Venting I wonder why I'm so desperate for attention?

[Ichigo]

what I learned is that most people don't feel this need to get stranger's validation. because most people have a support system. They can go to their friends talk about their personal matters. Their feelings that aren't safe to share in public.


So they don't need to get on this soapbox..like I do
After all why suffer the risk of being vulnerable to strangers when you already have free support?

But, I need strangers...




Yes I know I have friends, family, I have a loving mother and good friends
In theory I have a support system. It's not like I'm in a abusive environment.


But it's like they don't exist to me. Not really. It's like there in the foreground.

I feel like once I know a person won't abandon me, I no longer crave their attention because I know I can get it whenever I want to.
So their attention becomes worthless to me. I don't get excited at their attention anymore.


I'm addicted to outsider attention ... It feels like the only real attention that I need honestly.
It's the only attention that makes me excited. it feel so good . And I don't know why I feel this way. This feeling has always alluded me. To this day, I'm stuck trying to to figure out why I crave strangers and distant people attention more than my own family and friends.


but I'm able to restrain myself.
I managed to self isolate for a long, long time. But every now and then I get these cravings, and I go seeking out for it again.

Strangely, these cravings only come when I'm feeling down or lonely.




It feels like it is never a appropriate time to discuss negative feelings. Negative feelings in themselves create nothing but uncomfortable tension in the air..so negativity has to be paired up with something else to make it more palatable.

I noticed that in social media, depression and negative feelings are usually framed in an either a artsy way or a funny way.
Either way, it feels like you have to be a little disingenuous about how intense your feelings truly are and that to me feels like masking my feelings.
Outside of this forum.. I often wonder how are people able to come across so lighthearted?


When I'm sad, I don't express it. Because I do not express it in the appropriate manner. It is too personal and long.


not in the "artsy" way.
I can't wax beautiful poems out of my sorrow and loneliness and unfortunately no matter how bad the hopelessness gets, im not driven to make beautiful art out of my pain.

Im depressed but it's not in a quirky way like those funny relatable memes or quotes

It's not enough to move people to tears and it's not enough to drive people towards me..

When you're neither of those things, what do you do?


When I'm depressed I just feel like lying down and not doing anything.

And it's not like I necessarily want these things. It's more like it is the only way to get people to give me attention and love..to see I'm hurting..


. I want to connect with other people and I want to draw people towards me but sometimes even my own feelings allude me.

I'm so confusing

 

[dreamscape1111]

Free Attachment Style Test | The Attachment Project

Over 500,000 people have already taken our free attachment style test to discover their attachment styles. Are you secure, anxious, avoidant or disorganized?

quiz.attachmentproject.com

This probably comes from childhood trauma, can definitely relate, although in a slightly different manner.

If you take the test above, you'll be able to understand these patterns so much better by learning about your attachment style.

To me it sounds like an Anxious Attachment style.

Hope this helps, much love.



Here's the audiobook from their book, very eyeopening.

 

[ayla]

i hear u. im the same :) kinda? i love validation from strangers especially when i post about some hardships im going through.. i love when people also agree with what im saying or can relate. another kinda unrelated example is when i had social media i was desperate for likes / comments but not for the popular aspect more so of the i wanted people to think i had friends & wasnt some crazy girl. i wanted to convince random people that nothing was wrong with me it sounds so silly because why do i care so much loll idk

 

[Petrichor]

I also somewhat relate!! I need validation so badly, in a "wow, she's so (insert good thing)!" from a stranger (and not in a sexual way at all). I CRAVE attention and validation from basically everyone I know, but anything I receive from friends or family that I'm close to isn't good. I immediately disregard it and I can't believe them, regardless of what they're saying or whether they genuinely mean it or not, I cannot ever truly believe what they are saying..

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I don't really have any friends, a few internet friends only,

 

[NarkGazeem]

what I learned is that most people don't feel this need to get stranger's validation. because most people have a support system. They can go to their friends talk about their personal matters. Their feelings that aren't safe to share in public.


So they don't need to get on this soapbox..like I do
After all why suffer the risk of being vulnerable to strangers when you already have free support?

But, I need strangers...




Yes I know I have friends, family, I have a loving mother and good friends
In theory I have a support system. It's not like I'm in a abusive environment.


