Discussion Ideal CTB

[nothingspecial]

I'm curious, what is your most ideal, perfect, dream way to CTB?

Here's my CTB fantasy:

I somehow score some SN. The very day it gets delivered to my house, I wait for my parents to go to sleep. I write a simple note and hop into bed, snuggled in all my warm blankets. I drink my little SN concoction and I go to sleep holding my favorite crucifix and praying the rosary as I drift off. I don't throw up, I just fall into a sweet permanent sleep. It's peaceful and I'm giddy with joy. I don't have to worry about my parents finding me. I don't have to worry about the grief of my family and friends. I don't have to worry about my failed vocation. Because I'll be waking up in Paradise.

 

[Coal54321]

I would be walking aimlessly around my city for eternity and that would be the rest of my life. Just walking around forever on the way to the hotel room that I would ctb in, but I would never get there and the day would never end. But I would still feel the high of knowing that the end is coming very soon and I can finally escape pain and nothing matters anymore. I would be taking one last walk around on my own, walking past families and tourists whose lives are going perfectly and have no idea what I think I am about to do. This wouldn't feel like endless time to me - time would just stop progressing and I wouldn't know any better. In my mind it's mere hours away. I really don't want to die. I am so afraid. There's still so much I want to do. I just want to be at peace for eternity. But as I am trapped in this endless infinity I would essentially be dead.

 

[nothingspecial]

I would be walking aimlessly around my city for eternity and that would be the rest of my life. Just walking around forever on the way to the hotel room that I would ctb in, but I would never get there and the day would never end. But I would still feel the high of knowing that the end is coming very soon and I can finally escape pain and nothing matters anymore. I would be taking one last walk around on my own, walking past families and tourists whose lives are going perfectly and have no idea what I think I am about to do. This wouldn't feel like endless time to me - time would just stop progressing and I wouldn't know any better. In my mind it's mere hours away. I really don't want to die. I am so afraid. There's still so much I want to do. I just want to be at peace for eternity. But as I am trapped in this endless infinity I would essentially be dead.

I don't even know how you managed to express this feeling in words but I completely understand this. Reading this made me feel seen.

 

[FuneralCry]

A death that is as painless as possible that leads to me never suffering again in this existence, I only wish to be permanently unconscious incapable of suffering in any way, to me existence is such a cruel, futile burden. I'd never wish for the pain of existing but rather I just wish for the peace of eternal nothingness where all is finally gone and forgotten about for me, never existing again truly is all I see as desirable. But of course if it's up to me I'd choose to completely erase my existence, I want to disappear, I want it to be like I never suffered at all.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Kind of a boring obvious answer, but: intravenous Nembutal! Push the lever and doze off. Like sleep every night, but without tomorrow. Perfect.

 

[Agon321]

Inert gas.
In addition, before CTB I would like to see a view of mountains, forests and a sunset.

 

[toxicjester]

I'd somehow work out how to ctb with carbon monoxide without hurting anyone else but making it look like an accident. Or just any other way of ctb that lets me just feel tired and go to sleep and also looks accidental. And I'd want to be cuddling a seal plush that's as big as I am and then when I wake up, I'd be in my next life as a baby harp seal next to my mama

 

[nothingspecial]

I'd somehow work out how to ctb with carbon monoxide without hurting anyone else but making it look like an accident. Or just any other way of ctb that lets me just feel tired and go to sleep and also looks accidental. And I'd want to be cuddling a seal plush that's as big as I am and then when I wake up, I'd be in my next life as a baby harp seal next to my mama

Aww, that's so cute!! Have you seen those fat seal plushies on Amazon haha

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Inert gas.

It's pretty easy...since N might as well be unobtainium I'm thinking this might be the way for me

 

[TANETS]

I would like to be snuggled up comfortably watching a comfort show or listening to a comfort song, slowly losing conscious. I thought this would be possible with CO but I guess not

 

[toxicjester]

Aww, that's so cute!! Have you seen those fat seal plushies on Amazon haha

Thank you! And I have, I've actually bought one before but it was for my gf!
The ideal seal plush is one that's like long and laying down tho, maybe a harp seal specifically but that doesn't matter as much to me, I just really resonate with harp seals and I love them

 

[affirmatice]

There's a thread on Reddit about people who have medically died before and were revived.

Most everyone accounts it as extremely peaceful. Even euphoric.

That gave me some peace. I guess SN is my method, by the new years I should have every single drug needed. All the luxury ones included, benzos and propranolol.

Should I go through with it, I hope it will be peaceful. Just like slowly falling asleep.

 

[wanttoctbnow]

Really any method that will be quick and guaranteed and painless is my ideal.

Right now I am thinking of SN, but if it were possible to procure N, I would probably use that instead.

I would wake up at 2 am, take my supplementary drugs, take SN, go back to bed. Put my earphones on and listen to Sirens by pearl jam and slowly drift off into sleep/unconsciousness.

 

[nothingspecial]

There's a thread on Reddit about people who have medically died before and were revived.

Most everyone accounts it as extremely peaceful. Even euphoric.

That gave me some peace. I guess SN is my method, by the new years I should have every single drug needed. All the luxury ones included, benzos and propranolol.

Should I go through with it, I hope it will be peaceful. Just like slowly falling asleep.

Wow, I'm so excited for you! I definitely feel like it's going to be euphoric for me too. I get very happy just thinking about it. Like warm butterflies. I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide to do!

Really any method that will be quick and guaranteed and painless is my ideal.

Right now I am thinking of SN, but if it were possible to procure N, I would probably use that instead.

I would wake up at 2 am, take my supplementary drugs, take SN, go back to bed. Put my earphones on and listen to Sirens by pearl jam and slowly drift off into sleep/unconsciousness.

Sirens by Pearl Jam is such a beautiful song to drift off to.

 

[Unknown21]

There's a thread on Reddit about people who have medically died before and were revived.

Most everyone accounts it as extremely peaceful. Even euphoric.

That gave me some peace. I guess SN is my method, by the new years I should have every single drug needed. All the luxury ones included, benzos and propranolol.

Should I go through with it, I hope it will be peaceful. Just like slowly falling asleep.

Can u give me the link please?

 

[divinemistress36]

Dying from a shit ton of morphine in bed or in the forest

 

[star.trip]

My ideal ctb:
It would be in some forest or in nature where I can listen to the sound of water or birds, where I can feel for the last time the wind on my face, the touch of the grass with my feet and wait for it all to be over. I would never do it at home because I would not want to create a bad memory for those who meet me at home.
I would have so much peace. I don't know what will come after I leave but the only thing I would ask would be for my grandmother to accompany me to my rightful place (I have been hurt but I have been hurt too so when I am judged by whomever, I will surely go somewhere unpleasant). I will forgive those who hurt me and apologize to those I hurt and leave in peace and from love.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Ideally, I'd rather die during my sleep. It'd be so beautiful. I wouldn't have to put in any effort or worry about having to fail the suicide attempt. I'd just sleep and that's it, I'm permanently non existent

 

[TheHolySword]

My dream would be to go peacefully after having lived a long and happy life, surrounded by my loved ones. That is far out of my reach, so the next best option is SN, no side effects, falling asleep while I read old messages and never wake up.