Venting I’m in so much pain

[BlueButterfly111]

5 days, I have 5 days left until I attempt to ctb and guess what? That's too much time left. The only reason why I'm staying for 5 more days is because I'm trying to wait until after Mother's Day for the sake of my mom. I literally hate her for this, I know it's so evil but I hate the fact that I love her enough to wait. But it literally irritates me.

I'm so horny, I'm so depressed, I'm around people that are mean to me and abuse me and I can't be left alone. People are so fucking selfish and cruel I'm so fucking tired of being around humans. I'm so horny all the time, I miss my dead boyfriend and cannot satisfy myself.

Nobody on this site ever responds, it's like crying out into the void. I understand though that there's nothing you can say to this, and I should be embarrassed because I just want attention.

I just masturbated and it was awful. It was weird because I came but it didn't feel good? I think it's because I kept hearing the noise of the people around me while I was trying to satisfy myself in my room and it turns me off. I know I shouldn't post this on the internet but I'm in so much pain.

I miss my dead boyfriend so much, I miss Henry, I can't live without him. Please help me get through the next 5 days. I feel like I'm struggling to hold on. I'm tired of all of the fucking noise of humans talking about nothing.

 

[TitianCashew26]

God, that's rough. How are you planning to CTB?

 

[BlueButterfly111]

God, that's rough. How are you planning to CTB?

Sn

 

[s00ngone]

I'm so, so sorry. Being ridiculously horny while being suicidal is an experience I thought made me uniquely despicable, but I see it's a pain that we share. I can't relate to the suffering of losing your boyfriend, though, and for that I am so sorry.

I've always oriented through sex to the point of being sex-obsessed, and at this point ahead of my ctb plans I literally can't look at anything without it leading back to sex or sex flashbacks, which make me feel like some kind of deviant sociopath. I know you didn't write this for solidarity but it helped to read, as much as it also pains me to see someone hurt so badly.

I hope you're able to find any form of peace, even for a moment.

 

[Alek1=]

Losing a loved one is one of the most fucked up things on this planet. I'm so fucking sorry. Wanting a bit of attention isn't bad, and you shouldn't feel guilty for it. I genuinely hope you find peace and happiness, whatever path you choose

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I'm tired of all of the fucking noise of humans talking about nothing.

Same. It makes me so angry and tired. I'm honestly stunned at how long people enjoy talking and talking about NOTHING. Why didn't evolution give us the ability to close our ears like we can our eyes.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Losing a loved one is one of the most fucked up things on this planet. I'm so fucking sorry. Wanting a bit of attention isn't bad, and you shouldn't feel guilty for it. I genuinely hope you find peace and happiness, whatever path you choose

Thank you so much

 

[used_and_abused]

I'm sorry you lost your boyfriend i can only imagine the emotional trauma you went through, but is this what Henry wants?

I'd wager not. You are a beautiful soul who deserves to live and don't ever fucking forget that. You hear me?

Have you attempted before or first time?

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I'm sorry you lost your boyfriend i can only imagine the emotional trauma you went through, but is this what Henry wants?

I'd wager not. You are a beautiful soul who deserves to live and don't ever fucking forget that. You hear me?

Have you attempted before or first time?

I appreciate you but I've already made my decision. I'm honestly struggling to even get through the next few days, I need love and support in order to live and the only love I had is gone. No, I've never attempted, but I've came very close to attempting when I was a teenager. So this will be my first attempt.

 

[used_and_abused]

I appreciate you but I've already made my decision. I'm honestly struggling to even get through the next few days, I need love and support in order to live and the only love I had is gone. No, I've never attempted, but I've came very close to attempting when I was a teenager. So this will be my first attempt.

I understand, i wish you peace

 

[Dejected 55]

I can only imagine the loss of a relationship partner since I've never had a girlfriend myself. I can identify, though, with sometimes feeling the need for sexual gratification and never having anyone but myself. I live alone in a house, so no others around to worry about. It always feels empty though, because it's just me and no connection to anyone. I'm not ashamed and don't feel guilt, it just always feels so wasted.

 

[Mooncry]

Fucking. PREACH.

I'm right there with you. I also have 5 days left. I plan to do my attempt with SN on Wednesday night at midnight. That's crazy that we're lining up, but it kinda brings me some weird comfort like I'm not gonna be alone. ^-^

I can't wait to be back with my daddy. I literally miss him so much it physically hurts and nothing feels good anymore. I completely understand your frustration with being so fucking horny all the time and masturbation not hitting cuz you just want to be with your love. It's the worst fucking feeling…

Anyway, if we don't ever say anything to each other before then, I really wish the best for you and that you and Henry live your happily ever after. I've always wanted that for you ever since I first saw your posts. Big love.

 

[Crematoryy]

5 days, I have 5 days left until I attempt to ctb and guess what? That's too much time left. The only reason why I'm staying for 5 more days is because I'm trying to wait until after Mother's Day for the sake of my mom. I literally hate her for this, I know it's so evil but I hate the fact that I love her enough to wait. But it literally irritates me.

I'm so horny, I'm so depressed, I'm around people that are mean to me and abuse me and I can't be left alone. People are so fucking selfish and cruel I'm so fucking tired of being around humans. I'm so horny all the time, I miss my dead boyfriend and cannot satisfy myself.

Nobody on this site ever responds, it's like crying out into the void. I understand though that there's nothing you can say to this, and I should be embarrassed because I just want attention.