But it's like they don't exist to me. Not really. It's like there in the foreground.

I feel like once I know a person won't abandon me, I no longer crave their attention because I know I can get it whenever I want to.
So their attention becomes worthless to me. I don't get excited at their attention anymore.


I'm addicted to outsider attention ... It feels like the only real attention that I need honestly.
It's the only attention that makes me excited. it feel so good . And I don't know why I feel this way. This feeling has always alluded me. To this day, I'm stuck trying to to figure out why I crave strangers and distant people attention more than my own family and friends.


but I'm able to restrain myself.
I managed to self isolate for a long, long time. But every now and then I get these cravings, and I go seeking out for it again.

Strangely, these cravings only come when I'm feeling down or lonely.




It feels like it is never a appropriate time to discuss negative feelings. Negative feelings in themselves create nothing but uncomfortable tension in the air..so negativity has to be paired up with something else to make it more palatable.

I noticed that in social media, depression and negative feelings are usually framed in an either a artsy way or a funny way.
Either way, it feels like you have to be a little disingenuous about how intense your feelings truly are and that to me feels like masking my feelings.
Outside of this forum.. I often wonder how are people able to come across so lighthearted?


When I'm sad, I don't express it. Because I do not express it in the appropriate manner. It is too personal and long.


not in the "artsy" way.
I can't wax beautiful poems out of my sorrow and loneliness and unfortunately no matter how bad the hopelessness gets, im not driven to make beautiful art out of my pain.

Im depressed but it's not in a quirky way like those funny relatable memes or quotes

It's not enough to move people to tears and it's not enough to drive people towards me..

When you're neither of those things, what do you do?


When I'm depressed I just feel like lying down and not doing anything.

And it's not like I necessarily want these things. It's more like it is the only way to get people to give me attention and love..to see I'm hurting..


. I want to connect with other people and I want to draw people towards me but sometimes even my own feelings allude me.

I'm so confusing

"I'm addicted to outsider attention."

It was no fault of my mother's that she has OCD, but I suffered for it as a child and it is all I know in terms of my concrete experience of reality.

It is also no fault of anyone who lives in the Western world that we are deeply disconnected from reality.

An anecdote: I lived in Ecuador for several years and became fluent in Spanish. While I was there, I did not have the words to express depression because I never had the chance to cogitate on my own. In Ecuador, it is normal to have your extended family as your social circle, and when that happens there is a recognition of the fleeting nature of life that morphs into genuine community.

I can feel sad while thinking in Spanish, but because I learned the language in an environment where I ONLY had positive community experiences, I could see that where I grew up (USA) lacked that to a great extent.

What I did was commit myself to changing my daily experiences by getting extremely curious about my discomfort, and forcing myself into novel experiences of simple things: connecting with nature, taking time to learn new recipes and be very mindful about every step, take free courses on different cultural histories to experience other philosophical perspectives.


Eventually I found a place where I could cope but I was still struggling from the effort needed to preserve my well being. I won't lie - I had many moments where I "regressed" but I had trained myself to put these "regressive thoughts" on trial like a scientist and see what concrete information I could obtain.

The answer I received? There is none. Grasping for concrete information that would resolve my worries does not exist. In light of that emptiness, I decided to find a kid I could mentor through local volunteering experiences.


This has been years of work, but I am at a place where every time I'm able to give that kid a space to feel his pain and be heard, I am protecting him from my fate, and every time I resolve an issue in his life through community I am curing a tiny part of myself. And I feel it. It feels WONDERFUL. I still carry a heavy burden, but looking back I can see that my outcome is a result of committing to one day at a time, and slowly becoming stronger than I ever thought possible.


The waves still come, but you get stronger and you learn that the waves always pass, and that it's always worth sticking around to eat delicious Phoenix buns at dim sum with strangers, or speak with your uncle on the phone, or read a book that you feel FINALLY understands you (my recommendation is Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace).

I'm glad you're still here - the internet is only a placeholder for community. Like Batman, in the Dark Knight Rises, you can't escape the pit without commiting to NEVER going back into that pit, even if it means taking off the safety cord that has been holding the line for you for many many years.

Keep sharing the raw feelings in your heart! True insight lies there!

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

Most women are like this biologically, it's only natural.