nomoredolor
Experienced
- Sep 7, 2024
- 229
I wish that my loved ones understood the sheer suffering, trauma, pain and mental illness it has taken me to get here. How many times I tried to manifest a better life. How much I worked so hard to stay alive. Just to get continually shit on by life. Always at or well above my limit for what I can handle. I try to explain my pov and then I'm so discouraged after talking to them. They're trying to encourage me to live by telling me all the things I should be doing differently. About how I need to lose the mindset that I'm trapped and that my loved ones are holding me back from the sweet relief of death. A bunch more. But I guess at the end of the day I'm glad they don't understand. Because I don't wish what I've been through on them. And the lack of understanding demonstrates that they haven't had to suffer in these specific manners.
I am trying to prepare the people in my life, on different levels, that I am going to die at some point in the nearish future. Not in a blatant get myself blue papered way. But I think I'm prob still stupid to be doing this. I just want to make them aware that I am a risk to be close to. And that I can't stay. I want them to understand but I know they don't and can't.
I'm so thankful to have one person in my life who is validating. They lost a child to suicide and they still tell me I'm not selfish for wanting my pain to end. While letting me know they want me to live they also say they think it's selfish of us to want our loved ones to stay alive even if it means suffering, but acknowledging that a lot of us do it. They try very hard not to guilt trip me and it means the world to me. Especially after losing the one person who understood me. I never could have dreamt for this level of validation from this specific person. They are just loving me. They even suggested a cemetery to me.
Anna
I am trying to prepare the people in my life, on different levels, that I am going to die at some point in the nearish future. Not in a blatant get myself blue papered way. But I think I'm prob still stupid to be doing this. I just want to make them aware that I am a risk to be close to. And that I can't stay. I want them to understand but I know they don't and can't.
I'm so thankful to have one person in my life who is validating. They lost a child to suicide and they still tell me I'm not selfish for wanting my pain to end. While letting me know they want me to live they also say they think it's selfish of us to want our loved ones to stay alive even if it means suffering, but acknowledging that a lot of us do it. They try very hard not to guilt trip me and it means the world to me. Especially after losing the one person who understood me. I never could have dreamt for this level of validation from this specific person. They are just loving me. They even suggested a cemetery to me.
Anna
