iwantitover
Member
- Jun 19, 2025
- 13
When I was a child I dreamed of the American dream I wanted to move their eventually from northern Ireland to achieve the classic white picket fence wife 2 kids and a dog but as life went on year by year everything got worse after an event at age 10 changed my course for life permanently i was removed from my then mainstream school for a year after asking to leave to my parents i thought they'd put me in another normal school but after a year of non normal schooling i was put into a special ed school for my final year of primary thats elementary for Americans the first year was fine but when they put me in my first year of high school or secondary school thats when it fell apart i had no real friends began binge eating and gaining weight the worst event was being bullied for half the year by a former friend in my second year is whenever everything hit the fan my anger issues which is one of the reasons i left the pervious school became bad i got suspended multiple times got into fights and got called politically dangerous by my mother and therapist during this year i attempted suicide for the first time i was 13 by the end of this year i was fat miserable depressed and sucidel by the time my third year came about i was a mess and was extremely frustrated with the school as I wasn't getting an education but my parents didn't want to hear it neither did my social workers or therapists as they pretty much told me to shut up and deal with it towards the end of this school year I began to realise that I was socially i was isolated I had no friends outside of school and pretty much every opportunity I had I would play my xbox alone and binge eat I noticed how all my siblings at my age had friends outside of school and started to hang around the opposite gender I numerous times tried to get to know people outside of school they thought I was weird later that school year I was kicked our of two social clubs within two months because of violence towards other kids and staff this was just before the pandemic hit when that happened I began to become properly sucidel again during this time I actually became close to someone from my school who I'm still close to when the 4th year started this is when it went really really down hill my then best friend abandoned me for the bully who I mentioned earlier even though I had helped this same person when there parents were abusing them at this point my now current best friend left the school for a better one which I wasn't angry with him for and understood why he left our dump of a school after Christmas I was off school again I tried my second attempt via strangulation after this a couple of months later I finished in that school with no friends apart from the one that moved every day in that place sucked it was only when I was on the verge of a mental breakdown that I was finally removed by my social workers and put in a exam program with a local charity to help me get what is essentially half of a high school diploma what should have been my 5th year of high school or secondary school when that year of nothing exciting happening ended I ended up in the school as my only remaining friend at that time for what's called sixth form in the UK as well as an extra year for my special needs school this is when it really begins to crumble and sucidel ideation becomes bad by this time I had become badly effected by insomnia which was caused by me being taken off sleeping meds and not being put on new ones because of this I had a tendency to miss school by accident and my parents were annoyed and didn't get it my love life by this time was in tatters I was watching my peers some who were younger getting girlfriends and I was just awkwardly having to say I'd never kissed a girl by this time I was 17 this is now getting to one of the main reasons for me going to kill myself false allegations during this time I met someone from a local school near me via Instagram we began chatting and got along really well then she blocked me we over the next months or year or so made up multiple times but during this period the last time we talked she decided to double cross me and spread rumours to an entire 3 year groups which has I pretty sure to almost got me beat up in my neighbourhood and due to these issues I've had run ins with her school mates at different places this has also cost me friendships because she also knew the people but getting back to my story by the end of this school year I was seriously beginning to doubt my future and by the start of the following one I was becoming sucidel yet again my parents began talking about putting me into assisted living and moving me to a different town which I was annoyed about as I don't like that town and wasn't given a choice I was also told that I would probably have to get a train to most places which are expensive where I live and would be far away from friends during this year I also realised that I'm probably leaving school with no gcse exams which I was depressed About at the end of the year I was again depressed and hopeless now were coming to my life now and the mess of a year I've had by August of last I was broke I still am I have no job and my sanity is going fast by September of 2024 I was losing it my insomnia was constant with no signs of end my parents were frustrated because I was missing out on school I had started taking the public bus to school what I forgot to realise was the school of that girl was on the route and I was being set up to be beaten up thankfully I figured how to prevent that but It was a close call after this I became paranoid and had another two run ins with people she was potentially friends with after Christmas had passed I realised how actually screwed I was exam wise and tried to knuckle down looking back I wish I'd done more then in March something unexpected happened I met a girl from my gym and she actually brought light in she was amazing smart sarcastic pretty we had got to know each other for about a month we had
Alot in common music the gym humor gaming then we dated for a month but then she ended it I miss her every day
Her smile her stupid looking glasses her piercing green eyes her hugs and her kisses the way she smiled when she saw me this broke Me I said screw it and attempted but made the mistake of trying to contact a friend to say goodbye but he saw the message and convinced Me down after this my mom died less than a week later she was the only one who was getting me through the breakup and she was no longer there ever since I've tried to commit about 5 times and on one attempt my ex called the cops to stop me since I've written notes for everyone close to me including my now ex I can't go on with this going through this pretty much made me realise life is pointless has no meaning I'm done.
Alot in common music the gym humor gaming then we dated for a month but then she ended it I miss her every day
Her smile her stupid looking glasses her piercing green eyes her hugs and her kisses the way she smiled when she saw me this broke Me I said screw it and attempted but made the mistake of trying to contact a friend to say goodbye but he saw the message and convinced Me down after this my mom died less than a week later she was the only one who was getting me through the breakup and she was no longer there ever since I've tried to commit about 5 times and on one attempt my ex called the cops to stop me since I've written notes for everyone close to me including my now ex I can't go on with this going through this pretty much made me realise life is pointless has no meaning I'm done.
