NSFW I'm just a miserable incel

[Agent_PS]

Long rant or vent, includes stupid nsfw stuff, ignore if u hate reading about miserable/pathetic guys

I'm a 22 yo kissless virgin so by definition I'm an incel. I don't think women actively hates me but no one has ever shown any sort of romantic or sexual interest towards me. I have huge insecurity and anxiety problem but I try my best to not show them in public, hell I even force myself to be more social than I really am. I have joined uni clubs, attended some dating events and so on but nahh. I remember back in 2024, I went to this event and I was speaking to a nice girl but after a while her friends came and sort of just snatched her away before I could even ask for her socials or anything, the look of disgust her friends gave me, I still remember vividly.


When I was 19, I proposed to a girl who I had known for more than a year and we were best friends, she accepted but then she went to another country for uni, I had told her that LDR is tough and that I will do everything to make it work, she said she was ready to make it work too. I took her words but she ended up cheating on me after just a month even tho I had the acceptance letter from that uni and would've gone to her had she kept her promise of being a trustworthy partner. To make matters worse, during our breakup she told me she had masturbated thinking of the other guy and that was the last. Her first kiss was that guy and I believe her first everything was someone else, the hug she gave me before going to the US is the only instance of physical intimacy I have experienced from someone I was interested in.


Girls scare me tbh, they make my stomach turn. Anytime my brain tries to register that someone's looking cute or pretty in the sense that I might be interested, I sort of just beat up my brain. Now I have trained myself to the extent that I autoreject at every turn. I'm a 5'7", average build south asian guy, I look 5/10 on my best days and I have a small penis, so it's highly unlikely that anyone will ever approach me on their own. I despise dating apps so I won't be registering for one anytime soon.

I love my family especially my younger sister because she actually looks upto me or at least the facade I have and I hope she never has to look into my soul because it's hideous . All my female classmates from back in high school held me in good regards so that's nice too. I can very easily give people honest compliments and that never bothers me, I'm a straightforward guy in some sense. I've always been a people pleaser, a nice guy or whatever u wanna call it. But the truth is I'm disgusting. I'm a guilt filled pathetic soulless meat puppet, my brain doesn't listen to me.

Everything aside, my hatred for myself, my body, my entire being isn't really what makes me unlikable on the outside because I hide them as much as I can, the facade I have is of a very chill average dude. So why I have had no luck with anyone well idk. I have sort of just given up and I plan to ctb when I turn 27, till then I will just drown in misery, be a useless son to my parents, maybe somehow get my engineering degree and make something out of it idk. Most of all I just want to be self sufficient, get a cat, get an apartment of my own and then die when I turn 27(unless something happens which can change the trajectory of my life).

So yeah I'm just a miserable incel.

 

[derpyderpins]

First off I'm very sorry you've gotten to this rough point and I think it's good that you are reflecting so honestly.

I don't know that you are by definition an incel just for lacking experience. It took me a long time to actually have a relationship but I know a couple people had been interested that I didn't reciprocate with.

You had someone who was interested just 3 years ago. Yes, she betrayed you, but she was initially interested. It was awful for her to do you like that, and you have a right to be hurt. Long distance when you didn't have a physical relationship beforehand had little chance of success, but she should have properly broken things off if she was interested in someone else.

Dating apps are terrible. You're right to hate them. (Although a dating app is how I met my wife, overall the experience sucks).

Girls scare me tbh, they make my stomach turn. Anytime my brain tries to register that someone's looking cute or pretty in the sense that I might be interested, I sort of just beat up my brain. Now I have trained myself to the extent that I autoreject at every turn. I'm a 5'7", average build south asian guy, I look 5/10 on my best days and I have a small penis, so it's highly unlikely that anyone will ever approach me on their own.

This is the crux of it, right? The root of the issue. And I can understand it. I never felt accepted in high school, and felt the derisive sneers and cold rejections for my being too much of a nerd or whatever else made me undesirable. Pretty girls with everyone interested in them wield so much power in the dynamic, even if they are kind and don't intend to abuse it, that it is intimidating when your experience to this point has been betrayal. Like the rejection I received, you were sent a message that you weren't good or valuable enough.

We tend to think of the dating market on a linear scale. We rate from 1-10. If you have been rejected by an 8, you must be below an 8. A painful rejection, betrayal even - like you felt, must mean there was a large gap from you to the other guy, so you must be a 5/10 at best as you say. At least, that's the logic, it doesn't really hold up.

First of all, the girl was just a bitch for cheating on you. It says nothing about you. I know you were friends, and I'm not saying she was a terrible person, but that was a bitch move.

The fact is that we all don't see people the same way and your rating is not definitive. I know the incel community obsesses over height, but in my experience it's not as big of a deal as people think. (Plenty of short girls out there!) The comment about your size is just you beating yourself up. Obviously that has nothing to do with initial interest. As for your build, you're only 22. I've spent a lot of my life feeling very bad about my figure as a guy for being too skinny, but I started to fill out in my late 20s and now feel pretty good about how I look.

"So then, if that's all true, why don't I get interest?" Fact is that modern dating sucks, lol. You are justified to be discouraged. Where you are misguided is in writing yourself off as someone genetically doomed from ever having success.

