im a shit student

[firewoodduck]

I've had fucking forever to study for my chem exam, not it's 2AM the night before and i haven't even covered 1/4 of what i need to. I never learned this shit properly he first time so I'm basically learning it all for the first time rn.

I've come so close to relaspsing on sh so many nights these past two weeks, the only thing stopping me is that I'm a fucking coward and too scared to do it. idk what to do. To quiet the urge I've been pouring candle wax on my hands. It started as dipping a pen in it and dabbing little dots, then progressed to tipping the candle over and pouring the melted wax directly. Maybe this counts as relapsing, idfk

I never learned how to study in elementary cuz i was naturally bright but that doesn't work for me anymore.

I'm such a fucking disappointment, to myself, to my parents, to my teachers who do fucking everything to cut me slack

I don't wanna live if I'm just gonna be like this. I'm pulling an all-nighter so I can't even hope to pass in my sleep, maybe all the caffeine I've had will stop my heart and I won't have to write this stupid fucking exam.

 

[loveable_lamb]

Oh I get how you feel. Never learned to study either because it just came naturally until it didn't.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's okay to fail an exam. With all that you're struggling with it's only natural that your academic life is suffering. Please take a break from school if you need to. No need to rush things if you're not feeling well

 

[uncat_]

im exactly like this too. i dont know what happens with all my time and suddenly, I rushing to understand concepts I should've known on day 1. its the main thing that makes me suicidal and have sh urges, and I keep falling back into that pattern every time an exam rolls around.
changing habits is hard, but not impossible, I think.

I have an exam in 5 days, and I need to catch up on my notes rn. fortunately, I'm in a bit of a better place than I was the last quarters, but I still feel like I'm drowning. but I still won't do anything I need to do.

something that's helped is getting disability accommodations with my college for exams and hw. i just have depression and anxiety, but that's good enough to count. maybe try that?

that won't help with the procrastination, but it can help for stress a bit.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You're not a "shit student". Are you sure studying is the right choice for you? Or is it more like you are kinda forced to study bc your parents want you to do it? And maybe your parents even kinda dictate the subject you have to succeed in?

 

[The_Hunter]

im exactly like this too. i dont know what happens with all my time and suddenly, I rushing to understand concepts I should've known on day 1. its the main thing that makes me suicidal and have sh urges, and I keep falling back into that pattern every time an exam rolls around.
changing habits is hard, but not impossible, I think.

I have an exam in 5 days, and I need to catch up on my notes rn. fortunately, I'm in a bit of a better place than I was the last quarters, but I still feel like I'm drowning. but I still won't do anything I need to do.

something that's helped is getting disability accommodations with my college for exams and hw. i just have depression and anxiety, but that's good enough to count. maybe try that?

that won't help with the procrastination, but it can help for stress a bit.

Best of luck with your exams!! Five days is totally enough, I hope studying is able to turn out well for each and every day of those 5 days.

(possible bit of advice)
Break things up into little parts, and handle every tiny little bit. Like if you want to study one subject, then split it up into like 10 tiny steps; for maximum ease and to minimize feeling like doing 1 embiggened incompletable thing. Then, if you find yourself being unable to do 1 or 2 steps--then realize that you're not feeling your best in that moment, and do something relaxing to restore your brain back to harmony. Then once you feel better you're in a better frame of mind to try working again.

It's OK to take breaks. Your sanity is the most important thing. For productivity, for life, for everything.

For us suicidals; sanity is of utmost cruciality. Please maintain yourself in this trying time of study as well. Best of luck, I promise you that you can do this.

Imagine this. Picture yourself studying well each day, handling any psychological stressors with adequate response and self-comforting--taking breaks as needed--and, ultimately, in the end--doing super well on your exams! "Playing this tape forwards" might help you see a clearer path forward and maybe even inspire more to try and find the hope to recreate [even just a version] of that in your own life.

