Venting I’m genuinely freaking out

[427grsmi]

I was meant to die a while ago, but unfortunately it failed. I can feel myself slipping back into the same spot, and I just want to get it over with so I don't keep recovering just to fall back to where I started.

There's one littleee problem though

My period is later than usual. Sometimes it's a day or two late but usually it's on time, but it's nearly 2 weeks late now, and there is a chance I could be pregnant.
The father doesn't know I could be pregnant because I have a genetic issue that makes it hard to conceive without medical help. He wants kids one day, but knows that we aren't ready and we can't afford the medical help to conceive. Fuck, he doesn't even know how I feel, he just knows I have a past of cutting.

I don't want to take a test as I live with my parents and my dumbass will leave the test somewhere for them to see, and they'll scold me for being unwed as they are strictly religious.

Would you consider it selfish for me to kill myself knowing there could be a baby in me, and knowing my partner would want to keep it? I guess I'll update you on what I decide if anyone responds, I just would like a 2nd opinion ykwim?

 

[Odwin]

It is selfish, but it's the situation which requires to be selfish. I mean, it is your life and living for other is kinda stupid.
Wouldn't even think about to be feeling bad about.

Furthermore, no one expects to be pregnant since you have some kind of condition.

 

[Rain&dark]

Go out somewhere and do a test. I think you need to know. It sounds like you could be.
Plus how soon are you planning to CTB? The further into a pregnancy the more developed a baby will become with a heartbeat from 6 weeks.
Maybe this is a wonderful opportunity to have a child seeing as you thought you might not be able to. This could be a sign that you are meant to stay in this world with a beautiful gift - your child xx

 

[SadRatQueen]

If you're able, try doing a pregnancy test at a pharmacy bathroom. Just buy a box, typically comes with 2 tests, and go straight to their bathroom Juno style.
From there, it's really up to you. Did you ever want children? Do you want to bring a child into this world while contemplating ctb? What does your support system look like if you were in fact to have a child? Do know that no matter what you decide, it is your choice and your choice only.

 

[Depressive_Thoughts]

Yeah, just like some friends there well pointed it out, you should definitelly be sure about your pregnancy state by taking a proper test. Its cheap and can rule out any other possibility, giving you sure about your current situation regarding it....