I have nobody I can tell in my real life, but I feel like I need to tell someone. I know my family doesn't want me to do this. I know it will hurt my children. But I just can't keep going on like this. I'm always angry and cruel to my family. I dont know why. They dont do anything to deserve it. And I know they won't see it the way I do, but this is better for them in the long run.
I cant live with the guilt of my youngest being born disabled. I blame myself and the guilt is crushing me. They have a whole community who will be there to support them and lift them up and I am so grateful. They are such amazing children, I know that im not dropping them on someone else. I'm freeing them from me.
I'm not looking for pity. I know that im worthless. I always have. I've tried to change, I truly have, and it never sticks. I deserve this. I'm not a victim. I'm a disease. It gives me comfort to know that the world will be a little bit brighter with me gone. Thank you for reading this, and thank you everyone who commented on my last thread. I appreciate the advice and kind words. I hope you all can find happiness and peace.
I cant live with the guilt of my youngest being born disabled. I blame myself and the guilt is crushing me. They have a whole community who will be there to support them and lift them up and I am so grateful. They are such amazing children, I know that im not dropping them on someone else. I'm freeing them from me.
I'm not looking for pity. I know that im worthless. I always have. I've tried to change, I truly have, and it never sticks. I deserve this. I'm not a victim. I'm a disease. It gives me comfort to know that the world will be a little bit brighter with me gone. Thank you for reading this, and thank you everyone who commented on my last thread. I appreciate the advice and kind words. I hope you all can find happiness and peace.
