NSFW If you had sex with a stranger how scared would you be about procreation?

[noname223]

This dilemma concerns especially men who are into women. For women it might be a problem but they have more control over the situation.

I have an acquaintance. She is bipolar and very promiscuous. Sometimes when we both were manic we kind of flirted. But I would never agree on a partnership. She showed some interest in the past but I blocked it. She is not sane. She is often very delusional.
I have heard some sex stories of her.

It is rather a hypothetical scenario. I think she sleeps with many men when she is manic. She even went to swinger clubs and similar places as far as I know. And she looks quite good. If she had interest in a one night stand with me what would I do? I have to say I would not do if for various reasons.

I am not sure if she has STDs. Could be true if she really sleeps with so many men especially I assume she does not really care about contraception when she is manic.

I am kind of conservative in this instance. But I don't know I could change my view on it. I rather think I might be a person who develops feelings very fast. And this might be counterproductive.

She is not fully sane. This might be the main argument. It would feel like taking advantage of her when she is manic. But seemingly other men don't care. Though I think many don't really know her illness. But it should be obvious. Okay I think some thought she would just be on drugs. But is this really better?

Now I come to my second main argument. What if she becomes pregnant? I know her stance on abortion and she is against it. Not sure how ideological. But she once told me she could not kill such a child. Yeah this is a big warning sign for me not even to consider the option. We are both genetically pretty fucked with a family full of mental illness. I think the likelihood when two people with bipolar and psychosis procreate is very high the kid gets it too. Moreover we both absolutely don't have control about our own lives. This children would never have parents with a job, would live probably forever in poverty, one parent would seriously consider to kill himself which could trigger the hereditary illness in the child etc.

Honestly this is such a nightmarish scenario. I would hate myself forever having done something like that. This would be by far the worst thing I had ever done.
So I am curious if others of you also thought about such a hypothetical scenario. Contraception can fail. That is not that seldom. And if the woman you sleep with is fundamentally against abortions.... Yeah you have fucked up. I am not able to care for myself, I don't can handle my own problems and I need a lot of support. The best thing would be to give to children to a healthy family. But you often can not determine that.

Such a scenario is for me in general a good argument against one-night stands. I would have to know what stance the woman on abortion had. Could imagine this could ruin the whole thing.
Maybe I am just overthinking. But I had a huge portion of bad luck in my life. I often expect the worst.

What do you think about this?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Absolutely not do it for all of the reasons you just stated. Although I misread the title as 'without protection' instead of 'about procreation', and I'm answering the former. Always use protection. Re: procreation, hmm, that's a lot less worrisome tbh, I can't imagine it would happen right now even if protection failed.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm terrified enough by the idea of procreating to never want to do it, so at this point I'm probably 90% asexual. Whenever I do feel attraction towards someone else in a sexual way, any desire I feel dissipates almost instantly when I remind myself that it's caused by hormones being released by the brain as a way to force me to procreate. It's biological programming and nothing more. Now that I'm aware of it, the appeal of a one night stand or being in a long term relationship is gone and it's better that way.

In your specific situation, it was a lucky thing you still had your wits about you when both of you were manic at the same time. That could have ended badly, not just for you, but for the potential child that would be conceived from it if you didn't turn her down and the contraception failed. Also, things could have been even further complicated if you got an STD to deal with on top of it.

This is one of those times where I don't think you're overthinking. The scenario you described about the kids living in poverty with mentally ill parents sounds like nightmare fuel to me too. If I had kids, they would end up in a very similar situation. Depending on who the mother was, they might be lucky enough to have one mentally stable parent (and it definitely wouldn't be me).

 

[Celerity]

As a woman, I just don't get the appeal of sleeping with a rando, male or female. Men make me hesitate even more though because of the physical strength difference and the risks you mention. My parents had me and my brother by mistake, and that turned out like shit. Children should be wanted, not burdens.

 

[hamvil]

In the last months I have made a few risky choices regarding to sex.

 

[summers]

This dilemma concerns especially men who are into women. For women it might be a problem but they have more control over the situation.

I have an acquaintance. She is bipolar and very promiscuous. Sometimes when we both were manic we kind of flirted. But I would never agree on a partnership. She showed some interest in the past but I blocked it. She is not sane. She is often very delusional.
I have heard some sex stories of her.