I just masturbated and it was awful. It was weird because I came but it didn't feel good? I think it's because I kept hearing the noise of the people around me while I was trying to satisfy myself in my room and it turns me off. I know I shouldn't post this on the internet but I'm in so much pain.

I miss my dead boyfriend so much, I miss Henry, I can't live without him. Please help me get through the next 5 days. I feel like I'm struggling to hold on. I'm tired of all of the fucking noise of humans talking about nothing.

Did your boyfriend die by suicide? (sorry to ask).

"It's like crying into the void" you described exactly. I feel like I'm screaming without my voice being able to echo. You must be very shaken, and you must feel the lack of attention and affection. I'm an extremely lonely person -- and also very horny. Maybe I'm destined by the stars to die alone.

You only have 5 days left? I'm sad and happy to hear that. Sad that you're dying, happy that you're free.

I can only imagine the loss of a relationship partner since I've never had a girlfriend myself. I can identify, though, with sometimes feeling the need for sexual gratification and never having anyone but myself. I live alone in a house, so no others around to worry about. It always feels empty though, because it's just me and no connection to anyone. I'm not ashamed and don't feel guilt, it just always feels so wasted.

Excellency in his self-description

I can only imagine the loss of a relationship partner since I've never had a girlfriend myself. I can identify, though, with sometimes feeling the need for sexual gratification and never having anyone but myself. I live alone in a house, so no others around to worry about. It always feels empty though, because it's just me and no connection to anyone. I'm not ashamed and don't feel guilt, it just always feels so wasted.

Excellency in his self-description

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Did your boyfriend die by suicide? (sorry to ask).

"It's like crying into the void" you described exactly. I feel like I'm screaming without my voice being able to echo. You must be very shaken, and you must feel the lack of attention and affection. I'm an extremely lonely person -- and also very horny. Maybe I'm destined by the stars to die alone.

You only have 5 days left? I'm sad and happy to hear that. Sad that you're dying, happy that you're free.

Excellency in his self-description

Excellency in his self-description

No, he didn't die from suicide, but he did die from being shot by a police officer 8 times while he was having a mental health crisis. He had a mental health crisis when his car broke down again after he was going to come to see me that day. I felt sad that day too, when his car broke down. I feel like that's definitely what caused him to have a mental he mental health crisis.

Thank you for your kind words, and I understand how you're feeling as well. Yes, I only have 5 agonizing days left. I'm so sorry about your situation as well.

 

[SleepyTransit]

No, he didn't die from suicide, but he did die from being shot by a police officer 8 times while he was having a mental health crisis. He had a mental health crisis when his car broke down again after he was going to come to see me that day. I felt sad that day too, when his car broke down. I feel like that's definitely what caused him to have a mental he mental health crisis.

Thank you for your kind words, and I understand how you're feeling as well. Yes, I only have 5 agonizing days left. I'm so sorry about your situation as well.

Damn, just hearing about how your boyfriend passed away is absolutely heartbreaking, no one should have to deal with knowing someone being killed for no legal reason. I hope you get to join him soon up above us.

 

[easypeasy]

5 days, I have 5 days left until I attempt to ctb and guess what? That's too much time left. The only reason why I'm staying for 5 more days is because I'm trying to wait until after Mother's Day for the sake of my mom. I literally hate her for this, I know it's so evil but I hate the fact that I love her enough to wait. But it literally irritates me.

I'm so horny, I'm so depressed, I'm around people that are mean to me and abuse me and I can't be left alone. People are so fucking selfish and cruel I'm so fucking tired of being around humans. I'm so horny all the time, I miss my dead boyfriend and cannot satisfy myself.

Nobody on this site ever responds, it's like crying out into the void. I understand though that there's nothing you can say to this, and I should be embarrassed because I just want attention.

I just masturbated and it was awful. It was weird because I came but it didn't feel good? I think it's because I kept hearing the noise of the people around me while I was trying to satisfy myself in my room and it turns me off. I know I shouldn't post this on the internet but I'm in so much pain.

I miss my dead boyfriend so much, I miss Henry, I can't live without him. Please help me get through the next 5 days. I feel like I'm struggling to hold on. I'm tired of all of the fucking noise of humans talking about nothing.

I also delayed things due to Mother's Day. I can relate to that anger. I broke some smashable things on Sunday. It does help. Did you use the time to make any final plans? I don't want you to end you life but I'm under no illusion that is relevant to what you're experiencing xox

My mother was also having a huge 70th birthday on Sunday with all family and friends. I was left an invitation on my bench 3 days prior, in a sealed envelope with only my name on it. Nobody reached out, knowing I'm unable to take care of myself (chronic pain and mobility issues)::: so it was an extra difficult day. Being ostracised from my family because I'm no longer useful… it's hard.

How are you going today?

 

[partnerinpeace]

Feel free to reach out to me, I will keep you company for the next 5 days

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

No, he didn't die from suicide, but he did die from being shot by a police officer 8 times while he was having a mental health crisis. He had a mental health crisis when his car broke down again after he was going to come to see me that day. I felt sad that day too, when his car broke down. I feel like that's definitely what caused him to have a mental he mental health crisis.

Thank you for your kind words, and I understand how you're feeling as well. Yes, I only have 5 agonizing days left. I'm so sorry about your situation as well.

You may find it cathartic to read posts by user Onomatopoeia, she was in the same situation (her husband was murdered by cops). She CTB'd last year but I remember her still. Hope you get your rest soon <3