Story Im afraid of myself

[favourite]

I think about my suicide as of something that has to be done. I'm sure it was predetermined since my birth and it's inevitable. My life is quite in ruins and I think that ctb will be the end of my story.

Lately I started losing hair due to some health problems and I thought I had to buzz this shit off, because it has to be done. I flirted with these thoughts for some time and one night I grabbed my clippers on the impulse and lo and behold, Im bald.

So Im afraid that one day my legs will lead me to the shooting range and I will end it all on the impulse, because better now than later, but Im not prepared yet...Im afraid I'll do it before I make all the arrangements, because it has to be done and I'll do it anyway...

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Sometimes i feel like this too that my mind is powerful and i do things on impulse....
its like when the thought enters my head and i cant control myself and i just do things which afterwards i feel guilty and humiliated i feel there someone else iñside me a stronger person who is fearless

but the rest of the times i just feel pike a sad helpless bitch who needs to be put out of misery...

try take ur time make the plan and when the time is right exacute that plan i usually find it works for me like that but when i get the feeling i cant control it

 

[Youthanasia]

As someone with some illegal/hideous opinions, I blame depression

It's all deeply related I guess. You lose hair, you feel bad, you shave your head, that helps in a way I can not specify but its possible to tell how, it was either transgression or the logical idea that you're losing that hair anyway, might as well work on a style in advance.

Walking in shooting range? Man, I have to say, I'm familiar with the feeling. It's pretty violent in here depending on the streets but i never got robbed a single time in my life. Prpbably wouldnt be here to post this if I were once.

 

[headinghome]

Reading these posts just makes me really sad that anyone has to suffer like this… That we all have to suffer to such a great extent ....I used to think I understood the world even with the suffering but things beyond my control pulled the rug out from under my life… This is it my life anymore I don't recognize any of it… I only recognize the suffering I see on this site and I wish it wasn't so....

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

It is bad all the mind torture we have to endure the feeling that everyone is against us that they want to hurt us if only some people knew how we hurt ourselves more than they can imagine.....

I feel ye are been honest but i want to trust someone who is here i dont want to feel alone in this world anymore i want to be loved....

As someone with some illegal/hideous opinions, I blame depression

It's all deeply related I guess. You lose hair, you feel bad, you shave your head, that helps in a way I can not specify but its possible to tell how, it was either transgression or the logical idea that you're losing that hair anyway, might as well work on a style in advance.

Walking in shooting range? Man, I have to say, I'm familiar with the feeling. It's pretty violent in here depending on the streets but i never got robbed a single time in my life. Prpbably wouldnt be here to post this if I were once.

Any chance you could blow my head off at that shooting range i can be no1 target??

 

[Youthanasia]

Reading these posts just makes me really sad that anyone has to suffer like this… That we all have to suffer to such a great extent ....I used to think I understood the world even with the suffering but things beyond my control pulled the rug out from under my life… This is it my life anymore I don't recognize any of it… I only recognize the suffering I see on this site and I wish it wasn't so....

I mean surely it sucks but knowing your darker you can be a good thing especially if you don't ctb at all.

No need to be so blue, too. My life is garbage and I have it coming but I don't restrict myself from joking around for no reason. Why? Explosive inflammatory diarrhea of a senior squirrel in a plate seasoned with basil and black peppercorn, that's why.

 

[headinghome]

It is bad all the mind torture we have to endure the feeling that everyone is against us that they want to hurt us if only some people knew how we hurt ourselves more than they can imagine.....

I feel ye are been honest but i want to trust someone who is here i dont want to feel alone in this world anymore i want to be loved....

Any chance you could blow my head off at that shooting range i can be no1 target??

You aren't alone… There are many that feel the same way… We all want to feel loved and accepted..... sometimes it feels like you'll never find anyone… But on the other hand I think that you need to have a little bit of hope… Having hope is in your control… I also don't think that everyone is evil… I think there is goodness in the world sometimes it's hard to see … I hope you find some peace I hope you find some love… I hope you aren't hurting… I hope you can see your way out of the dark tunnel

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

You aren't alone… There are many that feel the same way… We all want to feel loved and accepted..... sometimes it feels like you'll never find anyone… But on the other hand I think that you need to have a little bit of hope… Having hope is in your control… I also don't think that everyone is evil… I think there is goodness in the world sometimes it's hard to see … I hope you find some peace I hope you find some love… I hope you aren't hurting… I hope you can see your way out of the dark tunnel

I think ur right i need to try and have hope.....thank you for ur kind words....i hope the same for u

 

[favourite]

As someone with some illegal/hideous opinions, I blame depression

It's all deeply related I guess. You lose hair, you feel bad, you shave your head, that helps in a way I can not specify but its possible to tell how, it was either transgression or the logical idea that you're losing that hair anyway, might as well work on a style in advance.

Walking in shooting range? Man, I have to say, I'm familiar with the feeling. It's pretty violent in here depending on the streets but i never got robbed a single time in my life. Prpbably wouldnt be here to post this if I were once.

Yeah,it was like 'Im gonna lose my hair anyway but if I buzz it off before they are gone I can delude myself that I have some sort of control over it'.