It is rather a hypothetical scenario. I think she sleeps with many men when she is manic. She even went to swinger clubs and similar places as far as I know. And she looks quite good. If she had interest in a one night stand with me what would I do? I have to say I would not do if for various reasons.

I am not sure if she has STDs. Could be true if she really sleeps with so many men especially I assume she does not really care about contraception when she is manic.

I am kind of conservative in this instance. But I don't know I could change my view on it. I rather think I might be a person who develops feelings very fast. And this might be counterproductive.

She is not fully sane. This might be the main argument. It would feel like taking advantage of her when she is manic. But seemingly other men don't care. Though I think many don't really know her illness. But it should be obvious. Okay I think some thought she would just be on drugs. But is this really better?

Now I come to my second main argument. What if she becomes pregnant? I know her stance on abortion and she is against it. Not sure how ideological. But she once told me she could not kill such a child. Yeah this is a big warning sign for me not even to consider the option. We are both genetically pretty fucked with a family full of mental illness. I think the likelihood when two people with bipolar and psychosis procreate is very high the kid gets it too. Moreover we both absolutely don't have control about our own lives. This children would never have parents with a job, would live probably forever in poverty, one parent would seriously consider to kill himself which could trigger the hereditary illness in the child etc.

Honestly this is such a nightmarish scenario. I would hate myself forever having done something like that. This would be by far the worst thing I had ever done.
So I am curious if others of you also thought about such a hypothetical scenario. Contraception can fail. That is not that seldom. And if the woman you sleep with is fundamentally against abortions.... Yeah you have fucked up. I am not able to care for myself, I don't can handle my own problems and I need a lot of support. The best thing would be to give to children to a healthy family. But you often can not determine that.

Such a scenario is for me in general a good argument against one-night stands. I would have to know what stance the woman on abortion had. Could imagine this could ruin the whole thing.
Maybe I am just overthinking. But I had a huge portion of bad luck in my life. I often expect the worst.

What do you think about this?

If you decide to have sex with her, use a condom with a spermicide and get a lube with spermicide. Don't cum in her vag, even with a condom on. That's pretty much 100% safe. I would also use a condom because you don't want to become a petri - there's a lot more to worry about than just HIV.

But, please don't have sex with her if you feel like you'd be taking advantage of her. It may be fun at the time, but you will wind up hating yourself for it (unless you're a sociopath).

As far as me, got that vasectomy when I was 19 and never looked back. Best thing you can do.

 

[lofticries]

If you have to ask or debate with yourself on this you shouldn't have sex with her. Simple as that. The cons out weigh the pros.

Ontopic: procreation isn't the only thing one should worry about when having sex. Stds exist and even if I did have my tubes tide I would never have condomless sex with a stranger.

 

[theboy]

Umm, that's a pretty weird question, don't you think?

 

[Celerity]

Umm, that's a pretty weird question, don't you think?

OP is trying to justify risky sex with an unstable, promiscuous person. I'm thirsty AF right now, so I get it, but that's what's going on.

 

[theboy]

OP is trying to justify risky sex with an unstable, promiscuous person. I'm thirsty AF right now, so I get it, but that's what's going on.

Thanks for clarifying I hope you get rid of your thirst

 

[Celerity]

Thanks for clarifying I hope you get rid of your thirst

Haha, me too. Exhilarating at first, but it gets old after a while.

 

[theboy]

It is a cycle. Very thirsty - Not thirsty ... so on

 

[Ashu]

If you decide to have sex with her, use a condom with a spermicide and get a lube with spermicide. Don't cum in her vag, even with a condom on.

That's ridiculous. The point of the condom is that you can come in her. You have to leave something of the experience, or what's the point.

 

[summers]

That's ridiculous. The point of the condom is that you can come in her. You have to leave something of the experience, or what's the point.

There's two other places you can cum.

 

[noname223]

OP is trying to justify risky sex with an unstable, promiscuous person. I'm thirsty AF right now, so I get it, but that's what's going on.

Not really I don't justify it. You are simply wrong. It is just an ethical dilemma which I am interested in analyzing.

I explicitly emphasized that her mental state is for me a main argument that sexual intercourse would be immoral. I don't understand why you accuse me despite the fact I argumented against it. The real interesting question is the one about pregnancy. I just thought this would be a good example. Moreover it asks the queston about free will which is often related to mental illness.

