Recently I really started enjoying playing videogames. Mostly league of legends, sometimes some offline masterpiece like hollow knite, outer wilds or ultrakill. It was getting harder and harder to keep enjoying it with my depression and anhedonia. But weed and 2cb (mild psychadelic) realy helped me to get past that and be completely reset the novelty. I feared it makes me into junkie, but it's more like the opposite. And at worse if I build tollerance I can take break for a week and I'm back to baseline. When I play I'm super focused, creative and instead of playing just for rank I play for fun.
I might not ever have a girlfriend. Almost no friends or social life. Many people look down on me for not being successful, having high paying job or much status or for my social anxiety and it used to make me feel so bad. But now I'm finally able not to give a shit.
Yes life is shit and I'm as unlucky as it gets, it can be incerdibly sad and painful. But if I imagine it as a glass with a drop of cocacola. I can either focus on the vast emptiness or take the drop of cola and enjoy it as much as possible. Becuase what causes me to not be able to enjoy stuff like videogames is mostly because it can make person feel guilty and you think what others would think, am I doing enough, shouldn't I be better, shouldn't I do something more important.
I say fuck it all! Enjoy it anyways! Who cares about toxic people think. So many people are so full of shit and act super important. They spend most time just status signaling and thinking about hierarchy in their friendsgroup (although they are not self aware they are even doing it) instead of having fun. Who cares! You wanna be a gamer be a gamer, it might piss off some girls that only care about make up and clothes, but that's just bonus
In my belive system I'd say my conciousness probably survives in some form for ever. Because whether is caused by energy or mass, time is infinite(kinda) so eventually the same atoms forming my brain will in few trillions years be brain of some 4d alien or what. So I think life is simply an endless ride with tremendous suffering. But you can either cry about it or giggle like a happy idiot and focus on the good stuff. One of those options is clearly better.
I like my job even if its not most high paying, I like working out, like gaming and walks. I'm cool, happy and devilishly handsome xd, what more is there to want :)
I might not ever have a girlfriend. Almost no friends or social life. Many people look down on me for not being successful, having high paying job or much status or for my social anxiety and it used to make me feel so bad. But now I'm finally able not to give a shit.
Yes life is shit and I'm as unlucky as it gets, it can be incerdibly sad and painful. But if I imagine it as a glass with a drop of cocacola. I can either focus on the vast emptiness or take the drop of cola and enjoy it as much as possible. Becuase what causes me to not be able to enjoy stuff like videogames is mostly because it can make person feel guilty and you think what others would think, am I doing enough, shouldn't I be better, shouldn't I do something more important.
I say fuck it all! Enjoy it anyways! Who cares about toxic people think. So many people are so full of shit and act super important. They spend most time just status signaling and thinking about hierarchy in their friendsgroup (although they are not self aware they are even doing it) instead of having fun. Who cares! You wanna be a gamer be a gamer, it might piss off some girls that only care about make up and clothes, but that's just bonus
In my belive system I'd say my conciousness probably survives in some form for ever. Because whether is caused by energy or mass, time is infinite(kinda) so eventually the same atoms forming my brain will in few trillions years be brain of some 4d alien or what. So I think life is simply an endless ride with tremendous suffering. But you can either cry about it or giggle like a happy idiot and focus on the good stuff. One of those options is clearly better.
I like my job even if its not most high paying, I like working out, like gaming and walks. I'm cool, happy and devilishly handsome xd, what more is there to want :)
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