I've got a buddy who is now in his 30s. Had some years being a bit overweight, not a ton of dating experience. Just now he is dating someone who should be way out of his league, and she is completely in love with him. I can't necessarily explain it, but sometimes it just eventually happens. My wife is way too good for me, but I somehow got her.

You don't become an "incel" until you adapt the subculture's twisted views of the world. It's okay to feel down, empty, beaten. It will take time to get through that. It's just not over.

 

[Georg]

Same. Love is not for everyone.

 

[nogods4me]

This brings back horrible memories. I guess I should be thankful for the emotional ablation over the years that helps me feel and remember less.

 

[Agent_PS]

First off I'm very sorry you've gotten to this rough point and I think it's good that you are reflecting so honestly.

I don't know that you are by definition an incel just for lacking experience. It took me a long time to actually have a relationship but I know a couple people had been interested that I didn't reciprocate with.

You had someone who was interested just 3 years ago. Yes, she betrayed you, but she was initially interested. It was awful for her to do you like that, and you have a right to be hurt. Long distance when you didn't have a physical relationship beforehand had little chance of success, but she should have properly broken things off if she was interested in someone else.

Dating apps are terrible. You're right to hate them. (Although a dating app is how I met my wife, overall the experience sucks).



This is the crux of it, right? The root of the issue. And I can understand it. I never felt accepted in high school, and felt the derisive sneers and cold rejections for my being too much of a nerd or whatever else made me undesirable. Pretty girls with everyone interested in them wield so much power in the dynamic, even if they are kind and don't intend to abuse it, that it is intimidating when your experience to this point has been betrayal. Like the rejection I received, you were sent a message that you weren't good or valuable enough.

We tend to think of the dating market on a linear scale. We rate from 1-10. If you have been rejected by an 8, you must be below an 8. A painful rejection, betrayal even - like you felt, must mean there was a large gap from you to the other guy, so you must be a 5/10 at best as you say. At least, that's the logic, it doesn't really hold up.

First of all, the girl was just a bitch for cheating on you. It says nothing about you. I know you were friends, and I'm not saying she was a terrible person, but that was a bitch move.

The fact is that we all don't see people the same way and your rating is not definitive. I know the incel community obsesses over height, but in my experience it's not as big of a deal as people think. (Plenty of short girls out there!) The comment about your size is just you beating yourself up. Obviously that has nothing to do with initial interest. As for your build, you're only 22. I've spent a lot of my life feeling very bad about my figure as a guy for being too skinny, but I started to fill out in my late 20s and now feel pretty good about how I look.

"So then, if that's all true, why don't I get interest?" Fact is that modern dating sucks, lol. You are justified to be discouraged. Where you are misguided is in writing yourself off as someone genetically doomed from ever having success.

I've got a buddy who is now in his 30s. Had some years being a bit overweight, not a ton of dating experience. Just now he is dating someone who should be way out of his league, and she is completely in love with him. I can't necessarily explain it, but sometimes it just eventually happens. My wife is way too good for me, but I somehow got her.

You don't become an "incel" until you adapt the subculture's twisted views of the world. It's okay to feel down, empty, beaten. It will take time to get through that. It's just not over.

thanks, I'll keep your words in my mind but tbh I think it's better if I don't pursue anyone because I feel like i'll just bring them down and cause emotional turmoil. but thanks anyways

 

[Agent_PS]

Same. Love is not for everyone.

I'd specify the kind of love because everyone needs some sort of support to keep going, familial love or platonic love is a necessity for our own growth but romantic love (the genuine kind) is getting rarer as this horrible machine we're trapped in is getting louder by the day, I'm a pessimistic cynical guy so I might be biased but looking around, I'd say its not far from the reality of things

This brings back horrible memories. I guess I should be thankful for the emotional ablation over the years that helps me feel and remember less.

I can only hope that you're in a better place. Please take care of yourself.

 

[Kibby]

real

 

[Rabscuttle]

I have no great advice. But I was you at 22. I was a kissless virgin until 28, I miraculously met someone very special who loved me very much. But because of those years of self hatred, deriding myself as a loser for my inability to socialize with people, for my body, for so many things, I was unable to function in that relationship and subsequently I ruined it. One thing I realized, once the deeds were done (kissing, having sex etc) was that I had built them up so much, I thought that if I just had a partner all my problems would go away. My problems were rooted in my hatred toward myself, the result of my utter lack of self compassion, which I unfortunately still lack. Accomplishing your goals won't lead to inner kindness, but inner kindness can absolutely help you in accomplishing your goals. It's hard, so hard to break those years of a degrading inner monologue, but what you are going through right now is also very difficult. If you've gotten this far, do you think you lack the ability to practice self compassion? I think you are capable of it.

 

[AdamfromtheUK]

I accepted long ago no female would ever be interested in me in the sexual sense. I'm resigned to dying alone.

Females don't owe you anything I'm afraid. Everyone has volition and the freedom to choose who they spend their time with.

Now all I want in the time I have left is solitude and to be away from harassment from thugs of both sex.

 

[Pryras]

You could opt for an Orchiectomy and focus on advocating for women's rights?

Let's be real. The human race is the only species that's obsessed with finding a mate for everyone. Not everyone is meant to reproduce or be chosen. If you're not physically attractive, start making a good living and learn to be generous and chivalrous. The women will come. Having women flawk to you for any other reason is delusion.