Please take care of yourself in the finest of ways during this trying time of yours; the stress of an exam is no joke. It is hell for nigh everybody;--even the non-suicidal!--so know that it's valid to freak out over this. May you be able to keep the coherence you need in this stress best of luck ^^

 

[firewoodduck]

im exactly like this too. i dont know what happens with all my time and suddenly, I rushing to understand concepts I should've known on day 1. its the main thing that makes me suicidal and have sh urges, and I keep falling back into that pattern every time an exam rolls around.
changing habits is hard, but not impossible, I think.

I have an exam in 5 days, and I need to catch up on my notes rn. fortunately, I'm in a bit of a better place than I was the last quarters, but I still feel like I'm drowning. but I still won't do anything I need to do.

something that's helped is getting disability accommodations with my college for exams and hw. i just have depression and anxiety, but that's good enough to count. maybe try that?

that won't help with the procrastination, but it can help for stress a bit.

sorry for the late response, I've been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. I do already have accommodations like extra time and the ability to type instead of handwrite, but thank you for the suggestion. the accommodations do help a ton. I hope your exam went well for you, I find out if i've passed tomorrow

Oh I get how you feel. Never learned to study either because it just came naturally until it didn't.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's okay to fail an exam. With all that you're struggling with it's only natural that your academic life is suffering. Please take a break from school if you need to. No need to rush things if you're not feeling well

thank for your response, i'm mostly scared of my parents response to my result. ik this isn't the end and ik there are ways out but they won't see it that way

You're not a "shit student". Are you sure studying is the right choice for you? Or is it more like you are kinda forced to study bc your parents want you to do it? And maybe your parents even kinda dictate the subject you have to succeed in?

honestly at this point idk. I like chem and the sciences in general which makes it more frustrating when I can't put in the work to do well in them. My parents fs dictate what I do for post secondary, their focus is me doing something that will make me money, which is fair

 

[uncat_]

Best of luck with your exams!! Five days is totally enough, I hope studying is able to turn out well for each and every day of those 5 days.

(possible bit of advice)
Break things up into little parts, and handle every tiny little bit. Like if you want to study one subject, then split it up into like 10 tiny steps; for maximum ease and to minimize feeling like doing 1 embiggened incompletable thing. Then, if you find yourself being unable to do 1 or 2 steps--then realize that you're not feeling your best in that moment, and do something relaxing to restore your brain back to harmony. Then once you feel better you're in a better frame of mind to try working again.

It's OK to take breaks. Your sanity is the most important thing. For productivity, for life, for everything.

For us suicidals; sanity is of utmost cruciality. Please maintain yourself in this trying time of study as well. Best of luck, I promise you that you can do this.

Imagine this. Picture yourself studying well each day, handling any psychological stressors with adequate response and self-comforting--taking breaks as needed--and, ultimately, in the end--doing super well on your exams! "Playing this tape forwards" might help you see a clearer path forward and maybe even inspire more to try and find the hope to recreate [even just a version] of that in your own life.

Please take care of yourself in the finest of ways during this trying time of yours; the stress of an exam is no joke. It is hell for nigh everybody;--even the non-suicidal!--so know that it's valid to freak out over this. May you be able to keep the coherence you need in this stress best of luck ^^

unfortunately i've been coping really terribly with school. every time an exam rolls around the same cycle repeats itself. I'm doing a bit better than usual, bc i havent SHed and ive been better handling another bad coping mechanism. I've given up on this exam though, i can drop it, i just need to be better about being on top of things. thanks for the encouragement and kindness, though

 

[The_Hunter]

unfortunately i've been coping really terribly with school. every time an exam rolls around the same cycle repeats itself. I'm doing a bit better than usual, bc i havent SHed and ive been better handling another bad coping mechanism. I've given up on this exam though, i can drop it, i just need to be better about being on top of things. thanks for the encouragement and kindness, though

I'm glad you're doing a bit better than usual :)

I think you really do have it in you to be on top of things! You can do this! It's difficult, and it is--but it's possible, despite this.

It always seems impossible, until it's done.

--Nelson Mandela

Best of luck with the next exam, friend. A good student cares :)

Experiencing academic fuckupery from your own psychological struggles does not mean you're a bad student, it just means that the burden you bear is more than others, and struggle truly can make it hard to focus on things. This is difficult. I wish you best of luck, friend--hope you're feeling at least a little better than the day before :)