If you could give advice to someone with BPD, what would it be?

[nightlygem]

I really hope this thread gets some sort of traction. This site has a bit of a problem when it comes to recovery; most users are here for the suicide discussion forums and less of the recovery, therefore, lots of these posts get left to rot.

regardless, I'm posting this here for organization sake.

As someone with BPD, it's very hard to find good advice from others. There are too many therapists that do not have BPD themselves and/or have no relationship with someone who has it. This leaves someone like me a bit lost when it comes to navigating their disorder. You would think that the professionals would understand the disorder, but truthfully, no one else is more of an expert on this than those who constantly live with it.

I find comfort in knowing that there are people like me.
I want to hear from my fellow BPD people: if you have any advice for us, or some advice you've received that's helped you, reply to this post.

If you don't have BPD but know someone who does, feel free to join in as well.

This is a bit of a selfish ask, but I hope that I can help others in some way with this post.

 

[Life_and_Death]

personally,
patience, understanding, repetition and self honestly - even if you arent honest with others (it can be hard to openly share sometimes) at least be honest with yourself.
and always remember, everyone is unique, what might work for one might not work for another. some might take one type of medication, some might take another. some might find one type of therapy helpful, some might find a different therapy helpful or a combination of therapy/meds.

it never hurts to keep an open mind and try different things. the worst that can happen is you discover that ones just not for you. (give or take the side effects of some medications. personally im staying away from the stronger ones, but thats a personal opinion. ask yourself, "is this worth it?")


and tbf...this is advice id probably give to anyone

 

[Traveller12724]

I don't know if this qualifies as advice, but you may find the book "Brain energy by harvard professor Chris Palmer" very useful in understanding the underlying causes of BPD and other mental disorders and ways to mitigate them. That book really helped a friend of mine who has BPD, that's my 2cents anyway

 

[moshimoshi]

I wanted to let you know I'm not officially diagnosed with BPD yet, so take it with a grain of salt, but my symptoms align very closely with the criteria for BPD. Everytime time I research it, it's like they're peaking inside my mind, it's uncanny how similar it is to me.

I think something that has helped me is remembering you're not a bad person for having this disorder, no matter how stigmatized and shit on it sometimes is by society. You're not any less worthy and you are definitely not a burden for struggling with such an exhausting and debilitating disorder. Another big thing that has helped me is looking at the positive sides of this disorder, which can be very hard because there are so many more negatives than positives lol. But I noticed people with BPD are some of the most kind and genuinely giving people I have spoken to, they tend to have a sense of understanding and can be very empathetic. Of course it always depends on the person, but that's what I've noticed :) I feel like people with BPD can be sentimental and have a lot of love in their hearts

Being honest with yourself, like LifeandDeath said, is very important too. For me I've been trying to face behaviors that I have done in the past as a result from this disorder that I feel deeply ashamed/guilty about. It's incredibly hard but I feel as if it's an important step in healing from it and changing unwanted behaviors.

I don't think this is a selfish ask at all if anything I'm sure more people with BPD will find this thread one day and be able to relate. Sorry I probably don't have as useful advice as someone who is officially diagnosed with BPD, but I hope it helps a bit ♡ also I absolutely love ur pfp and banner it looks really cool, is that makima on the banner? :0

 

[Mirrory Me]

"Take care of yourself."

Ketogenic diet shows promise for severe mental health issues

A small, pilot study suggests that adopting a ketogenic diet may help improve mental health symptoms as well as metabolic complications in people with severe mental illnesses.

www.medicalnewstoday.com

 

[nightlygem]

I wanted to let you know I'm not officially diagnosed with BPD yet, so take it with a grain of salt, but my symptoms align very closely with the criteria for BPD. Everytime time I research it, it's like they're peaking inside my mind, it's uncanny how similar it is to me.

I think something that has helped me is remembering you're not a bad person for having this disorder, no matter how stigmatized and shit on it sometimes is by society. You're not any less worthy and you are definitely not a burden for struggling with such an exhausting and debilitating disorder. Another big thing that has helped me is looking at the positive sides of this disorder, which can be very hard because there are so many more negatives than positives lol. But I noticed people with BPD are some of the most kind and genuinely giving people I have spoken to, they tend to have a sense of understanding and can be very empathetic. Of course it always depends on the person, but that's what I've noticed :) I feel like people with BPD can be sentimental and have a lot of love in their hearts

Being honest with yourself, like LifeandDeath said, is very important too. For me I've been trying to face behaviors that I have done in the past as a result from this disorder that I feel deeply ashamed/guilty about. It's incredibly hard but I feel as if it's an important step in healing from it and changing unwanted behaviors.

I don't think this is a selfish ask at all if anything I'm sure more people with BPD will find this thread one day and be able to relate. Sorry I probably don't have as useful advice as someone who is officially diagnosed with BPD, but I hope it helps a bit ♡ also I absolutely love ur pfp and banner it looks really cool, is that makima on the banner? :0

Your words are very much appreciated. Beautiful reminder that we aren't the monsters media paints us as.
And yes, that is Makima on my banner! CSM is my second favorite manga next to Berserk.