I think me and her are both mentally unstable. And why should it be bad to sleep with someone who is promiscous when it is the free will of the person? In your listing (in the reply I quoted) it sounds like that. The fact she is unstable is a good argument against it but this is exactly what I wrote in my first post.

 

[Teddybear]

Have you watched the news lately? The governments of our world are stuffed to the brink with totally "sane" people, most of them got officially elected, and they do nothing but outright crazy sh1t 24/7/365.

As messed up as they are you and your potential offspring would first have to become.

So getting (someone) pregnant should be the least of your worries.

The only issue that matters is that of legal consent - and is at least one of you stable enough to raise them kids well?

For in the end that's the only thing that matters: Don't punish your kids for your shortcomings. All else is secondary.

 

[freedompass]

This post hits horribly close to home for me as I pretty much have been your unstable manic friend at times in the past. Thankfully I was never against abortion. I have PTSD from everything that went on. It's good to hear that you, OP as well as others in the thread understand better than to take advantage of a mentally ill person. I was extremely vulnerable and those who should have protected me, including at the psych ward, totally failed to. I have one child as a result of this time. It's always so hard to talk about for fear of judgment and just because another human being is involved who is only here on this hellhole planet because of me.

 

[Teddybear]

This post hits horribly close to home for me as I pretty much have been your unstable manic friend at times in the past. Thankfully I was never against abortion. I have PTSD from everything that went on. It's good to hear that you, OP as well as others in the thread understand better than to take advantage of a mentally ill person. I was extremely vulnerable and those who should have protected me, including at the psych ward, totally failed to. I have one child as a result of this time. It's always so hard to talk about for fear of judgment and just because another human being is involved who is only here on this hellhole planet because of me.

The planet isn't a hellhole, but some people spend a lot of time digging holes to hell all over the place.

Its good that you are in this thread and acknowledge your condition. I wish my mom could have ever found the courage to admit to herself - and to me - what damage her depressions caused to my soul.

Trust me: Children can forgive their parents a lot - if they are asked to do so.

Talk to your kid about your condition and when you do something you regret later on, then tell him/her that you are sorry.

Shame is the evil ghost lurking in the shadows. Don't ever allow it to poison the relation between you and your kid.

 

[freedompass]

The planet isn't a hellhole, but some people spend a lot of time digging holes to hell all over the place.

Its good that you are in this thread and acknowledge your condition. I wish my mom could have ever found the courage to admit to herself - and to me - what damage her depressions caused to my soul.

Trust me: Children can forgive their parents a lot - if they are asked to do so.

Talk to your kid about your condition and when you do something you regret later on, then tell him/her that you are sorry.

Shame is the evil ghost lurking in the shadows. Don't ever allow it to poison the relation between you and your kid.

Thanks for replying. To clarify, I'm 60 now and my son is 26. I have apologised to him many many times over the years. He's estranged himself now after living at my mum's place for 7 years. That was a shockingly toxic and mutually abusive, awful situation. He refused to even see me face to face after the first 2. Yet, in time honoured family tradition, appears to believe he knows exactly who I am. If he wants to learn one day that is great. If not. His decision, at this point I am detached. Sorry to hear about your mother. My mum is a person with no accountability, empathy or love. She is also a queen of denial so I get it.

 

[Teddybear]

…
Sorry to hear about your mother. My mum is a person with no accountability, empathy or love. She is also a queen of denial so I get it.

Very sorry to hear about your son not wanting to make peace with you.

My mom got lots of "love" to offer but it isn't free. Like a typical orphan she mistrusts the world as a whole and yes that includes specifically me - her own son.

So for *every* good deed she gives she expects some in return. And if she calls on you and you are not there for here on the snap off a finger, she takes it as a personal betrayal. No excuses or explanations accepted. And her memory for real or imaged betrayals is like an elephant's. So you will inevitably run awfoul of her sooner or later and she *never* forgives.

Once I stayed at my mom's as a man in my early fourties, because I was in between projects. My mother never had many friends and at that time there was only 1 left. That woman was visiting her and with me sitting in the next room, the door half open, my mom went on and on telling her friend stories about "sons that disappoint their mothers and are just a huge failure in life".

The thing is that I was on a roll careerwise at that time, bringing in more in a month than my mother used to earn after taxes in an entire year. But she went on for *hours* about what a miserable son I had been to her. What an utter dissapointment.

