Hi! It's been a long time since i've been here. It's been a little under 2 months but it's feels like a lot. Some background, so you have a clear picture of me. I'm a 22 yr old Somali guy born and raised in Sweden. I work part time and have taken a break from my studies due to my grades and worsening anxiety and ability to focus. Now, last time I was here, I talked about upping my antidepressant (Zoloft/sertraline) from 100mg - 150mg.
The adjustment period was hard but I got through it and felt better. That was late December, around the time i left this forum thinking I would never return. Kinda funny thinking about it now, I really felt like I was on the top of the world. How far I've fallen, probably not that far, it was a delusion from the start thinking that pills would magically make my pathetic life better. It has "erased" the depression but I'm now stuck with no direction or desire to live. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I still struggle with my education tho I've made some progress sending in some assignment's and getting enough points to reenrol later on. I still work my shitty job, it has only been getting harder with understaffing. I have little motivation in life and no real hope and meaning for the future.
I'm still struggling with romantic relationships, I can't seem to find a lady that would like to be with me. I mostly attribute it to my looks but my personality is not that great either. So here I am, back where I started. I've thought about it and I think I'm done. I don't want to end up being a 30 yr old man in an apartment lonely with no significant other to experience life with as well as a job I don't really like but work just to fund my interests (which I barely have to begin with). But I'm in no rush to end myself. There's a few things I want to do before the end of my life.
I want to start picking up reading, I basically never read unless it's course literature/ for school assignments. But I've ordered to books I found interesting: Catcher in the rye and Fahrenheit 451. They'll be arriving soon. I also want to write a books myself someday. A story reflecting my childhood, experiences and hardships. I may be able to identify what went wrong with my life that way.
Once I'm done writing the book in like 1-2 years, I'll find an appropriate time and place, get my affairs in order and commit. I'll plan ahead to make sure I'm ready for it. So yeah, that's my life for the next two years. I'll read as much as I can, write on the side and live my life. When my book is done and it's been over two years, I'll set things in motion. I probably won't find a significant other during this time, I've sent 22 years without a partner. What is another 2 years gonna do. That's all I have to say, thank you if you've read this far!
The adjustment period was hard but I got through it and felt better. That was late December, around the time i left this forum thinking I would never return. Kinda funny thinking about it now, I really felt like I was on the top of the world. How far I've fallen, probably not that far, it was a delusion from the start thinking that pills would magically make my pathetic life better. It has "erased" the depression but I'm now stuck with no direction or desire to live. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I still struggle with my education tho I've made some progress sending in some assignment's and getting enough points to reenrol later on. I still work my shitty job, it has only been getting harder with understaffing. I have little motivation in life and no real hope and meaning for the future.
I'm still struggling with romantic relationships, I can't seem to find a lady that would like to be with me. I mostly attribute it to my looks but my personality is not that great either. So here I am, back where I started. I've thought about it and I think I'm done. I don't want to end up being a 30 yr old man in an apartment lonely with no significant other to experience life with as well as a job I don't really like but work just to fund my interests (which I barely have to begin with). But I'm in no rush to end myself. There's a few things I want to do before the end of my life.
I want to start picking up reading, I basically never read unless it's course literature/ for school assignments. But I've ordered to books I found interesting: Catcher in the rye and Fahrenheit 451. They'll be arriving soon. I also want to write a books myself someday. A story reflecting my childhood, experiences and hardships. I may be able to identify what went wrong with my life that way.
Once I'm done writing the book in like 1-2 years, I'll find an appropriate time and place, get my affairs in order and commit. I'll plan ahead to make sure I'm ready for it. So yeah, that's my life for the next two years. I'll read as much as I can, write on the side and live my life. When my book is done and it's been over two years, I'll set things in motion. I probably won't find a significant other during this time, I've sent 22 years without a partner. What is another 2 years gonna do. That's all I have to say, thank you if you've read this far!
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