 

[LaughingGoat]

I personally don't have BPD, but spent years working with adolescents who did and can share what I saw worked for some of them. The most impactful thing, besides just willingness to engage in some form of treatment, was for those who had built a relationship with someone that they had trust in, had some wisdom, and they could go to and just express how they were seeing a situation to get feedback. This allowed them to gain some objective perspective outside how they were seeing things and pull out of any tunnel vision or other thought patterns. I say this as a distinction from therapy because even someone who is engaged in therapy, would only be able to do so maybe 1-2 a week max for a few hours. But the people who had that support system they would utilize regularly seemed to experience far less emotional turbulence. Going along with what has been said, being honest and aware with yourself, to be able to listen to the feedback without feeling overbearing to the person acting as support, as I did observe that as well.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

I really hope this thread gets some sort of traction. This site has a bit of a problem when it comes to recovery; most users are here for the suicide discussion forums and less of the recovery, therefore, lots of these posts get left to rot.

regardless, I'm posting this here for organization sake.

As someone with BPD, it's very hard to find good advice from others. There are too many therapists that do not have BPD themselves and/or have no relationship with someone who has it. This leaves someone like me a bit lost when it comes to navigating their disorder. You would think that the professionals would understand the disorder, but truthfully, no one else is more of an expert on this than those who constantly live with it.

I find comfort in knowing that there are people like me.
I want to hear from my fellow BPD people: if you have any advice for us, or some advice you've received that's helped you, reply to this post.

If you don't have BPD but know someone who does, feel free to join in as well.

This is a bit of a selfish ask, but I hope that I can help others in some way with this post.

This is the exact problem i'm fucking having,like i have my doctor and therapist and even other people telling me "just get over your FP,it's not a big deal" despite the fact she was my everything and more people just see you as crazy or stupid

Having BPD is a freaking nightmare and i'll be real with you I haven't had a diagnosis of sorts but if i be damned if i dont have BPD well fuck me because everything and more lines up

My extreme and intense emotions impulsively chronic fear of abandonment and separation,obsessive and possessive tendencies i mean my FP blue that i cant stop hurting for and thinking about among more things I haven't mentioned its just fucked all around

 

[lita-lassi]

committing to dialectic behavioral therapy with someone good, willingness and wanting to change, building better habits, learning that your partner is not the center of the universe and they CANNOT fix you and they are NOT responsible for you no matter how romantic that sounds/feels and striving for general independence

im a former social worker whos done a bunch of research, my bf is recently diagnosed after a suicide attempt wherein i became targeted and had to involve the police. the main thing that actually drove him to seek real treatment after vehemently denying any therapy would work for a long time was me putting up boundaries and refusing contact at all unless he actively got real help. hes now on meds, going to appointments, working more and seeing me less and i couldnt be prouder of him because hes no longer relying on only me for emotional regulation, hes learning how to regulate himself which is probably the most important part of managing bpd

others do not hate you just because they are not qualified/able to handle your mood swings or attachments, and insisting theyll abandon you is a self fulfilling prophesy most should be more aware of

i love him to death but i had to be compassionate and responsible for us both by admitting the limits of his behavior i could safely handle/deal with

 

[Esokabat]

My mom has borderline and the biggest blocking factor for any improvement is that she is unable to see any situation from an objective, non-emotional perspective. She cannot entertain the idea of being wrong. She believes that she is just fine and everyone else has the problem. I think you have to lie to yourself a lot to believe all this, I think lying is a self-protection mechanism. She also forgets when she acts absolutely crazy, absolutely unacceptable behavior, unacceptable things she says, and she forgets these episodes completely which is also a self-protection mechanism. Unfortunately everyone else around her do not have the luxury to forget all this craziness. If I would tell her that my childhood was very traumatic, she would be genuinely surprised and asked me why. This actually happened. But it is not even possible to tell her as she abruptly interrupts anything that she perceives as criticism, even in the most gentlest form. Lying to herself as a protection mechanism means that nothing ever changes or improves. Complete lack of self-awareness. So my advice would be is try to face uncomfortable truths. Try not to lie to yourself. Accept imperfection. This disease is not your fault but not facing reality will not make it go away. Unfortunately my mom is now elderly, she had it all her adult life, it originated due to a childhood event, and I have never seen any improvement during all her years, even old age dis not mellow out the disease. To me being a mother and having borderline are completely opposite forces, completely opposite behaviour patters, and all her adult life, these two forces were struggling inside her simultaneously

I don't know if this qualifies as advice, but you may find the book "Brain energy by harvard professor Chris Palmer" very useful in understanding the underlying causes of BPD and other mental disorders and ways to mitigate them. That book really helped a friend of mine who has BPD, that's my 2cents anyway

I wish this book would be recommended more in this platform. I think it would help a lot of people. I know Dr Palmer's ketogenic method reversed bipolar, schizophrenia and depression. I don't know if it would really help specifically BPD as in many cases, it is caused by a childhood event, and not necessarily a michochondrial energy problem of the brain. I am sure it would still help with the emotional disregulation of the disease, but I am not sure if it would reverse it completely. In that sense, I consider BPD quite different from schizophrenia, bipolar and depression, as I know those can be completely reversed for certain people with the method in the book. That is the difference between a personality disorder and actual mental illness. I think personality disorders cannot be reversed, only improved, while mental illness can be reversed. In any case, I think everyone on this forum should read or listen to this book