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V

VoidBlessed

Member
Dec 2, 2024
58
In March of this year I found out something so horrible it broke me. I can't say what it is, it wouldn't be fair, but it was so bad it upended everything I believed in and destroyed my identity. The knowledge follows me everywhere and I see it every day.

Until September I held out hope that I could recover, but I can't. The trauma is just too deep. I've been constantly suicidal and triggered almost 24/7 for the last three months. The last refuge I had was my dreams, where I knew I would be safe - until today. Today it infected my dreams. I'm not safe anywhere anymore.

I can't do this anymore, be hounded by this knowledge every moment waking or sleeping. I'm going to try to hold on until the 22nd so I can give my friends their Christmas presents, but I'm not sure I can make it.
 
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Reactions: SVEN, Forever Sleep and Namelesa
J

J&L383

Enlightened
Jul 18, 2023
1,114
I am sorry your dreams have now been infiltrated. I fully sympathize - my dreams are the place I can escape also. But I had an experience with a dream that included something that only exists in my physical life Which was very frustrating, I hope it doesn't bode well for future dreams.

I am glad you have to wherewithal to hold out at least till Christmas. Take a deep breath and perhaps things will get just a little bit better enough to maybe put this off longer. And who knows, maybe you'll have a dream that can counteract the bad one that you had. (In my case the next night I dreamed I was riding a motorcycle in a lush meadow like never before and this was good healing!).

🤗
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,720
That sounds so dreadful what you have to go through, it's just so cruel and terrible to me how there's all this suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.
 
SVEN

SVEN

I Wish I'd Been a Jester Too.
Apr 3, 2023
2,813
Sorry you've lost your last refuge. Best wishes however things work out.
 

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