I'm afraid I'm going to let people hurt me again

[noaccount]

I'm afraid if I stay alive I'm going to let myself be pulled into abusive relationships again
or maybe worse, trick perfectly good people into thinking I'm happy with things so they'll want to be around me, self-medicate my way through sex to form relationships, never be able to actually communicate my boundaries or what I want.
It feels safer to focus on killing myself.

 

[Flume]

Find a mf that knows true pain, that guy won't hurt you again.

 

[RealLostSoul]

Find a mf that knows true pain, that guy won't hurt you again.

real words yo

 

[noaccount]

No offense but that's the worst and silliest thing I've ever been told

 

[Santiago]

'Perfectly good people' is an interesting statement.

I always make sure I know people their boundaries before I cross them. Especially in a relationship.

 

[Kassender]

Thats why its better to leave imo, if thats the best ill get

 

[MeltingHeart]

I'm afraid if I stay alive I'm going to let myself be pulled into abusive relationships again
or maybe worse, trick perfectly good people into thinking I'm happy with things so they'll want to be around me, self-medicate my way through sex to form relationships, never be able to actually communicate my boundaries or what I want.
It feels safer to focus on killing myself.

Do you think it you have learnt what pulled you into an abusive relationship before & how to avoid ( not victim blaming - I did the same!) so you won't go down that route- is there a way to avoid self medicating with sex (I'm sure this is fairly common in some ways) ...it seems sad to ctb because of being afraid of the future, especially if u have an awareness of the things that were happening tht were causing you pain - maybe u can learn how to avoid that ...obvs I know that is easier said than done...and I don't know the full story...but just because you have been through those things in the past...it doesn't always mean that pattern has to persist in the future... it just needs to be broken somehow. If that makes any sense. I'm scared if I say stuff like this on here others will jump down my throat as pro-life - I've seen it happen. I like to think I'm pro- exploring all possibilities & being totally pro-choice at the same time. Just don't think it always had to be the way some people respond to the problem- which is- yeah - def better to just ctb. As if that is always the ONLY answer. It's AN answer for sure. But not the only one. Sometimes maybe - but not always.

 

[noaccount]

Thank you all <3

Yeah good catch - of course I don't think any person is perfect - I meant more, people who would not willfully hurt me but who I would let do so without them knowing it was happening. Because it seemed easier or more pragmatic or something.

Right, it seems if I'm willing to think about ending my life, it should be easier and no scarier to try communicating with people about how we might want to relate differently than by the social models we've been given. And try again after that gets me mocked and dismissed. And try again after that gets me lied to and manipulated. And try again...
Well, maybe no easier, but maybe still more worthwhile.

 

[Final Escape]

I'm afraid if I stay alive I'm going to let myself be pulled into abusive relationships again
or maybe worse, trick perfectly good people into thinking I'm happy with things so they'll want to be around me, self-medicate my way through sex to form relationships, never be able to actually communicate my boundaries or what I want.
It feels safer to focus on killing myself.

Do u have access to YouTube? I think maybe u can educate yourself to avoid abusive people to an extent. I would not give up and kill yourself over this though. That would be very sad. I really think Richard Grannon is very good to watch if u want to learn about these issues. I really like a YouTube channel called finding freedom media also but it's kind of difficult to listen through because he explains in detail all the ways complex trauma shows up in relationships which can help u at least see what u might be doing wrong.

It's possible to heal yourself enough I think to have safer relationships and there is self therapy type courses that actually work. For some stuff u might need a therapist but there's a lot of it u can do on your own too. First I think it's important to learn about how to watch out for red flags of dangerous people. It's not as hard to figure this out early if u know what you are looking for and u can learn to trust your intuition and how u feel around someone. Another thing is to take things slow with people. Like don't have sex with someone you have not known at least three months because sex clouds your judgement. Sex really blurs things especially if it's amazing and you feel instantly addicted to someone because of it. Abusive types will try to pressure u into sex very quickly because they know this.

 

[puppy9]

Find a mf that knows true pain, that guy won't hurt you again.

Potential sociopath

 

[JellyDreams]

Abusive personalities are all the same.
Once you've seen some,you've seen them all.

Recognize the patterns.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I'm afraid if I stay alive I'm going to let myself be pulled into abusive relationships again
or maybe worse, trick perfectly good people into thinking I'm happy with things so they'll want to be around me, self-medicate my way through sex to form relationships, never be able to actually communicate my boundaries or what I want.
It feels safer to focus on killing myself.

You can go to therapy and figure all of that stuff out if you want to live. You will learn how to communicate and learn not how to let toxic people in your life. It feels like you don't love yourself enough or value yourself as much as you should. Maybe you can work on that. Best of luck.