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throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,446
I'm finally at my limit. I am actually very sad but a part of me is happy that I have no choice no but to go home. This life is a joke,that's all it is and it's not even funny. Sometimes I catch myself pretending that everything is ok but I know deep down that it is not. Everything is a stupid competition and it never ends. Some people want to see purpose in life but I just don't. There is no purpose. Life is pointless. Thats how I've always seen it. Life is a never ending fight and I am tired of fighting. I just want to stop existing. I can't imagine an existence without suffering and that's the reason I hate the idea of there being an afterlife. Recently people have really been pushing me to do it and I've been wondering if I will even be able to do it. That's what scares me. What if I will stand there unable to jump?
 
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C

creatureoflight

Mage
Jul 27, 2018
529
I'm finally at my limit. I am actually very sad but a part of me is happy that I have no choice no but to go home. This life is a joke,that's all it is and it's not even funny. Sometimes I catch myself pretending that everything is ok but I know deep down that it is not. Everything is a stupid competition and it never ends. Some people want to see purpose in life but I just don't. There is no purpose. Life is pointless. Thats how I've always seen it. Life is a never ending fight and I am tired of fighting. I just want to stop existing. I can't imagine an existence without suffering and that's the reason I hate the idea of there being an afterlife. Recently people have really been pushing me to do it and I've been wondering if I will even be able to do it. That's what scares me. What if I will stand there unable to jump?

People have been pushing you to ctb? That is pretty heartless imo of them. Please don't listen to such unempathetic people. It should be your own decision to do this! It is a final decision and is something you have to want 100%. If you're unable to jump, so what? Then go home and think about what you truly desire and if you want this and if yes, then you can find another method. It's not a failure. I get panic attacks on a ladder higher than 1m-so I couldn't jump at all
 
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D

Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
501
Relatable.

Life is shit and then you die. Why not just fast-forward to the end and skip all the years of pointless suffering? There's no meaning or greater purpose, everything dies in the end, even the universe will die someday and yet people act like they're fucking immortal, like this futility of everything doesn't concern them at all.
I feel like this must be some kind of a fucked up simulation, they throw you in and place bets - "how long till he kills himself?".
 
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throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,446
Relatable.

Life is shit and then you die. Why not just fast-forward to the end and skip all the years of pointless suffering? There's no meaning or greater purpose, everything dies in the end, even the universe will die someday and yet people act like they're fucking immortal, like this futility of everything doesn't concern them at all.
I feel like this must be some kind of a fucked up simulation, they throw you in and place bets - "how long till he kills himself?".

That's exactly it.
 
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suffering

suffering

Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
Aug 17, 2018
398
I feel like this must be some kind of a fucked up simulation, they throw you in and place bets - "how long till he kills himself?".
I also feel the same. Like there is someone up there mocking me and watching if I manage to escape.
 
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D

Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
501
Maybe suicide is the only way out of this hell, our only salvation. That's why we have to fight so hard to kill ourselves - society, family, our instincts, fear of failure, guilt, fear of afterlife - literally everything is against us. But if you die of natural causes you're forced to restart over and over again.

How horrible would that be... brain pls, stop...
 
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suffering

suffering

Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
Aug 17, 2018
398
But if you die of natural causes you're forced to restart over and over again.
Jessus Christ I also though about this. And I considered myself a very rational, empirical kind of person. Oh God...
 
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StarDust

StarDust

Mage
Aug 21, 2018
508
Maybe suicide is the only way out of this hell, our only salvation. That's why we have to fight so hard to kill ourselves - society, family, our instincts, fear of failure, guilt, fear of afterlife - literally everything is against us. But if you die of natural causes you're forced to restart over and over again.

How horrible would that be... brain pls, stop...
Oh dear god, that is a horrible thought!!! But one I have wondered myself....then I think, what if we are already dead and this is hell? But then again, I would have to believe in God to believe that one, although the term hell is really relative and this feels enough like hell already.

I say if there is a "god" it's a little boy looking down on us and we are his ants, and his magnifying glass is just aimed right at me all the time...
 
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Niko

Niko

Student
Oct 4, 2018
112
i'm curious to know what happened to the op here? because i find your post so relatable for me right now, i'm close too. i can't keep feeling this shitty and carry on, it's just fucking impossible.

i'm really curious to see what happened
 

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