So I finally stormed out of the flat and went to spend the night with my cousin. I returned back the next day to pick up my stuff and to tell my mom that I wouldn't talk to her again until she accepted that I was not responsible for whatever she thought went wrong in *her* life.

She was sitting in the middle of the living room, rotating like a buzzing top, making strange humming sounds, like a broken piece of machinery. She let me finish my little speech, then slightly turned her head towards me and said: "I am always ready to accept your apology". Then she turned back again to resume her rotating humming routine.

That was and is and always will be "my mommie dearest". :(

 

[freedompass]

Oh wow. Rotating humming? Was she sitting on a rotating chair? That's an odd image. And oh man that's awful, you have my deepest sympathy. My mum can't apologise for shit, she's never in the wrong. Sounds like you were pretty patient and really tried. I tried too. They are always the injured party. Interesting that you mention your mom being an orphan. I feel like one and my son does too…mum was packed off to boarding school at 4 then evacuated to America for the duration of WW2. An experience probably akin to being put in foster care (tho not unusual at the time). Last time I saw her, a week ago, I realised she is sick. There is no reasoning with her, she expertly cuts you off and shuts you down every time. Maybe she resents me or is jealous on some level that I didn't sacrifice all my emotions, empathy or ability to be accountable for what I do. Socrates said 'the unexamined life is not worth living'. Despite supposedly having been neurotypical all her life and mostly cheerful on the surface, extreme old age seems to have hit her hard. Why would she want to alienate me so thoroughly at this point. I may end up doing what you did and just leaving her to it. Just no relationship, no understanding, feel like I'm done.

 

[Teddybear]

Oh wow. Rotating humming? Was she sitting on a rotating chair?
…
Despite supposedly having been neurotypical all her life and mostly cheerful on the surface, extreme old age seems to have hit her hard. Why would she want to alienate me so thoroughly at this point. I may end up doing what you did and just leaving her to it. Just no relationship, no understanding, feel like I'm done.

She was sitting on the floor, moving her upper body in an exact circular motion. Like an exotic monk, reciting an intense prayer.

I don't like phrases like "neurotypical", "cisgender" a.s.o. I know its supposed to make the not-normal folks feel better about themselves by giving the normals a label of their own to chew on.

But I dropped my believe in feeling better by hurting others when I mobbed *my* last victim as a 10 year old child. The others kept mobbing me and that has burned itself into my inner circuitry forever. But what difference would it make if I turned around and bestowed the same "favor" on some innocent bystander?

And playing with words has never caused anything but hurt in my life.

So let the Normals be called normal. I/we are not, we are "unusual" ;)

 

[freedompass]

Uh, ok. You think that calling people neurotypical hurts them in some way. Playing with words can be a lot of fun. Why should we get to feel like the 'unusual' ones all the time. Not sure what you mean about the mobbing.

 

[Teddybear]

Uh, ok. You think that calling people neurotypical hurts them in some way. Playing with words can be a lot of fun. Why should we get to feel like the 'unusual' ones all the time. Not sure what you mean about the mobbing.

I know that I don't like it when I am being reffered to as "cisgender" and "typical" is often used in an accusatory setting: "You're just such a typical …"

In Germany they call it Mobbing and I forgot the US-English phrase for that differs. But "bullying" really doesn't cut it, unless that term includes your fellow classmates trying to shove you off the school's roof to test if "a n*gger makes a brown spot when he hits the pavement".

And I wonder to this day if I would.

 

[freedompass]

I know what mobbing is. I just had no idea where you were going with that story or how it related to me using the word neurotypical. Not sure why you feel the need to censor and take issue with perfectly neutral words that I've chosen to use. I've said nothing offensive so what is your beef? You come across quite patronising and if you love this planet so much and believe all suffering is self inflicted maybe you're on the wrong forum.

 

[Teddybear]

I know what mobbing is. I just had no idea where you were going with that story or how it related to me using the word neurotypical. Not sure why you feel the need to censor and take issue with perfectly neutral words that I've chosen to use. I've said nothing offensive so what is your beef? You come across quite patronising and if you love this planet so much and believe all suffering is self inflicted maybe you're on the wrong forum.

I wasn't trying to censor you in *any* way. I just wrote that *I* don't like using words which I know would only widen the gap between me and the other side.

