I wish something would permanently stop me from getting in a romantic relationship again

[justlookinforanswers]

Idk if this is a strange thing to say but it's how I feel, I think the main thing that makes me want to CTB is the fact that being in a relationship feels like a literal nightmare to me on so many levels (I have BPD), but I feel like I can't trust myself to not get in another in the future if I end up liking someone bc it's only human to want that (and it's simultaneously worsened by the fact I have BPD, mind you). All the possibilities of them leaving me, cheating on me, whatever, even just not liking me as much as they let on or going behind my back with certain things or fighting with me feels so emotionally triggering it makes me want to get off this planet altogether. I also struggle to feel like my past relationships have been worth it or "growing experiences" in any way even if they were. I mostly just reexperience the pain of the end of the relationship and feel bitter and awkward if I ever interact with them again. All this being said, I think about how much I want a relationship every single day. Living is so agonizing lmao

But I have interests and generally enjoy socializing and what else life has to offer. Yet somehow this stuff seems to just overshadow all that so frequently and make it feel like nothing, bc this feeling is so disproportionately strong.

 

[fatalerror]

Yes, I feel you. I wish I wasn't into anybody.
My life is smooth when I am alone, but then I feel lonely and find somebody.
Something bad happens, we break up.
I repeat this endless loop forever, I hate it!

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I'd rather spend my time with Dog's than I would with sheeple's, oh and Classic 1980's Ford's!

 

[Marine]

If you don't need it give it to me.

 

[NumbItAll]

it would be nice to be content with being alone instead of being tortured by harmful biological urges

 

[Suicidebydeath]

It really sucks for people with BPD or similar. All the good intentions in the world can't save you from pain sometimes. My sympathies.

 

[Mixo]

Love is pain. I've resigned myself to the fact that it's better to be alone so no one gets hurt - me nor the other person in question.

 

[Dead Ghost]

It's only happened to me once and unintentionally.
All you have to do is live your life apart from others, live for yourself and not for others... to put it simply, live selfishly, no one will want to get close to a person who makes it so clear that they don't wants to share with others.

//

A mi només m'ha passat una vegada i sense voler.
L'únic que has de fer es fer la teva vida al marge dels altres, viu per tú i no pels altres... per dir-ho simplement, viu egoístament, ningú voldrà apropar-se a una persona que deixa tan clar que no vol compartir-se amb els demés.