and to entertain...why? How can people i call close friends go days without a dm to me or a check up on me...every friend I ever had is like this. I feel like im just entertainment, a person to vent to, a coat they pick up and out down when they need.

Even one friend I consider my closest he could go days without talking to me, he hardly initiates things with me, he talks to others daily but not me...you would think this is a bad friend but he's there when I reach out...he's there when I vent about my depression...he's offers to help...

I just feel so tired of feeling like I love my friends more then they love me. Maybe I'm just clingy or reliant on them, maybe my mental health scares them or maybe I'm just not a likeable person in the first place. I just want someone to care...REALLY care not just care out of convenience, or care when they got nothing better to do.

I don't treat friends that way I pause my life for a close friend...ill dm them first, I'll initiate hangouts first, I'll think about them first. Why do I always feel like I care more about them then they do me...its so tiring feeling like a coat in a closet.

Im tired of feeling like the problem...the broken one...but maybe I am.

 

[citrusrope]

Reading this made me feel really sad for some reason, even though I've read a lot of threads today. I wonder why human connection and human relationships are so hard?

 

[cylus46]

Reading this made me feel really sad for some reason, even though I've read a lot of threads today. I wonder why human connection and human relationships are so hard?

I don't know :( I made so many friends but I never made a friend i feel cares about me equally to how i care about them. I feel like they're friends out of convenience and as I slowly get worse mentally I feel like we just talk less and less because now I'm not the one putting in that effort for them. I guess it's good to open my eyes to who cares about me and who doesn't but it just fuels my loneliness and depression when they ALL fit into the "doesn't" category and it's always been like this since I was a kid.

 

[citrusrope]

I don't know :( I made so many friends but I never made a friend i feel cares about me equally to how i care about them. I feel like they're friends out of convenience and as I slowly get worse mentally I feel like we just talk less and less because now I'm not the one putting in that effort for them. I guess it's good to open my eyes to who cares about me and who doesn't but it just fuels my loneliness and depression when they ALL fit into the "doesn't" category and it's always been like this since I was a kid.

I relate with that. I wasn't the best friend I could have been but I still, I'd like to think I put effort in to try and be one you know? Only for my friend to have been the one to forget about me the moment I got into a really bad long period of anxiety and depression. They mostly only ever asked or reached out to me first when they had plans they wanted to do. Otherwise they never even reached out once to check in on me when I had to isolate myself. Not once.

But maybe it was because my depression and negativity was too much, so maybe I cannot fault them.

Still, I think I can empathize with how you feel, and it sucks. I'm sorry that your "friends" never reciprocated your efforts.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

So relatable. I had friends in my youth and even in adult hood that I would do nearly anything for because I cared and love them. Bent over backward, would lose sleep, do everything and anything to make sure they were ok. Now it's like I am nothing. I never expect anything in return for what random acts of kindness I used to do.. I don't anymore because I end up forgotten. I used to reach out, hoping someone I used to spend time with would talk to me or say "hey, how've you been" but nothing is said. I really wish out of those people I knew one would be like me, go the distance and find something about me that they feel worthwhile. heh..who am I kidding? No one care, I could drop dead right now. no tears would be shed or reminiscing about what stuff I did with them or anything. I tried fitting in with people online but they do the same or they are so sensitive to every goddamn thing that I can't help but cringe. So. this is my fate. Might as well accept it. I hope you'll find people who enjoy who you are and go the distance for you.

 

[jonathanjoestar]

Im always the one to reach out, to initiate, to support and to entertain...why? How can people i call close friends go days without a dm to me or a check up on me...every friend I ever had is like this. I feel like im just entertainment, a person to vent to, a coat they pick up and out down when they need.

Even one friend I consider my closest he could go days without talking to me, he hardly initiates things with me, he talks to others daily but not me...you would think this is a bad friend but he's there when I reach out...he's there when I vent about my depression...he's offers to help...

I just feel so tired of feeling like I love my friends more then they love me. Maybe I'm just clingy or reliant on them, maybe my mental health scares them or maybe I'm just not a likeable person in the first place. I just want someone to care...REALLY care not just care out of convenience, or care when they got nothing better to do.

I don't treat friends that way I pause my life for a close friend...ill dm them first, I'll initiate hangouts first, I'll think about them first. Why do I always feel like I care more about them then they do me...its so tiring feeling like a coat in a closet.

Im tired of feeling like the problem...the broken one...but maybe I am.

I totally understand you. You are not broken, you just have soo much love to give. I used to be like you (well i still am). I gave presents to everyone, i reached out to everyone, i listen to all of their problems, but they never did same to me. But i didn't care, because i did these to make me feel good about myself, but the good person mask can only last a while. They didnt returned my affection. I felt so lonely, i felt i was the broken one. So i distance myself from everyone, change my number, delete all my social media, but at the same time left a little hint for one who truly cares to reach out to me. Surprisingly, only one person reached out to me,despite having 100 whom i thought i could call a friend. So dont despair, you are not broken, you just need to shift the loves towards yourself first. Then the real one will appear.

 

[sadalways]

Goddamn this hits hard. I'm sorry that's happening to you This has been the case for me too my whole life, nobody really ever messages me first or checks up on me, i almost always have to do that first for people to reply to me. It's almost as if i'm the easiest human to replace and i don't matter at all. This has been the case ever since i was a kid and i never really thought much of it until later in life when people would go hangout without me and basically ignore me. I was kicked out of a friend group last year for opening up about my suicidal thoughts and the people that claimed to be my "best friends" and to "care" about me, haven't checked up on me since, not a single message. Makes me want to disappear and not talk to anybody ever again. But i know then i'd go insane. Cursed cycle.

 

[nogods4me]

Yeah I am subject to the same curse. It means you will likely only be free from suffering by dying. There probably is no other solution. I'm middle aged and it didn´t get better. It got and keeps getting worse.

I mean there are a million factors to think about but in all likelihood it is a waste of time. Something is wrong that makes the other humans see you as less important and it might even be something physical (so even less possibility of changing it).

I hate this world and the humans populating it but I guess most people are just doing what they are programmed to do.

I feel like the only upside is that maybe what is "right" is that certain people do end up catching the bus. If there is some sort of higher order, people like us self-terminating is part of that order. So it is right to do that. Seeing it that way brings me a bit of comfort and a bit more hope that I will be able to go through with it.