Discussion I'm lost. Being trans in 2024... What hope is there?

[ashxia]

So I'm sorry if this comes across as melodramatic or stupid or whatever. I just need to talk to someone. Currently my girlfriend and I are contemplating taking a long time out from life and I'm not sure what to do. I've always been so alone in this. For the past 10 years ive been alone. Maybe only one friend at a time, no relationships, just spent the entirety of my 20s completely alone, going through it all alone. Every other person I know wants to be alive, in a very strong way that feels alien. Personally, I've wanted to end my life for a very very long time. As long as I can remember, at least middle school or earlier. The desire to end my own life is the only really consistent thing know, actually. I've been abused a lot, like physically mentally sexually etc, to the point where I don't remember the majority of my childhood, or my life, and even as a nearly 30 year old woman I still struggle very very hard to make friendships and genuine emotional connections with people. Understanding myself or my emotions is it's own entire challenge.It's not for lack of trying, and I don't want anyone to cry for me or feel bad for me. I've always had the mindset that, no matter how much fucked up things happens to you, the entire point of life is to make the best of it, and figure out how to make a good life for yourself, and to find some kind of beauty and meaning. So I try. I struggle every single day, so, so, so hard to be happy. I try to make sense of this deeply confusing, unfair, nonsensical, cruel, life. But it doesn't add up to anything in the end. It all feels unreal and meaningless, empty in a way that nothing will ever make up for. I can't find a signal in all this noise. And it's felt that way forever. And my feeling has always been, that the answer is to kill myself. It feels inevitable and natural. I want to do it more than I don't want to nowadays. My only concern is that I'm dragging my girlfriend into this. Since Trump got elected we've both been feeling very hopeless, especially her because she used to have a lot of hope that the world would get better for transgender people and it has only gotten worse. She's been struggling a lot, and while I try to help her stay optimistic but I can't really do it anymore. I don't want her do die though. She's deserves so much more from life than what she has gotten. I don't know if I should break up with her then do it or not, or if it's okay to do it with her. She wants to after all... I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. I dont' have any family or friends to turn to so these thoughts just bounce around in my head until they explode. I'm sorry.

 

[whywere]

1st off, never ever be sorry for coming on to SaSu and letting yourself have a great place to think things through and maybe get advice or thoughts from others. We are ALL the same and we are ALL family here helping each other out.

I did NOT vote for Trump, he is a complete disaster, and I try and remember that in 4 years he will be gone, good riddance is all I can say!

The state that I live in is extremely liberal, I love that part! and all are welcome and included. You two should look into the state where I live, pm me and I will tell you, as we ALL live together here.

For you and your girlfriend, love and hand in hand watching a sunset is so beautiful and if it was me, I would NOT let an orange buffoon dictate my life and my loves, never.

We are ALL the same period and the next 4 years will be interesting for sure; HOWEVER, it is 4 and gone.

You and your girlfriend are loving, caring and way too valuable of spirits to not have around, as life is much better with both of you here and having you as a good friend for/to me makes life so much better for me.

Lots of well wishes and loving and caring thoughts to the both of you.

Walter

 

[OldManOfTheLake]

So I'm sorry if this comes across as melodramatic or stupid or whatever. I just need to talk to someone. Currently my girlfriend and I are contemplating taking a long time out from life and I'm not sure what to do. I've always been so alone in this. For the past 10 years ive been alone. Maybe only one friend at a time, no relationships, just spent the entirety of my 20s completely alone, going through it all alone. Every other person I know wants to be alive, in a very strong way that feels alien. Personally, I've wanted to end my life for a very very long time. As long as I can remember, at least middle school or earlier. The desire to end my own life is the only really consistent thing know, actually. I've been abused a lot, like physically mentally sexually etc, to the point where I don't remember the majority of my childhood, or my life, and even as a nearly 30 year old woman I still struggle very very hard to make friendships and genuine emotional connections with people. Understanding myself or my emotions is it's own entire challenge.It's not for lack of trying, and I don't want anyone to cry for me or feel bad for me. I've always had the mindset that, no matter how much fucked up things happens to you, the entire point of life is to make the best of it, and figure out how to make a good life for yourself, and to find some kind of beauty and meaning. So I try. I struggle every single day, so, so, so hard to be happy. I try to make sense of this deeply confusing, unfair, nonsensical, cruel, life. But it doesn't add up to anything in the end. It all feels unreal and meaningless, empty in a way that nothing will ever make up for. I can't find a signal in all this noise. And it's felt that way forever. And my feeling has always been, that the answer is to kill myself. It feels inevitable and natural. I want to do it more than I don't want to nowadays. My only concern is that I'm dragging my girlfriend into this. Since Trump got elected we've both been feeling very hopeless, especially her because she used to have a lot of hope that the world would get better for transgender people and it has only gotten worse. She's been struggling a lot, and while I try to help her stay optimistic but I can't really do it anymore. I don't want her do die though. She's deserves so much more from life than what she has gotten. I don't know if I should break up with her then do it or not, or if it's okay to do it with her. She wants to after all... I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. I dont' have any family or friends to turn to so these thoughts just bounce around in my head until they explode. I'm sorry.

Hello friend,

I came out of the closet after 20 years and lost a lot of friends (I lived in Texas and Oklahoma for most of my life). I attempted to file a protective order on one after being stalked, but I live in such a conservative area no one would take my case. When I finally found a lawyer and agreed to a $4,000 retainer I was completely ghosted after I revealed I was in the LGBT+ community.

I'm currently trying to move overseas, but I am experiencing a lot of complications. I have an offer to move to Scandanavia by January. If I am not able to make it over there, I will absolutely CTB.

Just know that you aren't alone in this. It's not safe for us out there, but we do make a surprisingly large amount of the population. If we cannot change the world for the better in our lifetimes, then maybe our pain will be used by others to fight for the basic human rights we deserve.

 

[RW__Asher23]

I think from reading what you said here you would be very missed here. You sound like a loving, caring human and beautiful spirit. Wish you the very best life and bring to you and hope this can work out somehow for the both of you. No matter what your choices are they are yours to make so I wish you the very best journey you can have and it is a safe and good one. I do not see gender as a reason to not see the person for who they are. Gender for me means nothing it is who you are that matters. In any case I support your decision no matter what it is. It is yours to make. Peace.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm so sorry the world is not accepting of you. I think a lot if it is ignorance, some people can't understand you. You sound like a wonderful person with a beautiful spirit. I wish you nothing but the best. Trump is obsessed with illegal immigrants right now, he isn't focused on the LGBTQ+ community yet, so you have time.

 

[HeartThatFeeds]

I'm so sorry I canot imagine what both you and your girlfriend are going through, I myself am queer and had even planned to move to America before the passing of my Fiancé as he lived there, however we have faced many setbacks within our lives as members of the LGBT community, the most we can do is try to live, no matter what, to spite those who continue to push us down, this is what they want, they WANT us to lose hope, to prove to them we are nothing more as weak

I am wishing the best for you and your Girlfriend, no matter what you do, don't lose hope, be your authentic self for you, not anyone else