If you had a change of heart about CTB'ing, what made that happen for you?

[MyStateKilledMe]

Back in April, I originally decided to CTB because of my state's draconian lockdowns and social distancing laws. (Hence my name.) I used to have a rich social life, and my state took it away from me in a matter of days. All my friends and family fell for the Corona Flu scaremongering, and cut off in-person contact. Not only that, the MSM news, especially left-wing news, kept saying that social distancing would need to continue for years. Mind you, the super-strict lockdowns and social distancing laws were already in place since March. Even the term "social distancing" felt like a slap in the face each time I heard it. That's when I decided I wanted to get out of this world, and joined this site.

* * * * one month later * * * *
I found a radical right-wing group on social media, and signed up for it. I made some angry anti-liberal posts, which I wouldn't do under normal circumstances. I figured: if I CTB soon, who cares what I post! People in the group liked them; a few weeks later, I went to their party, hosted in an illegally-reopened bar a couple hours away from me. I ended up bonding with a few people I met there. That's where I found out that some of them live relatively close to me. Me and those people took a road to together to the next state, that was almost fully reopened by then. We're getting together again this Sunday, for a hike on a historic trail and a barbecue.

In a nutshell, what made me have a change of heart about CTB'ing was getting my social life back. It's not with the friends I used to hang out with, which is unfortunate; they're still "sheltering in place" in fear of Corona Flu. And my communication with family is still limited to Skype and phone. But I'm getting along smashingly with those right-wingers, and expect to continue being friends with them for the foreseeable future. Today, when I see the words "social distancing" on TV or on billboards, I just snicker to myself, knowing how I'm sticking it to the government. It's just sad that I had to break state laws to save my own life.

What about others in the Recovery subforum?

 

[WhiteDespair]

I received Olanzapine as an AE for SN and it calmed my head. It actually worked. Then, I spent Thanksgiving cycling between rage and sadness while I purged emotion. I wanted to stick a knife in me or my aunt, and trashed my room. After that, I just felt better overall.

Good on you for finding groups of people to hang out with. I haven't gotten that far.

 

[sufferingalways]

I'd love to say I was well enough to go out the front door regardless where to, but harassment from my council landlord has kept me too sick and weak to function and it's been over two years since I've slept a full night.
Bastards. Think they rule. One day .. to wipe that shitty smugness off their faces. UNcivil servants

 

[FriendofDeath]

I need purpose, and after losing my son, that pretty much did me in. I'm currently adding some projects that will keep me busy for months, maybe even years. Doing craftsy stuff helps me survive, but I got away from it for awhile. Hoping to claw my way back.

 

[ERASED]

It's not that I'm not going to CTB. It's just that I'm starting to cut again. And I feel kind of bad if I leave too soon....my two kids will be hurt by it. But I don't know if I can make it long enough for them. I feel so alone. I feel so trapped. I feel so defeated by life. I'm so tired. I'm so weak. I'm just emotional, physically and mentally exhausted. I want out. I want to be and go far away. I can never heal from my hurt because the people who have hurt me won't apologize. And I'm not just not talking about a they say their sorry apology, but their actions speak so clear that they just don't care. And it hurts when it's your so called family. Fuck this world and it's pathetic ass people in it. I'm so fucking done. I'm so fucking dead.

 

[Nightwillalwayswin]

By "radical right" you mean far right/ alt right?

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

By "radical right" you mean far right/ alt right?

No, not alt right. They're similar to Donald Trump, not the crazy people. But by my state's liberal standards, they're pretty far right.

Before I went to their party, I was kind of expecting them to be standoffish and dry, actually. I was just so desperate for in-person socialization with like-minded people, that I didn't really care. Plus, I was so tired of the liberal agenda about the Corona Flu being pushed in my face (that it's the world's deadliest monster that'll kill us all), that I wanted to be around conservatives for a change, who believe that it's just a flu and nothing to be afraid of (like I do). But they turned out to be one of the mellowest, most outgoing people I met in years.

I was floored by how nicely I got along with them, both at their online group and at their party, because I used to be left-wing when I was younger.. I hung out with them more times since then, and I'm grateful to have found their group.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

conservatives

I bet this group is REALLY UNDERSTANDING when it comes to suicide and mental illness. Unless of course you blame your illness on "libs".

Who needs psychiatry or pills when all you need to do is "stop being a snowflake and pull yourself up by your bootstraps". /S

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

I bet this group is REALLY UNDERSTANDING when it comes to suicide and mental illness. Unless of course you blame your illness on "libs".

Who needs psychiatry or pills when all you need to do is "stop being a snowflake and pull yourself up by your bootstraps". /S

Say what you must, but my group is actually very knowledgeable about mental illnesses, politics nonewithstanding. A few members even said they see a therapist (by Zoom, of course). In fact, they criticize my state's liberal governor, because he's ignoring the mental health problems his lockdowns are causing. Either way, it's an anti-quarantine group, not a mental health support group.

I'm still grateful to have found them. Social gatherings, with real people, in person, was just what I needed to have a change of heart about CTB'ing. And I never got Corona, which makes me question the truth value of it all. Besides, I don't trust any MHP any more than I can throw them. They'll turn me in to the police if they ever find out I went to a party.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

Well, I'm happy to update you guys that my social life returned to 60% of its pre-Corona Flu level, and is expected to go up to 80% in July. All that's still missing are bars with live bands and restaurant dinners. No festivals this year whatsoever, even in bordering states. I'm also socializing with a few of my old friends again, although our hangouts are limited to tennis and other social-distant sports. They're still gung-ho about staying 6 ft (2 m) apart, and won't shake hands or hug, but at least I get to see them and talk to them person. My new friends, on the other hand, have no such fears; I even partner-danced with a few of them at our party.

I want to extend a thank-you for the support and words of encouragement you've given me. I also want to reiterate that I still fully support America. It's my state government that needs to wither, die, and rot in hell.

 

[Ekmetallefsi]

>I received Olanzapine as an AE for SN and it calmed my head. It actually worked.
Similar here
I started taking beta blockers and Primperan as AE for the 48h SN way and it got me out of it. Still not sure if it was the right decisions but I care less about it now. Not really sure wat the issue I have even is. I draw connections where there aren't and panic over them, search hidden meanings in things people say and always come to the conclusion that everyone secretly hates me or wants to exploit me or others. It's so goddamn tiring and rarely ever stops.
edit: Another example - this forum going down on friday until saturday made me paranoid, because it was a couple hours after I made my account. Thought someone might have installed spying tools on my hardware so I wiped lots of data.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I got a good paying job in my field, working with good people.
I'll be making enough money that I should be able to get some medical stuff done, that should have been done a decade ago (or decades), but I was always too poor to get done. That should improve how I feel about myself greatly. I'm going to join a gym, too, get this withering body back in shape. I've decided I want to give myself another chance at finding love. I had given up 10 years ago, after 2 awful short-term relationships, but I took a chance on a girl this year and I almost had her. It ended super shitty, and made me want to die, which is what brought me here (straw that broke the camel's back), but it made me realize some things, so I want to get back in the game, find someone to share my life with. I've been lonely too long.