I wish my illness would kill me

[watchtthethrone]

I've been severely chronically ill for over 3 years. I can, just barely, keep myself alive on a day-to-day basis but my quality-of-life is non-existent. I've been abused my medical professionals, my family (who I'm forced to live with), denied access to any form of housing or disability. I almost feel like if I kill myself now, I'll be written off as depressed or like I just couldn't take it anymore (because, purportedly, there's no proof I'm 'sick'), and that my family will control the subsequent narrative. I don't even have the willpower to go through with it lately. I feel like if the illness kills me instead, it might be more jarring and people will have to step back and reconsider how they treated me during such a horrific time in my life.

 

[Tiburcio]

This is fucked. I only wish they all would know how this really feels and consider how shitty persons they are.

 

[watchtthethrone]

Been feeling really lonely .. even in the context of a suicide community, the physical component makes me feel kinda isolated. If anyone else chronically ill ever wants to talk, feel free to message me.

 

[millefeui]

What is your illness? It is okay if you don't want to answer and sorry if I am asking too much.

 

[watchtthethrone]

I'd rather not discuss that publicly, sorry.

 

[shattered dreams]

I got chronic pancreatitis when I was 28 which is when my life was effectively over. It has been 15 years now that I have had this horrible disease. I also have no quality of life and can relate to that. I got it from severe alcoholism, so it was my fault.