If I sat down with a completely "normal" dude and started the conversation by telling him that he was "neurotypical" I'd spend (or waste) the next half hour trying to explain to him why that term was not meant to be offensive.

So why go to all that trouble? If you like it that way fine, but I simply wrote that I don't. I want to get the other guy's appreciation, not his anomosity. I could get that in under 10 seconds for free.

And I *never* said that "all suffering is self inflicted", quite the opposite. If you can't stand people having a different oppinion on hot button subjects, then maybe you are in the wrong forum.

PS: Since when has "loving the planet" become objectionable? Not that I would, for a planet is just a ball of matter in empty space. I would love to enjoy the world we live in if I could, but even that doesn't strike me as "offensive" in any way.

 

[freedompass]

Ok, just to clarify. You took issue with my saying hellhole planet. That's *my* view so why are you contradicting it. Maybe next time you could say 'I don't see it as a hellhole' to be a little less contentious? Just respect another person's views, what you are accusing me of not doing? Then you seem to be trying to draw some analogy between the use of the word neurotypical, with being violently mobbed as a child. Now you want to set up a ridiculous straw man, as if I'm gonna sit down with someone with no mental health diagnoses and accuse him or her of being neurotypical. It's just a shorthand word that is widely used to denote people with no mental health diagnoses (please note, I don't say mental health problems because they may very well have). So saying 'normal' is so much better is it? For whom? It appears you, like me, have a diagnosis of bipolar. If you want to label yourself as 'unusual' that's fine with me but for many reasons I would not. As my mum's case amply illustrates 'normal' is a meaningless term as she is probably sicker than I am. Yet never been diagnosed or sought help. I just think you are waaay overreacting to a word which is convenient and while not ideal, at least carries more meaning than 'normal' or 'normie'. Leaping from that to talk about violent mobbing is just bizarre. Think about context and where we are.

How about letting people use the words they want to use unless they are actual slurs or hate speech?

 

[Teddybear]

Ok, just to clarify. You took issue with my saying hellhole planet. That's *my* view so why are you contradicting it. Maybe next time you could say 'I don't see it as a hellhole' to be a little less contentious? Just respect another person's views, what you are accusing me of not doing? Then you seem to be trying to draw some analogy between the use of the word neurotypical, with being violently mobbed as a child. Now you want to set up a ridiculous straw man, as if I'm gonna sit down with someone with no mental health diagnoses and accuse him or her of being neurotypical. It's just a shorthand word that is widely used to denote people with no mental health diagnoses (please note, I don't say mental health problems because they may very well have). So saying 'normal' is so much better is it? For whom? It appears you, like me, have a diagnosis of bipolar. If you want to label yourself as 'unusual' that's fine with me but for many reasons I would not. As my mum's case amply illustrates 'normal' is a meaningless term as she is probably sicker than I am. Yet never been diagnosed or sought help. I just think you are waaay overreacting to a word which is convenient and while not ideal, at least carries more meaning than 'normal' or 'normie'. Leaping from that to talk about violent mobbing is just bizarre. Think about context and where we are.

How about letting people use the words they want to use unless they are actual slurs or hate speech?

Me seeing things differently is not the same as "taking issue with how *you* see things".

I hope you are not seriously expecting 100% agreement to everything you post, because that would turn the conversation very one sided.

So how about this? I just ignore your posts from here on out and you return the same favor to me?

For it seems unless I give you a total thumbs up on anything you say, you'll always feel insulted or provoked. And I just don't feel like posting "yeah, you're right about that!" all the time.


PS: Since I've met good people who *are* happy on this planet, I know it can't be hell in its entirety. For only the Devil and his demons are happy in that pit - if they even know what "happy" truly means.

 

[freedompass]

You are free to do whatever you like. I don't have a problem stating how I feel and why. I don't feel a need to put you on ignore. It's a non issue.

 

[Teddybear]

You are free to do whatever you like. I don't have a problem stating how I feel and why. I don't feel a need to put you on ignore. It's a non issue.

It still think that's the best option because I didn't come here to argue. And you didn't simply state your feelings, but you keep having an issue with me stating mine about the subject matter you mentioned.

So if I am not to talk about stuff you do - unless I state my agreement to you - what else but pushing "Ignore" is there left to do?!